I have been in a negative mood for the last two days, and I can't seem to figure out why. I think I might have an idea though. Yesterday, I was contacted by every boy I have ever dated. Okay, not that it has been more than 2, but still. First, a little after midnight I was messaged by the ex. It was a response to a text (response) I had sent him 5 days previously. Then, yesterday, I was contacted by Z, the other one about a concert that he was inviting me to.
Now, I have been in contact with these men in the past; it is nothing new. But, I wonder if being in contact with them has caused me subconsciously to alter my mood. I wonder if, even though I haven't had too much outward negative response to them, if in someway it has affected me. What else could it be? I am not menstruating, and I am not ovulating. I did recently quit smoking, but it was over a week ago, and the cravings are few and pretty far between.
The sad part...is that it isn't these men who are affected by my bad mood. It is him. He gets all the negativity, and it makes me want to lash out at him. I have felt so distant from him for the last two days, that it makes me want to scream. Not that I am upset we aren't physically seeing each other. In fact, hanging with the bestie last night was nice. I could voice myself and tear up and not feel ridiculous. (Not that I do with him.)
God, I sound like a vulnerable twit! I bet if I were sitting in the therapist's chair I wouldn't even know what to say. I would just find random noise making and screaming more beneficial than actually talking about the way I feel. It saddens me that I am making someone else (and frankly everyone I come in contact with) deal with this mood. I suppose I should just choose to feel a different way.
Ugh...yeah yeah. I suppose. I don't wanna. I mean, I want to feel differently, but I don't particularly want to put in the effort. Ha! Boy, I am a piece of work! If I were reading this from the outside, I would call me a pathetic drama queen. Maybe that is what I am. Maybe at this moment I am okay with that.
If I get up enough courage to tell him what has been bothering me the last 2 days, and then apologize for it, then I have grown exponentially. If not...perhaps he doesn't notice. Let's go with that. Meaning, if he brings it up, then we will deal with it. If he doesn't, I don't need to.
Now, I have been in contact with these men in the past; it is nothing new. But, I wonder if being in contact with them has caused me subconsciously to alter my mood. I wonder if, even though I haven't had too much outward negative response to them, if in someway it has affected me. What else could it be? I am not menstruating, and I am not ovulating. I did recently quit smoking, but it was over a week ago, and the cravings are few and pretty far between.
The sad part...is that it isn't these men who are affected by my bad mood. It is him. He gets all the negativity, and it makes me want to lash out at him. I have felt so distant from him for the last two days, that it makes me want to scream. Not that I am upset we aren't physically seeing each other. In fact, hanging with the bestie last night was nice. I could voice myself and tear up and not feel ridiculous. (Not that I do with him.)
God, I sound like a vulnerable twit! I bet if I were sitting in the therapist's chair I wouldn't even know what to say. I would just find random noise making and screaming more beneficial than actually talking about the way I feel. It saddens me that I am making someone else (and frankly everyone I come in contact with) deal with this mood. I suppose I should just choose to feel a different way.
Ugh...yeah yeah. I suppose. I don't wanna. I mean, I want to feel differently, but I don't particularly want to put in the effort. Ha! Boy, I am a piece of work! If I were reading this from the outside, I would call me a pathetic drama queen. Maybe that is what I am. Maybe at this moment I am okay with that.
If I get up enough courage to tell him what has been bothering me the last 2 days, and then apologize for it, then I have grown exponentially. If not...perhaps he doesn't notice. Let's go with that. Meaning, if he brings it up, then we will deal with it. If he doesn't, I don't need to.
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