"Getting older's not been on my plans"

  When he first thanked me for hanging out with him, I wasn't sure how to take it. I had never been thanked before in such an odd manner. Why would someone thank me for being in their presence? Why would some one say something that automatically puts me at a higher level?   When I was younger, my parents taught me the authenticity of gratitude. We were thankful children. I believe that if you asked my parents they would agree. Still, to this day, when someone: me, my mom, or my dad makes food...we say thank you. It is the first thing we say as we finish our first bite.   But to have someone thank me for hanging out with them? This was a change. And then...when I would say thank you for something as simple as thanking him for asking about my day I would receive a "you're welcome." Huh. Odd. But, it became a thing with him. First it was a, "Thank you for hanging out with me." Then it was a, "Thank you for spending time with me." Till it became a, ...

  You should have seen his face as he approached the canyon. It was endearing. It was as a 3 year old who has chocolate for the first time. It was as a 6 year old who catches a fish for the first time. The light in his eyes was something I won't ever forget. And he climbed. On everything he could. The rocks, the trees, the small cliffs were no match for him, and I just watched.   Until he grabbed my hand and took me to a secluded spot. Until he snaked his arms around me. Until he asked me if I thought the canyon was beautiful. Until he told me he wanted me to know something. Until he told me he loved me. I watched.   I watched until that moment when his nervous brow crinkled, his heart sped up, his mouth opened to bear his heart, and I became a key role in his life. Then it was like a 3 year old who has chocolate for the first time. Then it was like a 6 year old who catches a fish for the first time. The light in his eyes was something I will never forget.   The r...

Dear Future Husband,   Marriage, to me, was never a means to find my place in this world. It was never a means to find comfort and solice. It was simply: to love. To embrace all your flaws as you embrace mine. Marriage, unbeknownst to many, is not just a piece of paper with the last time I will ever write my maiden name. No, it is more. So much more, and since I chose you, you must obviously feel the same.   Here's what I want: you. You and nothing else. You and no one else. Ever. Some days I will be angry at you for not being who I think you should be. Some days I will want to scream and yell and tear apart the goodness that you bring to my life because sometimes it is going to be hard. Don't change. Don't cease to be the kind-hearted, gentle person that you are when I get that way. It isn't you. I promise.   Because of you, I have laid aside my singlehood for domesticity, and I will fight it. But, I will not mean it. Because I have chosen you, I have chosen to be ...

  Why? Why do I get everything I want? Why do I get to have a father who has never ceased to show me support and affection? Why do I get to have a mother that with every heart beat pulses out love? Why do I get to have had a brother that looked at the concrete I stood on and thought it was gold? Why do I get a family that is so interwoven we find it hard to see each other as individuals? Why do I get to have friends who embrace my individuality as something to praise? Why do I get to have a job that offers me challenges and fulfillment? Why do I get to have a boyfriend that is honorable and pure good? Why? Why me?   Who? Who do I think I am that I should be worthy of all the good that I have? I am nothing but human...who has the world to grasp. I am nothing but a sinner saved by grace who deserves nothing yet has it all.   Friends, count your blessings. I am feeling sentimental...for good reasons. Too often I fail to be thankful. Too often do I take for granted what God...

  Last spring I spent a week and a half in DC with a good friend. Every night I talked to my then boy friend. We talked about his new job, how much we missed each other, and how much we couldn't wait to see each other. The day I got home I was distant.   Since I was young, my introvert pops its head up when I have found that I have gone and gone and gone and haven't stopped. If I don't take time for myself...I start to pull into myself and I cease to function properly.   The night I got home from that trip I wasn't the loving person he was expecting, and it caused a huge rift in our relationship. So much so that he held that night against me it was a point he would bring up when we would argue. I couldn't explain enough that it wasn't him I just needed "me" time.   Since then, I have had a fear that anyone else would treat me with the same amount of misunderstanding and disdain when my distant self would kick in. Not white boy.   In fact, I can...