Skip to main content

It is what it is

    Although I find myself saying this often, it doesn't mean I like it. At the end of the day, when all you can say is, "It is what it is," it almost seems as if you  (one/me) is copping out of the grander explanation. There aren't always times when we can give a definitive answer to something, but just to always comment "it is what it is" doesn't make things better.
    I understand that things are as they are. For whatever reason, they are...but I still feel sometimes as though those things can change. My problem: I assume it can all change...not just me. How wrong I really am. I can change no one but myself. I can change no situation but the one I am in. I am in charge of only one change...my own.
    So, why is it so difficult? Why can't I see the world for what it is and except it? Because! I want things the way I want them. And I don't want it any other way. I want them to stay that way forever.
     Uh oh...I just vomited pride all over the place. If I could put an emoji of a downcast face this would be the perfect place.
     Wanna know a secret? I realize how powerless I am, and I still can't figure out how to deal.
     It is what it is. It is what it is. It is what it is. It is what it is. It is what it is. It is what it is. It is what it is. It is what it is. It is what it is.
     Maybe if I repeat this mantra I will be able to bury it in my heart. The brain says, "GET IT ALREADY!" The heart whispers, "I'm trying." And I am...trying. It is just going to take some time. Time I have apparently. I mean I don’t see God taking me home at the moment. If we are all here to learn and grow, and I do believe that we are, then I have time.
     I need patience though. The heart is strong. The heart has been pierced, but it is resilient. It loves like a child, and gets hurt as one too. It battles with the adult logical brain and seems to win out every time. Perhaps it is a me thing. Perhaps it is a human thing. Perhaps it is both.
     It is what it is...I want to change that. "It will be what God plans it to be." I think I can handle that reality a bit better. I know that I am destined. For greatness? Perhaps...but perhaps for just a moment in time. However, I know that whatever "it" is is not something I fully wrap my mind around. For now, I will stick to just repeating, "I am here...I am alive...I am blessed."
     The Jesus prayer helps too: Jesus Christ, Son of the living God, have mercy on me a sinner... it is what it is... Jesus Christ, Son of the living God, have mercy on me a sinner... it is what it is... Jesus Christ, Son of the living God, have mercy on me a sinner... it is what--

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Beneath the Weeping Willow

  "The willow submits to the wind and prospers until one day it is many willows—a wall against the wind. This is the willow's purpose." —  Frank Herbert, Dune   Time, although a very evasive concept, is in each moment a gift. And most often, I don't stop to look back at the road I have traveled on. Even more so, the road Justin and I have travelled together. But today it is warranted. Today marks 9 years as husband and wife, and 9 years of truly some amazing and adverse moments. We have lost the most cherished and birthed the most loved all the while interwoven with each other.    I will be the first to admit that our day to day appears to some: mundane. However, inside the ordinary he and I together have understood the profundity of love. It is brash and loud, but it is also cautious and quiet.  "Love is a many splendored thing."  It is the true basis of community, and I am proud of the community we have built.   The  willow  is the t...
Post a Comment
Read more

A human mirror

  I look at myself, a lot. I think it has something to do with the fact that I didn't think myself attractive for a long time. Now, I can look at myself even when someone else is in the bathroom. Before, I entered with head bowed and left the same. There are times when I look at myself 3 times before I leave. Most of the time, I focus on one aspect of myself: my eyes, my hair, my waist line, my clothes...something. I can see how this seems egotistical, but perhaps I am making up for lost mirror time.   However, I can only remember one time that I actually looked into the mirror to see something deeper than my outward appearance. And it scared me. I honestly didn't think it was possible to look into the mirror and truly see oneself. It always seemed so cliché. Until I did it.   That was 4 months ago. The moment I decided to walk away from a "relationship" that was nothing more than a confusing drag. It held me bound and clipped the wings I knew God had given me to f...
Post a Comment
Read more

It's the underlying peace...

For some reason, dating my first boyfriend was hard. I was 21; he was 18. We were together for maybe 2 months. I am even reluctant to call him my boyfriend. Classic story of he wanted me; I was bored...voila. And not too long before I broke it off, I found myself in the sacristy talking to my then pastor. I was confused and hurt. I honestly can't even remember why. But he changed me that day.   He told me this: when he was discerning the priesthood two weeks prior to ordination, he struggled. He struggled so much he was beginning to believe his choice of vocation was wrong. His spiritual director at the time told him to pray. He told him to spend one solid week praying as though he was going to leave formation. Leaning all prayer toward that thought. Then, he told him to pray the next solid week as though he was going to stay and become the priest that he believed, at one point, he was supposed to be.   And as he prayed, he struggled. His mind wanted to wander and his desire...
Post a Comment
Read more