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A lot of change...a little fear

   *sigh* Okay, I think I am ready. I think my heart has reset and slowed down just a bit even though it knows that things are not going to be the same for the next month. My best friend and part of her family left for England/Paris today. So, where does that leave the other part? With me =) I have procured 2 kids, 2 dogs, 2 cats, a house, and some fish. Damn... I think I might be a little over my head.
    But, with help, I won't be doing it alone. There must be something said for someone who is willing to hang out with you everyday. Call it relationship building, or call it what you want, it doesn't matter. What matters is that since I have since procured said large estate for the next 10 days, I don't have to worry, from his mouth, that I will be left to my own devices. It is odd really. I believe that if I were still with brown boy I wouldn't see him for 10 days, but that could just be an assumption, albeit a legitimate one.
     However, this time, I am not alone. I realize that from today until the middle of April, he and I will no longer have time just by ourselves. It will be us and the kids, then just me, then us and his parents. Wait...not freaked about meeting a friend's parents. Nope. Not at all! Well, to be honest, I have met them before, so it is a little bit unbothersome, but...it is still a change from our normal routine.
     I think that is the whole point: it is change from our normal routine. It is just a change. I have nothing to fear. Right? Yes. That is correct. Nothing to fear. I think sometimes I feel that as everything goes well in my life (with whomever) I have to maintain a certain balance of normalacy and constancy...but that isn't real life. Real life gets thrown around and shuffled and fucked up and banged around and sometimes downright indistinguishable from a pile of shit. So, to think that I could keep some sort of normalcy in anything is a joke on me.
     I am just thankful for those people in my life who recognize where my path is and where my time and energy is going. It is a means for me to expand myself and my heart to allow people and experiences to take me where they wish. I am blessed, and I am grateful.
    If you think of me in the next month, please send a prayer to our gracious Father. I need prayers...always prayers. Be blessed friends. Be blessed.

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