There's a small thin line between can't and won't. One may say, "I can't run a 5k." And, another may say, "I won't run a 5k." I do believe that without proper context that line gets glass thin.
Here is one thing I won't do again: put myself in a situation to be duped. Again. I consider myself to be a pretty strong person, but I do have moments, when my heart breaks that my strength seeps away. Then I feel as weak as an infant.
I sometimes wonder what it is the majority of people ask of each other. I would venture to say that it would be love and acceptance. It is so easy to look around and see such a lack of this in our world. But, when we bring our world down to those we are close and intimate with, the question is the same: will you love me; will you accept me?
And since we do, on such a daily basis seek out those who can answer this question in the way we desire, we have to see if that thin line exists. Their answer can either be..."I can't. Or, I won't." The hardest part is in the waiting. Because as much as we desire to be loved and accepted, someone has to do the love and accepting.
God. God does it. No matter who we ask on this earth to love and accept us. The one person we don't have to ask is the one who is constantly asking us. I went to a retreat today, and the question that stood out to me in the list of questions to reflect on was this: "Am I willing to give up everything to God? What will it cost me." Rich Mullins said this, "And never assume that if it cost Him his very life, that it won't also cost you yours."
There is a precipice that I have been standing on. I feel my toes hanging over the edge, causing my balance to teeter. I fear the unknown. I fear, that when I do come to the place where I can step off, I will crash. I fear the fallout. But, if I never step off the edge the impending fallout will only haunt me.
Here is one thing I won't do again: be duped. I have such a small understanding at this moment what it must feel like to have God say, "You enjoyed me. You loved me. You accepted me. Then you decided to see what else was waiting for you, perhaps knowing that this was what I had planned for you. But, come to me and I will love you again." However, there is a difference between me and God. While He is patient and willing to be duped by us over and over...I am not.
As I sat in contemplation today, I looked to my right and began to cry. Because, I saw what it may cost me. And...I am not quite sure if I am willing to lose it again.
Here is one thing I won't do again: put myself in a situation to be duped. Again. I consider myself to be a pretty strong person, but I do have moments, when my heart breaks that my strength seeps away. Then I feel as weak as an infant.
I sometimes wonder what it is the majority of people ask of each other. I would venture to say that it would be love and acceptance. It is so easy to look around and see such a lack of this in our world. But, when we bring our world down to those we are close and intimate with, the question is the same: will you love me; will you accept me?
And since we do, on such a daily basis seek out those who can answer this question in the way we desire, we have to see if that thin line exists. Their answer can either be..."I can't. Or, I won't." The hardest part is in the waiting. Because as much as we desire to be loved and accepted, someone has to do the love and accepting.
God. God does it. No matter who we ask on this earth to love and accept us. The one person we don't have to ask is the one who is constantly asking us. I went to a retreat today, and the question that stood out to me in the list of questions to reflect on was this: "Am I willing to give up everything to God? What will it cost me." Rich Mullins said this, "And never assume that if it cost Him his very life, that it won't also cost you yours."
There is a precipice that I have been standing on. I feel my toes hanging over the edge, causing my balance to teeter. I fear the unknown. I fear, that when I do come to the place where I can step off, I will crash. I fear the fallout. But, if I never step off the edge the impending fallout will only haunt me.
Here is one thing I won't do again: be duped. I have such a small understanding at this moment what it must feel like to have God say, "You enjoyed me. You loved me. You accepted me. Then you decided to see what else was waiting for you, perhaps knowing that this was what I had planned for you. But, come to me and I will love you again." However, there is a difference between me and God. While He is patient and willing to be duped by us over and over...I am not.
As I sat in contemplation today, I looked to my right and began to cry. Because, I saw what it may cost me. And...I am not quite sure if I am willing to lose it again.
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