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For what greater good?

   I just want to be loved and to love in return. It is the story in all of us. It has to be. But, when do we decide who gets that love? I am amazed at how easy it is to find the "love" we think we want...whether it be in an infatuation, or someone telling me I am what they want. That isn't the point at all. The point? Then? Who deserves that love.
    I set out on this journey of: "Whatever it costs" to see if I could sustain a sense of abandonment or a sense of enlightenment. What I have discovered about myself is this: I am a woman on a journey. I am a woman on a journey who is not sure where the twists and turns will lead, but prays they lead to the deeper romance she desires.
    Today, I was asked this, "What brings you to fulfillment?" I couldn't answer. Then I was asked this, "What brings you to pleasure." That is a much easier question to answer, because the answer is this: men desiring me. How simple...and yet how unfulfilling. When I think of my larger story in life, I believe that I am called to more, but my simple answer of human pleasure is so much easier to believe in our rely on. I love being in love. I love being in a relationship. I should! We should! We are called to community.
     However, that false sense of community will only bring us pain. I gave learned this:that if we rely on the world to bring us pleasure we have placed on the world a responsibility it was never meant to carry. We are meant for the greater beauty that is heaven itself. Is this really as good as it gets? What if it were? I promise you I would be living a much different lifestyle. I would be having copious amounts of sex. I would be doing illicit drugs. I would be spending everything I made and more. Why? Because human pleasure is just that...pleasure. But, it is unfulfilling.
    I set out on this journey for the greater good. I believe I know what that good is, I just am not there. Hope has carried me through. Do I wish and desire that things were different as they are now? Absolutely! Am I willing to pay price knowing that there is something more fulfilling down the road less traveled? Yes. I am. For the first time, I am. Come what may. Come what may. For the greater good...come what may.

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