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Our year of 3

Bee,
  I am usually one for so many words that I can't stop, but this time around, I have but few. What to say? What to say that I haven't already whispered while you slept soundly next to me? What to say when looking at you brings up too many emotions that words couldn't even begin to express them? What to say to you that I haven't begged you to memorize in fear that one day I would forget? 
  Thus, I love you.
  I heard it once said, "A best friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words." This year has proven to be a lot of silent moments strung together because the song in our heart was desperately void of words. You, my best friend, have given me nothing but the utmost love, and have sang to my heart in ways I didn't know possible.
  The amount of pain we have endured this year...these last few years...has been nothing short of life altering. We have watched life ebb away from us in a way that has left us raw and searching for a high point in any and all circumstances...and rarely finding it but eventually finding each other. 
  Thus, I love you. 
  When so many times I say the hurtful things, I love you. When I so hopelessly fail to live up to the wife I should be, I love you. When I place walls around my heart that you have to so often tear down, I love you. When I shy away from your touch because I am struggling with my own internal demons, I love you. I love you and I will always love you. 
  Today is our 3rd year anniversary. 3 years from when you stood before our friends and family and claimed that you would love me for all of your life...and for all of mine. I still don't think I am ready to walk down that isle. 3 years later and I still find the idea of marriage daunting and scary. But you seem to make it all calm down. 
 To this day, I still remember you asking if I was ready for you...for us. I said no. I said I would never be ready. But, I am learning. A few months back you asked again if I was ready for him...for our family. I said no. I said I would never be ready. But, I am willing to learn.
  God has granted you and I the most precious miracle. I have prayed and I have pleaded for so long that it seems all so dreamlike. That in an instant...it could be over. And I know that you listen to my thoughts and worries and fears and you counteract them with your excitement and love and desire to be his father.       Please know that I am excited too. I am just hesitant. For so long, all we have known was pain and suffering with little moments of happiness. Please know that I am excited to bring into this world our 1st to make our family 3. This is our year of 3s. You. Me. Our son. 
  God's timing certainly has never proven to be mine. Perhaps all the waiting for him and the let down that he hasn't arrived yet, was just the time we needed to be as strong as the leather that represents our 3rd year. We have spent the last 3 years getting to know the way our hearts beat together when we touch. We have spent the last 3 years getting to know the way our anger subsides with just a look. We have spent the last 3 years getting to know the way our laughter intertwines with the other. So, we can now bring our son into a home with 2 people that know the true inner-workings of each other. No, my timing is certainly not God's...and for that I am thankful. 
  We are ready, or we will be....with each other...we will be. This year, which has been one of the worst, will be one of our greatest. I am so excited to embark on this journey with you. Here is to another 3...30...300...years by your side. 

       All my love,
                Aly
  

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