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13 Going on 40 on his 41st Birthday

   I often wonder why, after almost 11 years, I post inevitably 2 times a year...without fail. Will I ever not? His birthday and his death day. And perhaps because those 2 days are and will always be very important to me. The day God gave him breath and when He took it away.
  However, this year is slightly different. This year when we raise our glasses to toast his birthday we will toast the coming of his new niece or nephew. 
  *sigh* Here we are...the beginning of our second trimester of our second child, and I am still doing all I can to drum up my excitement and glorious anticipation. I've spent the last 8 weeks dreading the concept of 2 under 2, the bringing back of the bottles, the months of sleepless nights, and all the awful things that come with a newborn. And I am overwhelmed. 
  But, I also have spent the last 2 months looking at my son and knowing that as madly in love as I am with this kid, I will grow to be just as madly in love with the next. A strange and foreign concept to be able to love another as much as I love Owen...but I know it is inevitable. 
  So, as I celebrate today the birth of my brother, I know that to gift our son with a sibling is such a wonderful thing. As hard as I know it will be for me and as much as I anticipate the difficulty, I know that the love they will *fingers crossed* share for each other is worth it all.
  My brother was my world. To give Owen the possibility of experiencing that kind of love and relationship I had with Andy is nothing short of everything. I would not understand life or happiness or sadness or joy or hope if it weren't for Andy. I would most certainly not love as I know how...as imperfect as I might...if it weren't for Andy. I would be nothing without Andy.
  So here we sit and wait for the day that God took Andy away from us.The day that our new baby is to breathe its first. Irony isn't it: to cover up Andy's death day with the day of our child's birth. God does most certainly work in mysterious ways. My due date...his expiration date.
  I am still working through the dread. I am still working through the fear. But, on this wonderful day...the day my mom birthed a legend...the day we celebrate Andy we celebrate our new. 
  Pray for us friends as we embark again (so closely to the last) on this journey of life. Happy birthday, my brother...and happy journey, our new baby. 


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