Skip to main content

The brother he didn't forget

 It was hard enough remembering my toast. The one I had prepared so diligently and thought and thought over to no end. It was something he and I had talked about a few times--the fact I would have one memorized and ready to publish and his would be winged from the top of his head. But, with a rough start I did remember. And my tribute, of course, mentioned my brother. How could it not?
  See, I never wanted to be with anyone who didn't know my brother. I wanted him to continue to be alive and well within the hearts of me and my beloved. I talked, often, about Andy. I referenced my brother in random conversations he and I would hold...especially since there were many things about him that reminded me of Andy. I told him so. He didn't flinch.
  It was rough not having him there to dance with me; it was rough not having him there wish me well; it was just rough. Not any less beautiful, but rough none-the-less. It wasn't that I felt him there, as many people say, "Oh, your brother will be watching. Your brother will be there, in spirit, to support you." That wasn't my thoughts. It was just... a memorial thing I wanted the guests to feel.
  Then it was his turn. I shakily handed him the mic and waited to hear what this man, who just pledged his love to me, had to say. He nervously chuckled. He isn't one for crowds...especially when it comes to speaking. Oh, he said some nice things! Very nice. He raved on my beauty and how much he loved me, how he never thought he would find someone like me. They weren't gilded words; they were pure gold.
  "I think this will be the first time, as your husband, I will have to ask for your forgiveness." Uh-oh! I couldn't wrap my head around those words... they sounded destructive. They sounded as though I was about to get a face full of cake...or worse. He looked at my uncle who was running the sound and nodded.
  It is then I heard the first note to the song. Not our song. Not a song he had dedicated to me. No... the song that was meant only for me and Andy. The song that Fievel sang along with his sister, Tanya when they were separated in An American Tale. "Somewhere out there. If love can see us through. Then we'll be together...somewhere out there where dreams come true." I lost it. This song perfectly embodies me and Andy and has for many a year. And my lover got it. He brought Andy from a memory to the present.
  ----
  We sat around the pool on the large cruise ship. It was our first vacation, aside from our honeymoon, as husband and wife. The drinks were flowing, the music was bumping, and I was feeling pretty darn good. So was he :) He gets this energetic look in his eye when the buzz sets in. It is cute in a way that I enjoy watching little children play. It is a curious sort of look. Usually, when he gets this way he gets antsy. This time was no different.
  So be it for me to pay much attention when the music and drinks are continuous. "What's a song that your brother loved?" Odd question to ask. "Oh, geez," mind racking... Obviously "Somewhere out there" -- I began mentally humming: "I'd like to make myself believe that planet earth turns slowly..." Uh... Mind going to his favorite before he left this place. "Oh, you know that song...dun dun dun like a virgin your Madonna and I'm always gonna wanna blow your mind..." For the life of me couldn't remember. "It's by Train. That's all I got," as I sung him the lyrics I knew.
  He told me he'd be back and returned not too long after. "I love you, you know." He did. He really did. Always has. Sun blazing, I could see his skin get redder and his grin get larger. "Alright, ladies and gentleman. This is our last song and it goes out to a very special person in remembrance." Immediately... Hey hey -- hey hey hey -- Your lipstick stains... I glanced up at the DJ who pointed at me. I returned the gesture then turned to the one who once again brought Andy from a memory to the present.


See, I may not have married someone who knew my brother, but he has not, for one moment, ceased to want to enliven that memory within me. His desire is to enrich the love I have for Andy. He gets it. Andy is the brother he didn't and will never forget. Wow... talk about a damn lucky girl.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

The sun will come out...when?

   I could have really used the sun today. You know that feeling between being in an okay mood and being in a not so okay mood? Well, I am there. And, I know for a fact that the sun would have pushed me to the side of okay...or maybe even taken me to great. No sun today. Just grey, blah weather. I hate it! It makes me doubt things. It makes me create things in my mind. It makes me think of the demeantors breeding bad juju.    I need the sun. Today has been more of a blah day than I have experienced in a long while. The weather isn't just hazy, I have become haze. The weather isn't just dank. I have become dank. The weather isn't just cold. I have become cold. So much so that the phone I answer at work would better serve me if thrown through the window in front of me. So much so that the cell phone I keep in touch with my friends would better serve me if broken.     SAD: seasonal affective disorder. I think most people know what this is...

What is love? Baby, I'm hurting...I'm hurting...🎶🎶

  Early last week was bad for white boy. He was injured and is probably left with a broken foot. Now, he hasn't been to the doctor and continues to walk and work and do all the things. He continues to also piss me off because he hasn't gone. Granted, I tend to be stubborn too, but if that would have happened to me and my foot looked like that, I would have been at the doctor's office first thing in the morning.   Having said that, that is all I can think about in the back of my mind. How much he is in pain and how much it sucks. I can't fix it, but I can get irritated and semi-yell at him for not going to have it checked out. Guess that's how I cope. I love him, but damn is it frustrating.   Sometimes I wonder how people show love. Sometimes I wonder if people show love in grandiose ways or if the subtlety of love is what is true love. Sure, I mean when he proposed that was a good indicator that he loves me. When I said yes is also a good indicator that I love him...

3000 miles...

      ...and I am exhausted. Just a little over an hour and a half ago, I reached 3000 miles on my trip, and as I sit here in this hotel room, in Fort Stockton, TX, I am realizing how tired I am. Isn't vacation supposed to be refreshing and relaxing? Yet, I feel neither. I feel as though I am running on fumes, like my car was moments ago before I gave her a drink.       I spent that last hour thinking about all the things I have done, all the people I have seen, all the wonderful food I have eaten, and I realize I am so blessed. I have everything I need and all the love and support a person could ask for, and because of that, I am truly blessed.       It took everything in my power to turn on my computer and type this, so this post is uber short. But, I wanted to thank everyone, thus far, who has extended a gracious hand to host me and be there for me in just a manner to show me love. I love each and everyone of you. (I am sure this will no...