I look at myself, a lot. I think it has something to do with the fact that I didn't think myself attractive for a long time. Now, I can look at myself even when someone else is in the bathroom. Before, I entered with head bowed and left the same. There are times when I look at myself 3 times before I leave. Most of the time, I focus on one aspect of myself: my eyes, my hair, my waist line, my clothes...something. I can see how this seems egotistical, but perhaps I am making up for lost mirror time.
However, I can only remember one time that I actually looked into the mirror to see something deeper than my outward appearance. And it scared me. I honestly didn't think it was possible to look into the mirror and truly see oneself. It always seemed so cliché. Until I did it.
That was 4 months ago. The moment I decided to walk away from a "relationship" that was nothing more than a confusing drag. It held me bound and clipped the wings I knew God had given me to fly. It caused more pain than gain, and I had finally refused to live that life any longer. That was 4 months ago.
Now, I have a human mirror. White boy. And it scares me. 4 months ago, when I looked at myself, truly, I saw the real me. When I look into his crystal clear blue eyes I wonder if the person staring back at me is my true self or the one he sees. And, if they are so different that I am 2 people.
You should hear the description of me when it is said in his voice. You would think I was God's gift to the earth. You would think I was flawless. You would think I had no discrepancies. I know that this is not true. I know that this is a mere reflection of me in him. All I wonder is if it could be remotely true. Could I be somewhat of a gift to earth? Could I be somewhat flawless? Could I be somewhat pure? Could his true heart, the one that sees me that way, be a glimpse of what is inside me?
I don't know. All I know, is this: that if the reflection I see in his eyes is even remotely true or ever could be then it is worth looking at everyday just to know that I can be something incredible. I like the reflection I see in his beautiful eyes. Makes me want to stick around for a long while to find out what else I can find staring back at me. Here's to the long haul... *cheers*
However, I can only remember one time that I actually looked into the mirror to see something deeper than my outward appearance. And it scared me. I honestly didn't think it was possible to look into the mirror and truly see oneself. It always seemed so cliché. Until I did it.
That was 4 months ago. The moment I decided to walk away from a "relationship" that was nothing more than a confusing drag. It held me bound and clipped the wings I knew God had given me to fly. It caused more pain than gain, and I had finally refused to live that life any longer. That was 4 months ago.
Now, I have a human mirror. White boy. And it scares me. 4 months ago, when I looked at myself, truly, I saw the real me. When I look into his crystal clear blue eyes I wonder if the person staring back at me is my true self or the one he sees. And, if they are so different that I am 2 people.
You should hear the description of me when it is said in his voice. You would think I was God's gift to the earth. You would think I was flawless. You would think I had no discrepancies. I know that this is not true. I know that this is a mere reflection of me in him. All I wonder is if it could be remotely true. Could I be somewhat of a gift to earth? Could I be somewhat flawless? Could I be somewhat pure? Could his true heart, the one that sees me that way, be a glimpse of what is inside me?
I don't know. All I know, is this: that if the reflection I see in his eyes is even remotely true or ever could be then it is worth looking at everyday just to know that I can be something incredible. I like the reflection I see in his beautiful eyes. Makes me want to stick around for a long while to find out what else I can find staring back at me. Here's to the long haul... *cheers*
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