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79 days and a canker sore

  I haven't written in what seems like forever. I think of something I want to say then sleep takes over, or it is time to get out of the shower. But, I figure I should. So many thoughts...so little time. Today marks 79 days till I am no longer able to mark the "singles" box on any for I fill out. Today marks 79 days till I am no longer a Dever. Today...tomorrow...forever...
  I don't stress often. Or at least, I don't feel as though I do. I often feel more overwhelmed but not necessarily stressed. I always thought I handled stress well. In fact, I took a test once that was measuring stress levels. I remember answering... yes to a death (my brother) job change (fired and new job) life change (went back to school) traveling (long vacation) all within a 6 month period. The test concluded that I was stressed to the max. I specifically remember taking this test on the toilet, and thinking... huh... I don't feel it.
  However, the older I get, I tend to listen to my body more. And quite suddenly and quietly, a canker sore popped up a week ago. Something I haven't experienced in years. Stress. Loads of it! I think I am doing okay, but one more little thing and I might just lose it...in public. I lost it in the shower the other day and had to regain my focus as dots came into my vision and my breathing got shallow. I got a small glimpse into my future. No longer single. No longer a Dever. No longer single.
  I wasn't the marrying type. In fact, I am still a bit convinced I am not the marrying type. I was talking to white boy the other day about this very thing. I told him I may not be the marrying type, but I was more than anything to spend my life with you. And...if I have to get married to do that then I can and will. I'm not ready to get married! Far from it. But I am ready to start my life with him. So ready.
  I need prayers. Loads of them. I am so blessed to have the friends and family that I have. I am so blessed to have white boy. Don't tell anyone, but I find myself crying a lot cause I miss him so much during the week. I've become the weak one. Ugh. I'm turning into a sap! I don't know where I am going with this. I guess I am just checking in with my sanity.
  If you have any prayers left, please send them my way. Be blessed friends, as I am blessed.

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