"Getting older's not been on my plans"

  Lately, I have seen countless memes about that one guy. You know, the one who opens doors, plans the special date, wants to spend time with you more than his friends, texts back immediately, would rather see you on your ugly day than any other girl on her best. That guy...   Following these memes, I have seen girls say, "They don't exist." Tumblr and FaceBook are full of these. A few weeks back, I took a look back on my Tumblr and saw them on my own page. I have periods of feelings, and my Tumblr is a much better representation of those periods. I have some that evoke female power, some that express my depression concerning the passing of my brother, others that express my sadness with guys and their complete inability to measure up to what I thought they should, and some that are just representations of my existential mind.   I think I always knew this "guy" existed. I was always pretty sure that those of us who didn't think they did were wrong. I suppo...

  I read a story of a young girl around 12 who like most preteen girls are full of life, vivacity, and unabridged emotions. It was interesting reading what she had to say in her oh so woe-is-me voice. She spoke of her mother and sister who didn't often understand her. She spoke of her father, the man she most identified with. She spoke of some friends of the family who came to live with them. She spoke of her life as though she had no care in the world. She spoke like she had lived long enough to understand the world.   Ha! What does a 12 year old know of life? I have lived more than double that time, and I am still trying to figure out life. So often I read on social media people ranting and raving of being misunderstood. We get it okay...you are a soul who no one would get because you have lived and experienced as no one else has. Right? How come we make it our pain against someone else's? How is it that we spend more time trying to measure our differences than our similari...

  Recently, I have been thinking about this quote, "If your are not losing friends, then you aren't growing up." I have lost several friends as an adult. Some I thought would be around forever. I have gained some new ones that I wouldn't change for the old ones. And I have some friends that are just indelible marks on my heart; therefore, will never go away (for the good.)   But recently I have been thinking about the ones that are gone. One in particular. She happens to be the first friend I made when my family and I moved to Tulsa. I knew no one. I was the new kid at school. I had moved from a very very small school to a much larger school with the already slight inability to make friends easily. But, she accepted me.   After high school, we stayed in touch missing several beats when she went to law school and when she moved out of state...we just seemed to grow closer. We texted all the time. In fact, she was usually my good morning or good night text. Then one d...

  Gram,     It sucks. Just so you know being this far away from you sucks. Normally, when you are on the mountain and I am here, it is okay. It is passable. But when you are ill as you are, it is much harder to stomach. I feel like there is so much to say to you, and yet for the first time in our 30 year relationship I am at a loss for words.   I know lately you can barely talk. I know that even breathing is difficult, I just wish I could wrap my arms around you. How much more amazing would it be if we could just lace up our capes and go flying? How much more amazing would it be if we could soar over it all holding each other's hands for support like we have for many years now?   Can I just say that I am truly honored to be your sidekick? It's funny who God decides should be in our lives. Granted, we didn't have a choice but I'm pretty sure we wouldn't have changed if given the choice. I know I wouldn't change being your granddaughter for the world.   I...

  Three days after Christmas we are inundated with Valentine. It is has become an obligation for one lover to show the object of their affection just how much they care. Hallmark, Russell Stovers, and florists every where are selling their wares and perhaps greedily cackling with mirth.   But that is so far from what Valentine's day is all about. I could give some sort of history lesson on St. Valentine, bishop and martyr; however, what good is that? It isn't. But I have seen, in the last several days, how different people see this holiday.   Those who are in committed relationships usually scramble for a gift, men especially. Those who are not in a relationship are usually hating the fact that they are single by calling out the industry as a mass market of money laundering tycoons, or embracing the holiday as just that...a holiday. But, for whatever the sentiment toward this holiday, I have one myself...   Love. Just love. Not just the kind we feel when our stoma...

  I had this idea that I would be the perfect girlfriend. Ha! That was before, when I thought I didn't act like other girls or women. Yeah... I am definitely a woman, and I definitely embrace it.   I had this idea that the first guy I was ever involved with would be the only. Ha! That was before, when I thought I was the exception not the rule. Yeah... I definitely did not end up with the first or the second or the third or when I went back to the first.   Today marks the longest relationship I have been in. In 30 years, I have made it 5 months. Call it sad. Call it tragic. Call it what you will. To my defense, I only started dating when I was 27. I did not see myself as attractive, sexually appealing, or interesting to the opposite sex.   But this post isn't about me. Or the exes. It's about white boy and acceptance. I will admit to anyone that he is/was not my type. He is/was not the kind of guy I was looking forward to spending a long time with. But, he kind of...

  It took me 3 seconds to raise my hand when asked if someone wanted a miniature schnauzer puppy. I did. Pick me... I heard she was selective on who she would give the last litter her little Coconut bore. I was hoping to be the lucky one. My parents and I were both lucky.   It's been a running joke from the moment I picked up Dutch and Baron from my dear friend's house, that her mom was now my dog's grandma. People are weird about animals. And you never enter into the weirdness until the animal weaves their way into your heart.   I walked into her hospital room as she sat there looking better than I imagined her to be. There, propped up against the pillow, sat a woman with a wound vac covering her upper thigh. Her 1 ton bull just happened to run her over crushing her leg. I still remember the pictures. I still remember her story. It was as though she had just fallen down instead of nearly being trampled to death. She chuckled and told me she would teach it a lesson by t...