Skip to main content

Man smell

  I asked why he smelled so good, and he responds, "I put on deodorant when I got off work." It isn't so much how he smells in that moment. It is that I know I will smell like him when I go home.
  I love the way he smells, and when I don't get it for a few days I begin to miss it. Sad thing, is that I don't realize I miss it until I smell it (him) again. But that's the way it is isn't it...we don't truly realize what we miss until we experience it again.
  I consider myself pretty lucky. I have a guy who when I spend 4 out of 5 days being moody and downright bitchy still has the audacity to text me and tell me he misses me. All I can think about is the last conversation we had on the phone. You know...the one where I riled on him and laid into him because I was feeling moody. Yeah, that one.
  And although he has no problem calling me out on it, he would rather spend our time talking about the good parts than the negative. I've been a mess lately. Why? Who the hell knows. Probably a mixture of work, the other work, and school...and when he tells me he is there to support me in all of it, I find myself wanting to rip him apart. How dare he think he needs to support me in my life? How dare he feel as though his support matters. How dare he?
  Isn't that what we want? Isn't that what gives us the next breath? The opportunity to hand someone standing next to us telling us they fully support us? I do believe I am a mess. Luckily, he knows that. He knows my past; he knows my struggle; he knows my complete mental anguish...and he is still here.
  I know he is here because I smell him. I smell him on me, and that is reassurance enough that he isn't going anywhere and I have the support I need...at any time at any place.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The sun will come out...when?

   I could have really used the sun today. You know that feeling between being in an okay mood and being in a not so okay mood? Well, I am there. And, I know for a fact that the sun would have pushed me to the side of okay...or maybe even taken me to great. No sun today. Just grey, blah weather. I hate it! It makes me doubt things. It makes me create things in my mind. It makes me think of the demeantors breeding bad juju.    I need the sun. Today has been more of a blah day than I have experienced in a long while. The weather isn't just hazy, I have become haze. The weather isn't just dank. I have become dank. The weather isn't just cold. I have become cold. So much so that the phone I answer at work would better serve me if thrown through the window in front of me. So much so that the cell phone I keep in touch with my friends would better serve me if broken.     SAD: seasonal affective disorder. I think most people know what this is...
Post a Comment
Read more

Used to but not anymore

       I used to have this friend. It was a friendship that was uncomplicated and never required a lot of personal struggle. I never felt uncomfortable or as though I had to compromise myself. It was a friendship of true honesty and sincerity, and I miss it.         Oddly enough, I have these moments that I imagine my entire life ending. Just stopping. And as I ponder on where I am and who I am around and who would be affected, I think of this friend. Probably because they aren't around anymore. I think that perhaps they aren't around to help me cope with the things I encounter on a daily basis. Odd, you say? Eh, if you knew them, you wouldn't think so.         I honestly can't remember the first time I met this person. I was very young, and never imagined that we would grow as close as we did. It was perhaps a friendship forged in similar tastes and loves. We loved to banter about religion and philosophy and litera...
2 comments
Read more

What is love? Baby, I'm hurting...I'm hurting...🎶🎶

  Early last week was bad for white boy. He was injured and is probably left with a broken foot. Now, he hasn't been to the doctor and continues to walk and work and do all the things. He continues to also piss me off because he hasn't gone. Granted, I tend to be stubborn too, but if that would have happened to me and my foot looked like that, I would have been at the doctor's office first thing in the morning.   Having said that, that is all I can think about in the back of my mind. How much he is in pain and how much it sucks. I can't fix it, but I can get irritated and semi-yell at him for not going to have it checked out. Guess that's how I cope. I love him, but damn is it frustrating.   Sometimes I wonder how people show love. Sometimes I wonder if people show love in grandiose ways or if the subtlety of love is what is true love. Sure, I mean when he proposed that was a good indicator that he loves me. When I said yes is also a good indicator that I love him...
Post a Comment
Read more