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I get it now

   I think I finally understand. I think I am finally able to see what has been right in front of me the whole time. See, you were never mine to keep. You have only been on loan. And, to combat the fear of losing oneself, you protected yourself.
   I think that's what I couldn't understand. In my head, I felt as though I was on the playground playing make belief. You were the husband, I was the wife...kids on the way. But it can't be that can it? In theory, I saw you as an escape. You still are. I have a love for you that I cherish. In theory, I saw our fate. But I just wanted to be there on that playground pretending it wasn't reality.
    I must ask you to forgive me. I admit that in my hurt I acted as I shouldn't...out of anger and fear. I fear no longer. I have found peace. I have found truth. And for my actions, I am truly sorry. I do hope that you can forgive me for berating your heart's shield. Do you see it as such? You're smart. So, I believe so.
    What to do now? Wait. Wait for the peace of God to engulf you as it has me. Allow the truth of us to be shown. Allow us to be humans living in a very real world. You told me once you couldn't give me your whole heart; I understood. I understood, but I forgot. For that, I am truly sorry. I embrace the honesty and love I see in you. I give forth the truth and love I have in me.
    My written words have always been a means for me to express what is truly in my heart. Sometimes my mouth gets the better of me. When you look in the mirror, do you see what I do? Do you see the man who is good? Do you see a flawed human who tries hard to embrace the world in which he lives? Because that's what I see.
    I get it now. I get us now. I have loved us then...I love us now. It was always suppose to hurt. I was always meant to hurt you, as you were always meant to hurt me. Because in the end the rainbow still exists. But that doesn't mean I have to watch the back of your head right now as you walk away. I much prefer your face.

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