It was completely unassuming. I tend to be that way at times.
On the night before my 30th birthday, he told me he had 2 questions for me: "How was I going to introduce him to my friends, and would I be his girlfriend." I was confused at the first, a little shocked at the second but said yes, and the rest was history.
Until I couldn't take it. I was drowning in my own past hurts. Being his girlfriend was suffocating me, and I needed to get out. Around August last year I took it back. I told him I couldn't be his girlfriend just yet. It was a word that held too much weight and I couldn't be that. I truly thought he would take off and run away from me. There was a little hope that he would. But...instead since he knew I was a traditionalist and needed the formal asking, he asked me how he would know I was ready. I told him I would ask him the next time. If there was a next time.
I had told him if I asked him, I would give him everything and at that point I believed we had a chance. There would be no going back. The next month and a half were mentally grueling. I was at war with my head and my heart. I knew this man would love and cherish me forever, but I couldn't stand the consistency. I had been in relationship after relationship with men who were hot one minute and cold the next. All I knew was dramatic fluctuations in feelings.
September 11th, 2015, I decided to lay my fear aside. It was a fun day...putt putt golf, dinner, and a cool evening spent on his porch were delightfully nice. We had been going out on dates more, and he continued to woo me even though I told him I wasn't his any longer. I handed him a box with one question: "will you be my boyfriend?"
I trembled inside for the fear that I knew what I was saying and what I was promising. I was giving him my forever. I was laying it in the hands of someone who would hold tight and dear the brokenness of my heart.
One year ago, I asked him. One year. One year and he still holds my forever. I am blessed to have him and to call him mine. We are as different as the sun and moon, and yet we give each other light and beauty. Baby bee, you are a godsend. I am so honored to be your fiancé and best friend. I struggle without you and find it harder to remember the state of my heart before you. Thank you for one trying, menacing, heartwrenching, glorious, and magical year. We are not perfect, but I find a small sliver of perfection when you hold my hand and call me yours. To another year... *cheer cheers**
On the night before my 30th birthday, he told me he had 2 questions for me: "How was I going to introduce him to my friends, and would I be his girlfriend." I was confused at the first, a little shocked at the second but said yes, and the rest was history.
Until I couldn't take it. I was drowning in my own past hurts. Being his girlfriend was suffocating me, and I needed to get out. Around August last year I took it back. I told him I couldn't be his girlfriend just yet. It was a word that held too much weight and I couldn't be that. I truly thought he would take off and run away from me. There was a little hope that he would. But...instead since he knew I was a traditionalist and needed the formal asking, he asked me how he would know I was ready. I told him I would ask him the next time. If there was a next time.
I had told him if I asked him, I would give him everything and at that point I believed we had a chance. There would be no going back. The next month and a half were mentally grueling. I was at war with my head and my heart. I knew this man would love and cherish me forever, but I couldn't stand the consistency. I had been in relationship after relationship with men who were hot one minute and cold the next. All I knew was dramatic fluctuations in feelings.
September 11th, 2015, I decided to lay my fear aside. It was a fun day...putt putt golf, dinner, and a cool evening spent on his porch were delightfully nice. We had been going out on dates more, and he continued to woo me even though I told him I wasn't his any longer. I handed him a box with one question: "will you be my boyfriend?"
I trembled inside for the fear that I knew what I was saying and what I was promising. I was giving him my forever. I was laying it in the hands of someone who would hold tight and dear the brokenness of my heart.
One year ago, I asked him. One year. One year and he still holds my forever. I am blessed to have him and to call him mine. We are as different as the sun and moon, and yet we give each other light and beauty. Baby bee, you are a godsend. I am so honored to be your fiancé and best friend. I struggle without you and find it harder to remember the state of my heart before you. Thank you for one trying, menacing, heartwrenching, glorious, and magical year. We are not perfect, but I find a small sliver of perfection when you hold my hand and call me yours. To another year... *cheer cheers**
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