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30 years...5 months

  I had this idea that I would be the perfect girlfriend. Ha! That was before, when I thought I didn't act like other girls or women. Yeah... I am definitely a woman, and I definitely embrace it.
  I had this idea that the first guy I was ever involved with would be the only. Ha! That was before, when I thought I was the exception not the rule. Yeah... I definitely did not end up with the first or the second or the third or when I went back to the first.
  Today marks the longest relationship I have been in. In 30 years, I have made it 5 months. Call it sad. Call it tragic. Call it what you will. To my defense, I only started dating when I was 27. I did not see myself as attractive, sexually appealing, or interesting to the opposite sex.
  But this post isn't about me. Or the exes. It's about white boy and acceptance. I will admit to anyone that he is/was not my type. He is/was not the kind of guy I was looking forward to spending a long time with. But, he kind of wound himself around my heart and kept a firm hold. Now, he is the only type I want. And by type...I strictly just mean him.
  5 months doesn't seem like a long time. In the grand scheme of things it isn't. It is quite short, but for some reason I was never able to make it to this point in any relationship. And thankfully so. The other night, while playing poker with each other (he beat me of course) we began to talk about if the people we were with didn't end up they way they did we would still be with them. My question to him was, "Would he still want to be with them?"
  I thought about this particular question the other day driving home. If...any one of my exes were to not have cheated or disentangled themselves from our relationship, would I still "want" to be with them. It took me 3 seconds to say no. No. Because they aren't him. I couldn't see any of them taking care of me the way white boy does. I couldn't see me wanting to hold them the way my arms long to hold him. I couldn't see my lips ache for them as mine do for him. I just can't see it.
  I could ramble and ramble about sappy relationshipy things, but that's not the point. The point...is that I have found someone that not only do I want to be with but someone who wants to be with me. So refreshing.
  Happy 5 months babe...I am crazy weird, disturbingly blunt, decidedly independent, and madly in love with you. Here's to many many a more.

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