Last spring I spent a week and a half in DC with a good friend. Every night I talked to my then boy friend. We talked about his new job, how much we missed each other, and how much we couldn't wait to see each other. The day I got home I was distant.
Since I was young, my introvert pops its head up when I have found that I have gone and gone and gone and haven't stopped. If I don't take time for myself...I start to pull into myself and I cease to function properly.
The night I got home from that trip I wasn't the loving person he was expecting, and it caused a huge rift in our relationship. So much so that he held that night against me it was a point he would bring up when we would argue. I couldn't explain enough that it wasn't him I just needed "me" time.
Since then, I have had a fear that anyone else would treat me with the same amount of misunderstanding and disdain when my distant self would kick in. Not white boy.
In fact, I can't always tell when I need go be alone. It just hits me and then I cease to be the bubbly me. My reset button needs resetting and fast. If I don't get it, I get crabby and moody and can't get out. Last night this happened.
The first time I did it, I failed to explain this to him until I was cracking. I think it might have scared him a bit. But, I told him it had nothing to do with us or him. It was me. I needed to reset. He got it. Didn't ask questions or freak out, at least more than he told me, and hasn't held it against me.
Last night he said, "You need 'me' time don't you." Yeah... I did. I do. The beautiful thing is that instead of holding against me or throwing it in my face he tells me he will be there when I am reset.
Last night, the one who couldn't let it go texted me. I was astounded by the differences these two men have. I was shocked to see just how much everyone else has paled in comparison to the one who has pieced my heart back together. I'm blessed, friends. And last night, I got a chance to see again by just how much.
Since I was young, my introvert pops its head up when I have found that I have gone and gone and gone and haven't stopped. If I don't take time for myself...I start to pull into myself and I cease to function properly.
The night I got home from that trip I wasn't the loving person he was expecting, and it caused a huge rift in our relationship. So much so that he held that night against me it was a point he would bring up when we would argue. I couldn't explain enough that it wasn't him I just needed "me" time.
Since then, I have had a fear that anyone else would treat me with the same amount of misunderstanding and disdain when my distant self would kick in. Not white boy.
In fact, I can't always tell when I need go be alone. It just hits me and then I cease to be the bubbly me. My reset button needs resetting and fast. If I don't get it, I get crabby and moody and can't get out. Last night this happened.
The first time I did it, I failed to explain this to him until I was cracking. I think it might have scared him a bit. But, I told him it had nothing to do with us or him. It was me. I needed to reset. He got it. Didn't ask questions or freak out, at least more than he told me, and hasn't held it against me.
Last night he said, "You need 'me' time don't you." Yeah... I did. I do. The beautiful thing is that instead of holding against me or throwing it in my face he tells me he will be there when I am reset.
Last night, the one who couldn't let it go texted me. I was astounded by the differences these two men have. I was shocked to see just how much everyone else has paled in comparison to the one who has pieced my heart back together. I'm blessed, friends. And last night, I got a chance to see again by just how much.
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