I was sitting with a friend, a few weeks back, and they started the conversation like this: "I have never told any one this but..." In that moment, I became not just a secret keeper, but a burden bearer. We have all had this happen to us. We have all done this to others. But why? Is it because we demand community as humans? Is it because we long for intimacy and give someone the ability to delve into the deepest part of ourselves? Is it because the weight of that secret is just too much to bear?
I don't know. As the weeks have past, I have thought about that particular secret that was held so tightly in their heart and was finally given air to breathe. I have thought about the fact that it is no longer a secret but my burden to bear. Sometimes, if I let it get to me...it starts to get heavy.
It reminds me of the time my brother found out the name of my father's ex-wife. For 6 years, my father was married to a woman named Shirley. It wasn't something that was kept hidden for a reason, it just was never mentioned. One particular instance, my mother and father were bantering and my father said, "Surely, you don't mean that." My mom, jokingly replied, "Don't call me Shirley." Shortly after that it was revealed to my brother and me that his ex-wife was named Shirley. I thought Andy was going to have a conniption! He demanded to never hear her name again. It was a shot through his world. To me, it was just a fact. Years later, he had stricken that from his mind, and he was shocked (no where near as bad) to learn her name again. I never forgot.
To me, secrets are sacred. They aren't exactly meant to be held alone or given to everyone. I have secrets that I tell only certain people. I tell secrets to people who I know won't consider it a burden. I give my secrets to secret keepers that will give me no judgement in return. I am very selective. For the simple fact that if I had been given the opportunity to not hear the secret from my friend...I would have chosen not to.
As a single person, it is a given that when someone confides in me...I keep it. Is this always true? No. Not always. There are secrets that people have asked me to keep from everyone. I don't. It really isn't healthy. But, I would never give something to someone to help me bear if I knew that it could be used or given back to the person who's secret it is. Since most of my friends are married, I automatically assume that when I tell my girlfriend a secret she will tell her husband. I have no problem with this. In fact, I encourage it. I wouldn't tell them if it bothered me that their significant other knew. No one should bear the burden alone. No one!
The point? To know that a secret given to another is a burden they must bear. The burden may be light and go unnoticed; however, it might be something that haunts. It is smart to make the right choice, in persons, when telling your soul's secrets. Yes, we should be our brother's keeper. But, we shouldn't force them to be in torment because we can't handle a darkness in ourselves.
I don't know. As the weeks have past, I have thought about that particular secret that was held so tightly in their heart and was finally given air to breathe. I have thought about the fact that it is no longer a secret but my burden to bear. Sometimes, if I let it get to me...it starts to get heavy.
It reminds me of the time my brother found out the name of my father's ex-wife. For 6 years, my father was married to a woman named Shirley. It wasn't something that was kept hidden for a reason, it just was never mentioned. One particular instance, my mother and father were bantering and my father said, "Surely, you don't mean that." My mom, jokingly replied, "Don't call me Shirley." Shortly after that it was revealed to my brother and me that his ex-wife was named Shirley. I thought Andy was going to have a conniption! He demanded to never hear her name again. It was a shot through his world. To me, it was just a fact. Years later, he had stricken that from his mind, and he was shocked (no where near as bad) to learn her name again. I never forgot.
To me, secrets are sacred. They aren't exactly meant to be held alone or given to everyone. I have secrets that I tell only certain people. I tell secrets to people who I know won't consider it a burden. I give my secrets to secret keepers that will give me no judgement in return. I am very selective. For the simple fact that if I had been given the opportunity to not hear the secret from my friend...I would have chosen not to.
As a single person, it is a given that when someone confides in me...I keep it. Is this always true? No. Not always. There are secrets that people have asked me to keep from everyone. I don't. It really isn't healthy. But, I would never give something to someone to help me bear if I knew that it could be used or given back to the person who's secret it is. Since most of my friends are married, I automatically assume that when I tell my girlfriend a secret she will tell her husband. I have no problem with this. In fact, I encourage it. I wouldn't tell them if it bothered me that their significant other knew. No one should bear the burden alone. No one!
The point? To know that a secret given to another is a burden they must bear. The burden may be light and go unnoticed; however, it might be something that haunts. It is smart to make the right choice, in persons, when telling your soul's secrets. Yes, we should be our brother's keeper. But, we shouldn't force them to be in torment because we can't handle a darkness in ourselves.
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