Skip to main content

To the friends who come, go, and stay

  Recently, I have been thinking about this quote, "If your are not losing friends, then you aren't growing up." I have lost several friends as an adult. Some I thought would be around forever. I have gained some new ones that I wouldn't change for the old ones. And I have some friends that are just indelible marks on my heart; therefore, will never go away (for the good.)
  But recently I have been thinking about the ones that are gone. One in particular. She happens to be the first friend I made when my family and I moved to Tulsa. I knew no one. I was the new kid at school. I had moved from a very very small school to a much larger school with the already slight inability to make friends easily. But, she accepted me.
  After high school, we stayed in touch missing several beats when she went to law school and when she moved out of state...we just seemed to grow closer. We texted all the time. In fact, she was usually my good morning or good night text. Then one day... it ended. I know why, but it is still strange. Interestingly, there was no animosity (according to her) perhaps there was/is. Perhaps she still feels hurt. Who knows. It's like breaking up with your lover and then having to just exist with them no longer in your life.
  She was such a constant for me. She was ALWAYS there for me. It was even more comfortable to go to her about personal issues than it was anyone else in my life. She was a source of strength when Mitchell ditched me, and a tower of freedom when Zain kicked my heart to the curb, and she was there when Julian shredded my emotions. The saddest part is that now that I have found Justin... I have not been able to share with her the most amazing thing that has happened to me.
  It hurts. My heart hurts. I miss her. I want her back, but she is stubborn like me, and the texts, though few and far between, seem awkward and distant. I often think if she misses me as I do her. Who knows. Who the hell knows.
  If you read this, I miss you. :'( and I love you mucho...

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Beneath the Weeping Willow

  "The willow submits to the wind and prospers until one day it is many willows—a wall against the wind. This is the willow's purpose." —  Frank Herbert, Dune   Time, although a very evasive concept, is in each moment a gift. And most often, I don't stop to look back at the road I have traveled on. Even more so, the road Justin and I have travelled together. But today it is warranted. Today marks 9 years as husband and wife, and 9 years of truly some amazing and adverse moments. We have lost the most cherished and birthed the most loved all the while interwoven with each other.    I will be the first to admit that our day to day appears to some: mundane. However, inside the ordinary he and I together have understood the profundity of love. It is brash and loud, but it is also cautious and quiet.  "Love is a many splendored thing."  It is the true basis of community, and I am proud of the community we have built.   The  willow  is the t...
Post a Comment
Read more

A human mirror

  I look at myself, a lot. I think it has something to do with the fact that I didn't think myself attractive for a long time. Now, I can look at myself even when someone else is in the bathroom. Before, I entered with head bowed and left the same. There are times when I look at myself 3 times before I leave. Most of the time, I focus on one aspect of myself: my eyes, my hair, my waist line, my clothes...something. I can see how this seems egotistical, but perhaps I am making up for lost mirror time.   However, I can only remember one time that I actually looked into the mirror to see something deeper than my outward appearance. And it scared me. I honestly didn't think it was possible to look into the mirror and truly see oneself. It always seemed so cliché. Until I did it.   That was 4 months ago. The moment I decided to walk away from a "relationship" that was nothing more than a confusing drag. It held me bound and clipped the wings I knew God had given me to f...
Post a Comment
Read more

It's the underlying peace...

For some reason, dating my first boyfriend was hard. I was 21; he was 18. We were together for maybe 2 months. I am even reluctant to call him my boyfriend. Classic story of he wanted me; I was bored...voila. And not too long before I broke it off, I found myself in the sacristy talking to my then pastor. I was confused and hurt. I honestly can't even remember why. But he changed me that day.   He told me this: when he was discerning the priesthood two weeks prior to ordination, he struggled. He struggled so much he was beginning to believe his choice of vocation was wrong. His spiritual director at the time told him to pray. He told him to spend one solid week praying as though he was going to leave formation. Leaning all prayer toward that thought. Then, he told him to pray the next solid week as though he was going to stay and become the priest that he believed, at one point, he was supposed to be.   And as he prayed, he struggled. His mind wanted to wander and his desire...
Post a Comment
Read more