Skip to main content

"An open letter to the man I choose to marry"

Dear Future Husband,

  Marriage, to me, was never a means to find my place in this world. It was never a means to find comfort and solice. It was simply: to love. To embrace all your flaws as you embrace mine. Marriage, unbeknownst to many, is not just a piece of paper with the last time I will ever write my maiden name. No, it is more. So much more, and since I chose you, you must obviously feel the same.
  Here's what I want: you. You and nothing else. You and no one else. Ever. Some days I will be angry at you for not being who I think you should be. Some days I will want to scream and yell and tear apart the goodness that you bring to my life because sometimes it is going to be hard. Don't change. Don't cease to be the kind-hearted, gentle person that you are when I get that way. It isn't you. I promise.
  Because of you, I have laid aside my singlehood for domesticity, and I will fight it. But, I will not mean it. Because I have chosen you, I have chosen to be embraced every night and every morning. I have chosen to allow you into every crevice of my heart so that you can bury yourself inside. I have chosen to allow you to plant yourself into my very being so that you and I become one. So that your roots become so entwined with mine we are indistinguishable.  I chose you. Out of all the others...you. But remember you chose me too. And that mutuality it is what will keep us equal.
  I promise you there will be times when I will hug you tighter so I know you will remember me when we fight and you want to leave. I promise you there will be times when I will kiss you longer so when you want to spit negative words at me you remember the taste of my kiss instead. I promise you there will be times when I stare at you more intensely so when you don't want to look at me you will remember the contours of my face.
  I want you to remember one thing. It is us. Only us. You will become my ups and my downs. You, more than anyone else, will become the reason I want to hold onto this life. Not fame, not career, not friends, not family...you. So I ask you to catch me when I fall and support me when I can't go on.
  Together we will build a life full of love and passion and goodness and pain and suffering and never look back knowing that God has brought our hearts to the place where we never thought we could be. We will love each other with a never-ending fire that will consume us because to live in mediocrity is to not live at all.
  I may be afraid now, but knowing I will be forever the object of your reason to breathe gives me hope that that fear will cease to take precedence in me. I trust you. I trust your love, your care, your respect, and your reason for choosing me. And for letting me choose you, I thank you.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

The sun will come out...when?

   I could have really used the sun today. You know that feeling between being in an okay mood and being in a not so okay mood? Well, I am there. And, I know for a fact that the sun would have pushed me to the side of okay...or maybe even taken me to great. No sun today. Just grey, blah weather. I hate it! It makes me doubt things. It makes me create things in my mind. It makes me think of the demeantors breeding bad juju.    I need the sun. Today has been more of a blah day than I have experienced in a long while. The weather isn't just hazy, I have become haze. The weather isn't just dank. I have become dank. The weather isn't just cold. I have become cold. So much so that the phone I answer at work would better serve me if thrown through the window in front of me. So much so that the cell phone I keep in touch with my friends would better serve me if broken.     SAD: seasonal affective disorder. I think most people know what this is...

Used to but not anymore

       I used to have this friend. It was a friendship that was uncomplicated and never required a lot of personal struggle. I never felt uncomfortable or as though I had to compromise myself. It was a friendship of true honesty and sincerity, and I miss it.         Oddly enough, I have these moments that I imagine my entire life ending. Just stopping. And as I ponder on where I am and who I am around and who would be affected, I think of this friend. Probably because they aren't around anymore. I think that perhaps they aren't around to help me cope with the things I encounter on a daily basis. Odd, you say? Eh, if you knew them, you wouldn't think so.         I honestly can't remember the first time I met this person. I was very young, and never imagined that we would grow as close as we did. It was perhaps a friendship forged in similar tastes and loves. We loved to banter about religion and philosophy and litera...

What is love? Baby, I'm hurting...I'm hurting...🎶🎶

  Early last week was bad for white boy. He was injured and is probably left with a broken foot. Now, he hasn't been to the doctor and continues to walk and work and do all the things. He continues to also piss me off because he hasn't gone. Granted, I tend to be stubborn too, but if that would have happened to me and my foot looked like that, I would have been at the doctor's office first thing in the morning.   Having said that, that is all I can think about in the back of my mind. How much he is in pain and how much it sucks. I can't fix it, but I can get irritated and semi-yell at him for not going to have it checked out. Guess that's how I cope. I love him, but damn is it frustrating.   Sometimes I wonder how people show love. Sometimes I wonder if people show love in grandiose ways or if the subtlety of love is what is true love. Sure, I mean when he proposed that was a good indicator that he loves me. When I said yes is also a good indicator that I love him...