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One year ago and 39 days from now

  We stood outside a bar in Manhattan dodging the rain, talking about what day we wanted to get married. Just 1 day after he dropped to his knee and asked me to marry him, we were "planning" our distant future wedding. It was a year ago he asked. It is 39 days till we say we do. 
  About a month ago, he and I were talking about love and how much we had for the other. We spoke about when and how we fell in love. He told me he loved me long before he told me that October day standing on the edge of the canyon. I told him that yes, I did love him, but it wasn't until much later that I fell "in love" with him. 
  In fact, I didn't truly believe of being "in love" till about 6 months ago. He asked me if I was in love with him when he asked for my hand. I told him no. He asked me why I said yes to his proposal. I said that I truly believed my feelings were as deep as they would ever get. For anyone. How wrong I was.
  I remember sitting at home watching Netflix before bed, and I immediately had this overwhelming need to breathe. I didn't think, in that moment, that I would be able to take my next breath without him in it. My heart began to ache, and I began to cry. For a week straight, I cried myself silently to sleep. I knew I was in love. I knew I could never return from where I was. I had never been so scared to lose someone, and so deliciously vulnerable to the plight of someone else.
  Today, although one year from him placing that ring on my finger, is one step closer to the day I get to call him mine. We inch ever closer. A year ago, it seemed like a distant dream. Now, it seems like a breath away. I am trying desperately to hold on to these feelings of anxiousness and eagerness and insanity and breathlessness because they keep me alive and ready for that moment I walk down the aisle toward the one who dropped to one knee and asked me to be his.
  Prayers, dear friends, are tenderly welcome. Not just for me...but for j as well. We are moments from being one; however, if you ask me in a few moments, it couldn't be further from now. Blessings!

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