It was hard enough remembering my toast. The one I had prepared so diligently and thought and thought over to no end. It was something he and I had talked about a few times--the fact I would have one memorized and ready to publish and his would be winged from the top of his head. But, with a rough start I did remember. And my tribute, of course, mentioned my brother. How could it not?
See, I never wanted to be with anyone who didn't know my brother. I wanted him to continue to be alive and well within the hearts of me and my beloved. I talked, often, about Andy. I referenced my brother in random conversations he and I would hold...especially since there were many things about him that reminded me of Andy. I told him so. He didn't flinch.
It was rough not having him there to dance with me; it was rough not having him there wish me well; it was just rough. Not any less beautiful, but rough none-the-less. It wasn't that I felt him there, as many people say, "Oh, your brother will be watching. Your brother will be there, in spirit, to support you." That wasn't my thoughts. It was just... a memorial thing I wanted the guests to feel.
Then it was his turn. I shakily handed him the mic and waited to hear what this man, who just pledged his love to me, had to say. He nervously chuckled. He isn't one for crowds...especially when it comes to speaking. Oh, he said some nice things! Very nice. He raved on my beauty and how much he loved me, how he never thought he would find someone like me. They weren't gilded words; they were pure gold.
"I think this will be the first time, as your husband, I will have to ask for your forgiveness." Uh-oh! I couldn't wrap my head around those words... they sounded destructive. They sounded as though I was about to get a face full of cake...or worse. He looked at my uncle who was running the sound and nodded.
It is then I heard the first note to the song. Not our song. Not a song he had dedicated to me. No... the song that was meant only for me and Andy. The song that Fievel sang along with his sister, Tanya when they were separated in An American Tale. "Somewhere out there. If love can see us through. Then we'll be together...somewhere out there where dreams come true." I lost it. This song perfectly embodies me and Andy and has for many a year. And my lover got it. He brought Andy from a memory to the present.
----
We sat around the pool on the large cruise ship. It was our first vacation, aside from our honeymoon, as husband and wife. The drinks were flowing, the music was bumping, and I was feeling pretty darn good. So was he :) He gets this energetic look in his eye when the buzz sets in. It is cute in a way that I enjoy watching little children play. It is a curious sort of look. Usually, when he gets this way he gets antsy. This time was no different.
So be it for me to pay much attention when the music and drinks are continuous. "What's a song that your brother loved?" Odd question to ask. "Oh, geez," mind racking... Obviously "Somewhere out there" -- I began mentally humming: "I'd like to make myself believe that planet earth turns slowly..." Uh... Mind going to his favorite before he left this place. "Oh, you know that song...dun dun dun like a virgin your Madonna and I'm always gonna wanna blow your mind..." For the life of me couldn't remember. "It's by Train. That's all I got," as I sung him the lyrics I knew.
He told me he'd be back and returned not too long after. "I love you, you know." He did. He really did. Always has. Sun blazing, I could see his skin get redder and his grin get larger. "Alright, ladies and gentleman. This is our last song and it goes out to a very special person in remembrance." Immediately... Hey hey -- hey hey hey -- Your lipstick stains... I glanced up at the DJ who pointed at me. I returned the gesture then turned to the one who once again brought Andy from a memory to the present.
See, I may not have married someone who knew my brother, but he has not, for one moment, ceased to want to enliven that memory within me. His desire is to enrich the love I have for Andy. He gets it. Andy is the brother he didn't and will never forget. Wow... talk about a damn lucky girl.
See, I never wanted to be with anyone who didn't know my brother. I wanted him to continue to be alive and well within the hearts of me and my beloved. I talked, often, about Andy. I referenced my brother in random conversations he and I would hold...especially since there were many things about him that reminded me of Andy. I told him so. He didn't flinch.
It was rough not having him there to dance with me; it was rough not having him there wish me well; it was just rough. Not any less beautiful, but rough none-the-less. It wasn't that I felt him there, as many people say, "Oh, your brother will be watching. Your brother will be there, in spirit, to support you." That wasn't my thoughts. It was just... a memorial thing I wanted the guests to feel.
Then it was his turn. I shakily handed him the mic and waited to hear what this man, who just pledged his love to me, had to say. He nervously chuckled. He isn't one for crowds...especially when it comes to speaking. Oh, he said some nice things! Very nice. He raved on my beauty and how much he loved me, how he never thought he would find someone like me. They weren't gilded words; they were pure gold.
"I think this will be the first time, as your husband, I will have to ask for your forgiveness." Uh-oh! I couldn't wrap my head around those words... they sounded destructive. They sounded as though I was about to get a face full of cake...or worse. He looked at my uncle who was running the sound and nodded.
It is then I heard the first note to the song. Not our song. Not a song he had dedicated to me. No... the song that was meant only for me and Andy. The song that Fievel sang along with his sister, Tanya when they were separated in An American Tale. "Somewhere out there. If love can see us through. Then we'll be together...somewhere out there where dreams come true." I lost it. This song perfectly embodies me and Andy and has for many a year. And my lover got it. He brought Andy from a memory to the present.
----
We sat around the pool on the large cruise ship. It was our first vacation, aside from our honeymoon, as husband and wife. The drinks were flowing, the music was bumping, and I was feeling pretty darn good. So was he :) He gets this energetic look in his eye when the buzz sets in. It is cute in a way that I enjoy watching little children play. It is a curious sort of look. Usually, when he gets this way he gets antsy. This time was no different.
So be it for me to pay much attention when the music and drinks are continuous. "What's a song that your brother loved?" Odd question to ask. "Oh, geez," mind racking... Obviously "Somewhere out there" -- I began mentally humming: "I'd like to make myself believe that planet earth turns slowly..." Uh... Mind going to his favorite before he left this place. "Oh, you know that song...dun dun dun like a virgin your Madonna and I'm always gonna wanna blow your mind..." For the life of me couldn't remember. "It's by Train. That's all I got," as I sung him the lyrics I knew.
He told me he'd be back and returned not too long after. "I love you, you know." He did. He really did. Always has. Sun blazing, I could see his skin get redder and his grin get larger. "Alright, ladies and gentleman. This is our last song and it goes out to a very special person in remembrance." Immediately... Hey hey -- hey hey hey -- Your lipstick stains... I glanced up at the DJ who pointed at me. I returned the gesture then turned to the one who once again brought Andy from a memory to the present.
See, I may not have married someone who knew my brother, but he has not, for one moment, ceased to want to enliven that memory within me. His desire is to enrich the love I have for Andy. He gets it. Andy is the brother he didn't and will never forget. Wow... talk about a damn lucky girl.
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