Skip to main content

To the friends who come, go, and stay

  Recently, I have been thinking about this quote, "If your are not losing friends, then you aren't growing up." I have lost several friends as an adult. Some I thought would be around forever. I have gained some new ones that I wouldn't change for the old ones. And I have some friends that are just indelible marks on my heart; therefore, will never go away (for the good.)
  But recently I have been thinking about the ones that are gone. One in particular. She happens to be the first friend I made when my family and I moved to Tulsa. I knew no one. I was the new kid at school. I had moved from a very very small school to a much larger school with the already slight inability to make friends easily. But, she accepted me.
  After high school, we stayed in touch missing several beats when she went to law school and when she moved out of state...we just seemed to grow closer. We texted all the time. In fact, she was usually my good morning or good night text. Then one day... it ended. I know why, but it is still strange. Interestingly, there was no animosity (according to her) perhaps there was/is. Perhaps she still feels hurt. Who knows. It's like breaking up with your lover and then having to just exist with them no longer in your life.
  She was such a constant for me. She was ALWAYS there for me. It was even more comfortable to go to her about personal issues than it was anyone else in my life. She was a source of strength when Mitchell ditched me, and a tower of freedom when Zain kicked my heart to the curb, and she was there when Julian shredded my emotions. The saddest part is that now that I have found Justin... I have not been able to share with her the most amazing thing that has happened to me.
  It hurts. My heart hurts. I miss her. I want her back, but she is stubborn like me, and the texts, though few and far between, seem awkward and distant. I often think if she misses me as I do her. Who knows. Who the hell knows.
  If you read this, I miss you. :'( and I love you mucho...

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The sun will come out...when?

   I could have really used the sun today. You know that feeling between being in an okay mood and being in a not so okay mood? Well, I am there. And, I know for a fact that the sun would have pushed me to the side of okay...or maybe even taken me to great. No sun today. Just grey, blah weather. I hate it! It makes me doubt things. It makes me create things in my mind. It makes me think of the demeantors breeding bad juju.    I need the sun. Today has been more of a blah day than I have experienced in a long while. The weather isn't just hazy, I have become haze. The weather isn't just dank. I have become dank. The weather isn't just cold. I have become cold. So much so that the phone I answer at work would better serve me if thrown through the window in front of me. So much so that the cell phone I keep in touch with my friends would better serve me if broken.     SAD: seasonal affective disorder. I think most people know what this is...
Post a Comment
Read more

Used to but not anymore

       I used to have this friend. It was a friendship that was uncomplicated and never required a lot of personal struggle. I never felt uncomfortable or as though I had to compromise myself. It was a friendship of true honesty and sincerity, and I miss it.         Oddly enough, I have these moments that I imagine my entire life ending. Just stopping. And as I ponder on where I am and who I am around and who would be affected, I think of this friend. Probably because they aren't around anymore. I think that perhaps they aren't around to help me cope with the things I encounter on a daily basis. Odd, you say? Eh, if you knew them, you wouldn't think so.         I honestly can't remember the first time I met this person. I was very young, and never imagined that we would grow as close as we did. It was perhaps a friendship forged in similar tastes and loves. We loved to banter about religion and philosophy and litera...
2 comments
Read more

What is love? Baby, I'm hurting...I'm hurting...🎶🎶

  Early last week was bad for white boy. He was injured and is probably left with a broken foot. Now, he hasn't been to the doctor and continues to walk and work and do all the things. He continues to also piss me off because he hasn't gone. Granted, I tend to be stubborn too, but if that would have happened to me and my foot looked like that, I would have been at the doctor's office first thing in the morning.   Having said that, that is all I can think about in the back of my mind. How much he is in pain and how much it sucks. I can't fix it, but I can get irritated and semi-yell at him for not going to have it checked out. Guess that's how I cope. I love him, but damn is it frustrating.   Sometimes I wonder how people show love. Sometimes I wonder if people show love in grandiose ways or if the subtlety of love is what is true love. Sure, I mean when he proposed that was a good indicator that he loves me. When I said yes is also a good indicator that I love him...
Post a Comment
Read more