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The bitter taste of neediness

  I am woman...hear me roar! Okay, maybe not roar, especially since I have been dealing with major allergies this week. But still. Today, I have felt the bitter taste of neediness, and I am not quite sure I like it.
  For the last several weeks, he has had to work weekends and I get exactly 1 solid day by his side. Had you asked me a year ago, I would have been fine with that. Now, I am not fairing so well. Granted, it could be because I have started my period and I have been known to get emotional, but even last weekend I felt this way.
  "What way," you ask. That I am more invested in this relationship than him. Lately, I have wanted nothing more than to be by his side...touching him, making sure he is not a figment of my imagination, kissing him, holding hands, and all the typical emotional things vulnerable people want in a relationship. And I'm struggling.
  Last weekend, although slightly under the influence of alcohol, I told him I wanted him to initiate a physical connection with me. Does he tell me he loves me? Yes. Does he tell me he wants to be with me? Yes. Does that change the fact that I feel as of late that I am the one who takes the physical lead in this relationship? No.
  Since he started working weekends too, I feel distance. I feel alone. And, since I have not felt this type of vulnerability, I feel terrified. I'm the one who doesn't need people. I stand on my own two feet! I lean on myself! I'm independent! But... it doesn't seem to be working anymore. And the bitter taste of neediness doesn't sit well. Am I losing myself?!
  When I bring it up to him, I am paranoid. I am typical emotional female. I hate that. I'm the un-needy! What has become of me? It makes me want to become distant and unavailable if only to regain the person I know well. I don't know how to handle this new person . In fact, I don't know if I like this new person. Where did I go?

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