"Getting older's not been on my plans"

  Gram,     It sucks. Just so you know being this far away from you sucks. Normally, when you are on the mountain and I am here, it is okay. It is passable. But when you are ill as you are, it is much harder to stomach. I feel like there is so much to say to you, and yet for the first time in our 30 year relationship I am at a loss for words.   I know lately you can barely talk. I know that even breathing is difficult, I just wish I could wrap my arms around you. How much more amazing would it be if we could just lace up our capes and go flying? How much more amazing would it be if we could soar over it all holding each other's hands for support like we have for many years now?   Can I just say that I am truly honored to be your sidekick? It's funny who God decides should be in our lives. Granted, we didn't have a choice but I'm pretty sure we wouldn't have changed if given the choice. I know I wouldn't change being your granddaughter for the world.   I...

  Three days after Christmas we are inundated with Valentine. It is has become an obligation for one lover to show the object of their affection just how much they care. Hallmark, Russell Stovers, and florists every where are selling their wares and perhaps greedily cackling with mirth.   But that is so far from what Valentine's day is all about. I could give some sort of history lesson on St. Valentine, bishop and martyr; however, what good is that? It isn't. But I have seen, in the last several days, how different people see this holiday.   Those who are in committed relationships usually scramble for a gift, men especially. Those who are not in a relationship are usually hating the fact that they are single by calling out the industry as a mass market of money laundering tycoons, or embracing the holiday as just that...a holiday. But, for whatever the sentiment toward this holiday, I have one myself...   Love. Just love. Not just the kind we feel when our stoma...

  I had this idea that I would be the perfect girlfriend. Ha! That was before, when I thought I didn't act like other girls or women. Yeah... I am definitely a woman, and I definitely embrace it.   I had this idea that the first guy I was ever involved with would be the only. Ha! That was before, when I thought I was the exception not the rule. Yeah... I definitely did not end up with the first or the second or the third or when I went back to the first.   Today marks the longest relationship I have been in. In 30 years, I have made it 5 months. Call it sad. Call it tragic. Call it what you will. To my defense, I only started dating when I was 27. I did not see myself as attractive, sexually appealing, or interesting to the opposite sex.   But this post isn't about me. Or the exes. It's about white boy and acceptance. I will admit to anyone that he is/was not my type. He is/was not the kind of guy I was looking forward to spending a long time with. But, he kind of...

  It took me 3 seconds to raise my hand when asked if someone wanted a miniature schnauzer puppy. I did. Pick me... I heard she was selective on who she would give the last litter her little Coconut bore. I was hoping to be the lucky one. My parents and I were both lucky.   It's been a running joke from the moment I picked up Dutch and Baron from my dear friend's house, that her mom was now my dog's grandma. People are weird about animals. And you never enter into the weirdness until the animal weaves their way into your heart.   I walked into her hospital room as she sat there looking better than I imagined her to be. There, propped up against the pillow, sat a woman with a wound vac covering her upper thigh. Her 1 ton bull just happened to run her over crushing her leg. I still remember the pictures. I still remember her story. It was as though she had just fallen down instead of nearly being trampled to death. She chuckled and told me she would teach it a lesson by t...

  I am at a loss. For awhile now, I have wanted to write words that divine inspiration or inspire emotion. For awhile now, I have wanted to forge tales of hope that vanquished evil. For awhile now, I have wanted to put into words what my day to day routine has consisted of...but I don't know what to say.   Work has taught me that drowning for a paycheck is acceptable. Home has taught me that parents are more than willing to overlook flaws. Love has taught me that moodiness is acceptable and embraced. Friendship has taught me that people do gravitate toward goodness and sometimes disregard negativity. Life has taught me that I am quite resilient.   I have thought often about what to write here. But my constant thought is, "But what do I write about when all is okay and peaceful in one area and torrential in another?" For what inspiration is there in that? I think I have forgotten that I write for my own sanity. I think I have forgotten that to write for myself is my life...

 In 1968, Laurence Peter published the idea of the "Peter Principle." A term that most are aware of, but most don't equate to themselves. Laurence claims that, "In a hierarchy every employee tends to rise to his level of incompetence." He goes on to say that every position is then filled with incompetent people, and that the works is thus completed by those who are still competent.   What happens when you realize you are literally being sky rocketed to that position? First of all...I am the worst at follow through. The worst. I work well under pressure, and I work best by procrastinating. However, if things are too hard...I don't have a problem walking. I have lots of unfinished projects. But, when my lively hood depends on not walking, what then?   I found out long ago, that if you walk away from something it is harder to fail. You cease to have the ability to fail. You have to have something you are working on to fail. Walking eliminates that chance. I c...

  He started working nights. It was something we talked extensively about before he accepted the promotion. At first, I thought that it didn't matter what I had to say. If he wanted to take more pay and work graveyard, then what part do I play in that. He said I was the biggest part of his life and to ruin that would not be worth it. That was a little over a month ago.   I started working more over time. It was something I knew was going to happen just to stay a float in my job. Not to mention I would wake up long before the sun made its appearance just to see white boy for a few blessed moments. Work began to pile, and sleep became more scarce. That was a little over a month ago.   The problem is that for days on end all I saw of him was a few blessed moments. In the cracks between those moments, ambivalence took root. It began to grow profusely and I began to get strangled in its vines. My feelings became questionable. My words became biting. My actions became hurtful...