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It's the underlying peace...

For some reason, dating my first boyfriend was hard. I was 21; he was 18. We were together for maybe 2 months. I am even reluctant to call him my boyfriend. Classic story of he wanted me; I was bored...voila. And not too long before I broke it off, I found myself in the sacristy talking to my then pastor. I was confused and hurt. I honestly can't even remember why. But he changed me that day.
  He told me this: when he was discerning the priesthood two weeks prior to ordination, he struggled. He struggled so much he was beginning to believe his choice of vocation was wrong. His spiritual director at the time told him to pray. He told him to spend one solid week praying as though he was going to leave formation. Leaning all prayer toward that thought. Then, he told him to pray the next solid week as though he was going to stay and become the priest that he believed, at one point, he was supposed to be.
  And as he prayed, he struggled. His mind wanted to wander and his desire wanted to rest, but he kept on. And at the end of the two weeks, he went back to his spiritual director and told him of his experience. He told him that surface-level...nothing changed. However, it was the underlying peace that he felt when he was praying that led him to continue to the priesthood formation. The turbulence on the surface was and will always be present, but the peace "that passes understanding" will always prevail.
  I am learning that adult decision making is hard, and the thought of having to make those for someone besides myself is even harder. But I do believe there is peace if sought. My mind is a great explorer. It wanders on its own accord and runs rampant with grandiose ideas or morbid thoughts. It needs to be taken control of.
  I need to seek peace. Life is good. Life is blessed. But, maybe life should be going in a different direction and I am just, on the surface, trying to avoid that change of direction. I don't know. I plan to seek counsel, especially in the Great Counselor. Friends, please pray for me. If you have moment to spare, pray for peace and direction. Thank you...be blessed, friends as I am blessed.

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