It happened without warning, which I imagine is how it usually does. He came into my cubicle, and without much pretense: smiled, asked me how I was, told me to have a good rest of the day, and walked out.
I didn't really recognize it. He walked in later, smiled, touched my shoulder, heaved a sigh of slight exhaustion, tilted his head, and gave me that he look he gives me. Ya know, the one that says all he can't say because he can't figure out why he likes me so much...and then walked out.
I usually see him down the hall. I have the ability to now recognize him anywhere. The way his shirts cling to his thick arms, the way his pants bunch at his shoes cause they are too long and he wouldn't take them back when I told him it would be a good idea. The way his arms are covered in those silly paper sleeves. It is like they are covering a secret only I know. The way his gait shows such determination and focus. I can recognize all of it. It's the small things.
Wanna know my favorite part? When he doesn't notice me back. If he spots me down the hall or walking toward him, he smiles and sometimes whispers a comment laced with secret snark. Sure, I like those moments. But my favorite ones are those in which he can't see me. I get to witness his pure determination. I get to witness his passion. I get to witness his desire to succeed. And it is so beautiful.
Perhaps it has been all of these things that caused me to feel it. The saddest part is that I didn't even realize it until I was on my way home. I felt happy. I thought back to our short encounters today, and I smiled. I felt happiness for the first time. Then I became elated! Pathetic? If you only knew what this told me. It told me I was healing. It told me that the betrayal I felt from the past was starting to slowly vanish. It gave me hope. It gives me hope.
I am a broken glass vessel that is becoming something that can one day hold happiness and love again. I am far from where I should be, but I am on my way. And, God has truly blessed me with a person who not only doesn't rush but also fully supports.
I felt a tinge of happiness today. Unexpectedly. But that's how it usually comes; isn't it?
I didn't really recognize it. He walked in later, smiled, touched my shoulder, heaved a sigh of slight exhaustion, tilted his head, and gave me that he look he gives me. Ya know, the one that says all he can't say because he can't figure out why he likes me so much...and then walked out.
I usually see him down the hall. I have the ability to now recognize him anywhere. The way his shirts cling to his thick arms, the way his pants bunch at his shoes cause they are too long and he wouldn't take them back when I told him it would be a good idea. The way his arms are covered in those silly paper sleeves. It is like they are covering a secret only I know. The way his gait shows such determination and focus. I can recognize all of it. It's the small things.
Wanna know my favorite part? When he doesn't notice me back. If he spots me down the hall or walking toward him, he smiles and sometimes whispers a comment laced with secret snark. Sure, I like those moments. But my favorite ones are those in which he can't see me. I get to witness his pure determination. I get to witness his passion. I get to witness his desire to succeed. And it is so beautiful.
Perhaps it has been all of these things that caused me to feel it. The saddest part is that I didn't even realize it until I was on my way home. I felt happy. I thought back to our short encounters today, and I smiled. I felt happiness for the first time. Then I became elated! Pathetic? If you only knew what this told me. It told me I was healing. It told me that the betrayal I felt from the past was starting to slowly vanish. It gave me hope. It gives me hope.
I am a broken glass vessel that is becoming something that can one day hold happiness and love again. I am far from where I should be, but I am on my way. And, God has truly blessed me with a person who not only doesn't rush but also fully supports.
I felt a tinge of happiness today. Unexpectedly. But that's how it usually comes; isn't it?
Comments
Post a Comment