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5 years past

  *whew* when does it end? When do we come to the moment when we look back and see that 5 years have come and gone? Now. Now is that moment. For the last 5 years, I have lived without the one person who made, in my life, the greatest difference. And sometimes, I wonder if I have lived up to his expectations.
  I don't know. I can only imagine, but I have a feeling that at some deep level, in his heart, he would be proud. But, who is to know. I feel that I know more than most what he would be proud of, and in my deepest struggles, he was still proud of me.
  Tonight, after 5 years of his death, I got to hang out with my friends. I got to be with the people who held my heart and soul above water. And that has made all the difference. I am so blessed. I am blessed beyond measure.
  So what next? Only me. I am next. It is my life that must be weighed and hopefully not found wanting. It is my life that must take the next step. I can't imagine sometimes living without him, but I have no choice. I have no choice but to take the influence he made in my life and make something beautiful. I am ready.
  To my brother: there is nothing more than you. There is nothing, in my life, that doesn't have a signature of you in it. There is nothing, in my life, that doesn't reflect a glimpse of you. There is nothing, in my life, that doesn't give me more pleasure than being your sister.
  To my parents: you have given life to a beautiful soul. You have given life to someone who loved more than life itself. You have given life to someone who explicitly understood love above anything. Thank you.
  To my friends: thank you. My crutch which became my addendum. My support which became my joy. My all which became my past time. Thank you.
 My family: you are more than words itself. Your everything is my everything. I have no words.
  I am more than ready for anything that may comes my way...come on life. Prove to me that you can break me. Because when the one who I loved most is gone, nothing else can break me. I dare you to try. Life...bring me joy. I am ready.
 

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