Skip to main content

30 years...5 months

  I had this idea that I would be the perfect girlfriend. Ha! That was before, when I thought I didn't act like other girls or women. Yeah... I am definitely a woman, and I definitely embrace it.
  I had this idea that the first guy I was ever involved with would be the only. Ha! That was before, when I thought I was the exception not the rule. Yeah... I definitely did not end up with the first or the second or the third or when I went back to the first.
  Today marks the longest relationship I have been in. In 30 years, I have made it 5 months. Call it sad. Call it tragic. Call it what you will. To my defense, I only started dating when I was 27. I did not see myself as attractive, sexually appealing, or interesting to the opposite sex.
  But this post isn't about me. Or the exes. It's about white boy and acceptance. I will admit to anyone that he is/was not my type. He is/was not the kind of guy I was looking forward to spending a long time with. But, he kind of wound himself around my heart and kept a firm hold. Now, he is the only type I want. And by type...I strictly just mean him.
  5 months doesn't seem like a long time. In the grand scheme of things it isn't. It is quite short, but for some reason I was never able to make it to this point in any relationship. And thankfully so. The other night, while playing poker with each other (he beat me of course) we began to talk about if the people we were with didn't end up they way they did we would still be with them. My question to him was, "Would he still want to be with them?"
  I thought about this particular question the other day driving home. If...any one of my exes were to not have cheated or disentangled themselves from our relationship, would I still "want" to be with them. It took me 3 seconds to say no. No. Because they aren't him. I couldn't see any of them taking care of me the way white boy does. I couldn't see me wanting to hold them the way my arms long to hold him. I couldn't see my lips ache for them as mine do for him. I just can't see it.
  I could ramble and ramble about sappy relationshipy things, but that's not the point. The point...is that I have found someone that not only do I want to be with but someone who wants to be with me. So refreshing.
  Happy 5 months babe...I am crazy weird, disturbingly blunt, decidedly independent, and madly in love with you. Here's to many many a more.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The sun will come out...when?

   I could have really used the sun today. You know that feeling between being in an okay mood and being in a not so okay mood? Well, I am there. And, I know for a fact that the sun would have pushed me to the side of okay...or maybe even taken me to great. No sun today. Just grey, blah weather. I hate it! It makes me doubt things. It makes me create things in my mind. It makes me think of the demeantors breeding bad juju.    I need the sun. Today has been more of a blah day than I have experienced in a long while. The weather isn't just hazy, I have become haze. The weather isn't just dank. I have become dank. The weather isn't just cold. I have become cold. So much so that the phone I answer at work would better serve me if thrown through the window in front of me. So much so that the cell phone I keep in touch with my friends would better serve me if broken.     SAD: seasonal affective disorder. I think most people know what this is...
Post a Comment
Read more

Used to but not anymore

       I used to have this friend. It was a friendship that was uncomplicated and never required a lot of personal struggle. I never felt uncomfortable or as though I had to compromise myself. It was a friendship of true honesty and sincerity, and I miss it.         Oddly enough, I have these moments that I imagine my entire life ending. Just stopping. And as I ponder on where I am and who I am around and who would be affected, I think of this friend. Probably because they aren't around anymore. I think that perhaps they aren't around to help me cope with the things I encounter on a daily basis. Odd, you say? Eh, if you knew them, you wouldn't think so.         I honestly can't remember the first time I met this person. I was very young, and never imagined that we would grow as close as we did. It was perhaps a friendship forged in similar tastes and loves. We loved to banter about religion and philosophy and litera...
2 comments
Read more

What is love? Baby, I'm hurting...I'm hurting...🎶🎶

  Early last week was bad for white boy. He was injured and is probably left with a broken foot. Now, he hasn't been to the doctor and continues to walk and work and do all the things. He continues to also piss me off because he hasn't gone. Granted, I tend to be stubborn too, but if that would have happened to me and my foot looked like that, I would have been at the doctor's office first thing in the morning.   Having said that, that is all I can think about in the back of my mind. How much he is in pain and how much it sucks. I can't fix it, but I can get irritated and semi-yell at him for not going to have it checked out. Guess that's how I cope. I love him, but damn is it frustrating.   Sometimes I wonder how people show love. Sometimes I wonder if people show love in grandiose ways or if the subtlety of love is what is true love. Sure, I mean when he proposed that was a good indicator that he loves me. When I said yes is also a good indicator that I love him...
Post a Comment
Read more