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Hormonal imbalance

  On evenings like these: when the hormones are imbalanced and the mood swings like a pendulum, I am reminded that I am not the sole reason I have a solid relationship. I still find it hard that things can be peachy one moment, and without fair warning not okay the next.
  "What's wrong, love?" "I am just feeling blah." I cut the evening short with him; however, it was absolutely nothing he did. It was just necessary. I couldn't sit there and pretend that I was in a good mood to spend time with him. I was irritable and needed to see the road.
  So, I took a drive. I do realize that once married I may need a drive but the car will find its way back to his driveway instead of my own. I still may need the drive, and I am okay with that. It's a coping mechanism that helps. The problem is that I feel bad that he is left in the dirt.
  "Are you home safely, love?" "Almost." "Oh, okay." Oddly enough, he doesn't feel left in the dirt. I spoke to him a bit more to let him know that sometimes the hormones do get imbalanced, and I can't change them. He understands. He always understands. He knows me well enough by now that sometimes I just need me time. A few moments of me is enough to recharge.
  Lately, I have spent a great deal evaluating my relationship with J. I think of times it has been hard in the past and how easy they are now with him. Like tonight...it once ruined a relationship. Hormones left unattended and unexplained can cause damage. With no fault of any one person. But with him things are different. Things are always different. As I get ready to close my eyes, I wish him goodnight. His last words: "Goodnight, love of my life." See...I am not the sole reason for this solid relationship. God's gift, white boy, is. We are. Together. When I can't, he does. When he can't, I will try.

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