Skip to main content

If you want to live my life...

  When we try to live our lives, we have one opinion that matters, our own. We have two things to keep in mind: our happiness and our own responsibility. Nothing else truly matters. Nobody else's opinion really matters. We have the option of respecting and responding to other's opinion of ourselves, but we don't have to.
  That's what I am coming to realize. If you want to live my life, then please make a difference in it. If you want to live my life, then support it. If you want to live my life, then take control. But, if you don't do any of those things then please realize that your opinion is just that: an opinion.
  This really does make me sound like a selfish, uncaring human being. It does. I can see that. But, I do believe, in my heart, that is farther from the truth. What I mean to say is this...what does it matter? My actions? My heart? My body? Mt soul? What matters to you? Do you wish me not to be in pain?
  Andy and I had this solidified idea: those who don't understand pain can't truly understand. We all experience pain, but we all experience it differently. We can only try to begin to understand what another is going through. When we try to measure up someone else to ourselves, we lose the idea that every experience is unique. Such is pain.
  Lately, when trying to explain my new relationship, I have this underlying explanation: I have no fear. When he asked me last night, "How happy are you?" I responded, "When I think of you, I don't think of happiness. But, let me explain. Someone once told me I was their constant. They said that even though their world seemed in turmoil and chaos, you were the solid foundation. I didn't understand what that meant until I met you. You are that solid rock on which I stand. I don't quantify my happiness with you...I quantify my constancy."
  So, the more people that find out about me dating white boy, the more I become comfortable with the idea. Not because others are uncomfortable or don't understand, but the more I come to heal from the breaks in my heart. I asked him if he was willing to wait for me to catch up to him in being okay with us...his response, "I am still here."
  Could I ask for anything else? How selfless he is. How selfish I am. We are a balance. We are a counteracting couple. We are us. If you want to manage it yourself, then live me. Then be me...but you can't because you should be too busy with being yourself.

"To be oneself in a world that is constantly trying to make you someone else is the greatest accomplishment." -Emerson

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

The sun will come out...when?

   I could have really used the sun today. You know that feeling between being in an okay mood and being in a not so okay mood? Well, I am there. And, I know for a fact that the sun would have pushed me to the side of okay...or maybe even taken me to great. No sun today. Just grey, blah weather. I hate it! It makes me doubt things. It makes me create things in my mind. It makes me think of the demeantors breeding bad juju.    I need the sun. Today has been more of a blah day than I have experienced in a long while. The weather isn't just hazy, I have become haze. The weather isn't just dank. I have become dank. The weather isn't just cold. I have become cold. So much so that the phone I answer at work would better serve me if thrown through the window in front of me. So much so that the cell phone I keep in touch with my friends would better serve me if broken.     SAD: seasonal affective disorder. I think most people know what this is...

What is love? Baby, I'm hurting...I'm hurting...🎶🎶

  Early last week was bad for white boy. He was injured and is probably left with a broken foot. Now, he hasn't been to the doctor and continues to walk and work and do all the things. He continues to also piss me off because he hasn't gone. Granted, I tend to be stubborn too, but if that would have happened to me and my foot looked like that, I would have been at the doctor's office first thing in the morning.   Having said that, that is all I can think about in the back of my mind. How much he is in pain and how much it sucks. I can't fix it, but I can get irritated and semi-yell at him for not going to have it checked out. Guess that's how I cope. I love him, but damn is it frustrating.   Sometimes I wonder how people show love. Sometimes I wonder if people show love in grandiose ways or if the subtlety of love is what is true love. Sure, I mean when he proposed that was a good indicator that he loves me. When I said yes is also a good indicator that I love him...

3000 miles...

      ...and I am exhausted. Just a little over an hour and a half ago, I reached 3000 miles on my trip, and as I sit here in this hotel room, in Fort Stockton, TX, I am realizing how tired I am. Isn't vacation supposed to be refreshing and relaxing? Yet, I feel neither. I feel as though I am running on fumes, like my car was moments ago before I gave her a drink.       I spent that last hour thinking about all the things I have done, all the people I have seen, all the wonderful food I have eaten, and I realize I am so blessed. I have everything I need and all the love and support a person could ask for, and because of that, I am truly blessed.       It took everything in my power to turn on my computer and type this, so this post is uber short. But, I wanted to thank everyone, thus far, who has extended a gracious hand to host me and be there for me in just a manner to show me love. I love each and everyone of you. (I am sure this will no...