It's times like these...

When I have had a bit too much, when I think, "I would like someone who tells me what he told me: you are beautiful." Or, maybe I would like someone who tells me I want to be with you. I have learned that the reassurances that come with commitment are comforting.
But, lately I have had to reassure myself. And, it is hard. There is something almost magical that I miss when I think about what I had and where I am now. But, I must say that I am happy. I have no complaints. I am good.
But life comes with obstacles. Life comes with telling someone you don't want something like marriage and a family to reassure them, when you thought that you had come to the realization that you wanted it. But, maybe you don't.
I think I say things sometimes so that I don't get hurt. I think I say things so that I am not obligated to deal with responsibility. I am a fragile person. I am almost like porcelain. But, I also believe that I have been hurt enough to have a tough outer shell...so where is that person that tells me I am beautiful and that they can't be without me?
They cheated. They gave me a part of their heart and gave the rest to someone else. I don't believe I am meant to be with someone like that, well, aside from the reassurances that I am enough. There are people in this world who come in our lives for a time and a reason. I suppose I am trying to find out if that time is over and I don't need it anymore.
My brother always told me that I was enough and that I was beautiful. So, when I heard that from someone who wasn't him, I clung tight...I still do believe that I like that. I still might believe I deserve that. But, who is to say.
I know what I have. I know what I want. Are they to be found in one person? God, I hope so.

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