Never has freedom been explicitly defined. It is one of those things that comes to us in a moment and leaves us feeling light and unfettered. But, what does it mean? I am not one to believe that things in life are subjective, but those things that I can't hold to a moral bound I can label subjective. This is one of them.
I follow this kid on Tumblr. In 2005, he decided to ask one question, "What does freedom mean to you." Since then and still he has collected responses from presidents, actors, athletes, and what the rest of us consider ourselves: the ordinary. And, when I read one of these cards, I try to ask myself that question but get stuck.
This week a friend, on FaceBook, posted this quote, "The only way humans have ever figured out of getting somewhere is to leave something behind." Instantly, this quote struck me. I can't stop thinking about it. But, I haven't been thinking about it in a physical sense, but more in a sense of personal direction. I don't see myself leaving Tulsa any time soon...if ever. But, what about those things I have been clinging to for comfort?
Some moments I feel so close to flying, and some moments I feel the weight of the world. Where is my heart, mind, soul, and body? Are they free? Am I free? If not...what is holding me back? In my last post, I mentioned a boy. Hasn't it been about a boy for the last long while? Yes, but shouldn't it be? If I am coming closer to the idea of the vocation of marriage, isn't part of my vocation finding that boy?
The scary part: this one likes me more than I do him. He even knows it; has even admitted it. I don't find this a bad thing. In fact, I find it very refreshing. I find it scary as hell but nice. In the past, I was the pursuer. But, with him he calls me the fish and himself the fisherman. This is all new territory for me.
So is the freedom in the leaving behind of something to find the somewhere else? And, is that somewhere in the heart of someone else? Ugh! My heart has been hurt, and with the slight wall I have constructed around it, this one scares me. My forever isn't to be given to just anyone.
I have begun to scare myself thinking so long and hard about "dating" this one. I scare myself because I am in that place in my life where I am looking for the forever...and so is this one. Time will tell. The fisherman says he is going to keep fishing for the fish. I told him there were millions of fish in the sea; he says he only wants one.
The question isn't whether I am ready for freedom. The real question is if I am ready to leave behind something to gain that freedom. What's to leave behind? "Will he ever come to his senses and love me like I loved him," my heart says. "Silly, girl," my head responds, "If you have to wait, you will be waiting forever." Oh the conversations of those two. Perhaps the heart and head will sprout wings, flap in tandem, and help me fly...if only to find my freedom.
I follow this kid on Tumblr. In 2005, he decided to ask one question, "What does freedom mean to you." Since then and still he has collected responses from presidents, actors, athletes, and what the rest of us consider ourselves: the ordinary. And, when I read one of these cards, I try to ask myself that question but get stuck.
This week a friend, on FaceBook, posted this quote, "The only way humans have ever figured out of getting somewhere is to leave something behind." Instantly, this quote struck me. I can't stop thinking about it. But, I haven't been thinking about it in a physical sense, but more in a sense of personal direction. I don't see myself leaving Tulsa any time soon...if ever. But, what about those things I have been clinging to for comfort?
Some moments I feel so close to flying, and some moments I feel the weight of the world. Where is my heart, mind, soul, and body? Are they free? Am I free? If not...what is holding me back? In my last post, I mentioned a boy. Hasn't it been about a boy for the last long while? Yes, but shouldn't it be? If I am coming closer to the idea of the vocation of marriage, isn't part of my vocation finding that boy?
The scary part: this one likes me more than I do him. He even knows it; has even admitted it. I don't find this a bad thing. In fact, I find it very refreshing. I find it scary as hell but nice. In the past, I was the pursuer. But, with him he calls me the fish and himself the fisherman. This is all new territory for me.
So is the freedom in the leaving behind of something to find the somewhere else? And, is that somewhere in the heart of someone else? Ugh! My heart has been hurt, and with the slight wall I have constructed around it, this one scares me. My forever isn't to be given to just anyone.
I have begun to scare myself thinking so long and hard about "dating" this one. I scare myself because I am in that place in my life where I am looking for the forever...and so is this one. Time will tell. The fisherman says he is going to keep fishing for the fish. I told him there were millions of fish in the sea; he says he only wants one.
The question isn't whether I am ready for freedom. The real question is if I am ready to leave behind something to gain that freedom. What's to leave behind? "Will he ever come to his senses and love me like I loved him," my heart says. "Silly, girl," my head responds, "If you have to wait, you will be waiting forever." Oh the conversations of those two. Perhaps the heart and head will sprout wings, flap in tandem, and help me fly...if only to find my freedom.
Comments
Post a Comment