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Man smell

  I asked why he smelled so good, and he responds, "I put on deodorant when I got off work." It isn't so much how he smells in that moment. It is that I know I will smell like him when I go home.
  I love the way he smells, and when I don't get it for a few days I begin to miss it. Sad thing, is that I don't realize I miss it until I smell it (him) again. But that's the way it is isn't it...we don't truly realize what we miss until we experience it again.
  I consider myself pretty lucky. I have a guy who when I spend 4 out of 5 days being moody and downright bitchy still has the audacity to text me and tell me he misses me. All I can think about is the last conversation we had on the phone. You know...the one where I riled on him and laid into him because I was feeling moody. Yeah, that one.
  And although he has no problem calling me out on it, he would rather spend our time talking about the good parts than the negative. I've been a mess lately. Why? Who the hell knows. Probably a mixture of work, the other work, and school...and when he tells me he is there to support me in all of it, I find myself wanting to rip him apart. How dare he think he needs to support me in my life? How dare he feel as though his support matters. How dare he?
  Isn't that what we want? Isn't that what gives us the next breath? The opportunity to hand someone standing next to us telling us they fully support us? I do believe I am a mess. Luckily, he knows that. He knows my past; he knows my struggle; he knows my complete mental anguish...and he is still here.
  I know he is here because I smell him. I smell him on me, and that is reassurance enough that he isn't going anywhere and I have the support I need...at any time at any place.

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