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The game

    I have to admit that I haven't had this rough of a week in a very long time. I have been to the heights of gladness to the depths of despair...and for what?
    Sometimes I wonder if what we are taught as kids is something we really understand as adults. I just spent the evening with a co-worker who was battling with relationship issues...and here I sat: a 29 year old girl with issues of her own listening to a 45 year old woman talk about the same thing. 
    What?! So...what conclusion did I come to? People are all the same. Men are men...no matter the age--as are women. I can't speak for a man, but as a woman i realize we all battle the same thing: love, acceptance, stability, security, and honesty. As I sat there and listened to this lady speak of her hardships I couldn't help but understand her feelings. Yet, at the same time, I couldn't help but put myself in her lovers place. 
    I came to this conclusion: we are all wanting to be loved. We are all wanting to be accepted...but sometimes we feel like we have to play the "game." The funny thing is that we all hate the game, and yet we succumb to it. 
    So, what is the game? The game is when we don't text before they do. When we don't seem desperate so they don't see our wants. When we don't act as though we need them in our lives. When we act as though we can progress without them...this, my friends, is the thing that in the end fucks us up the most.
    I never thought I would be the person to play this game. I want to be with someone that if I want to text you for whatever reason...I do. Whenever I seem desperate...I tell you I miss you. Whenever I need you...I let you know. Whenever I say I can't seem to go on without you...I ask for help. This is strength.
   Never have I thought that not saying something to look "strong" was a ploy for strength. Never have I thought that playing the game was a smart idea. 
   I want honesty. I want truth. I want reality. I want rawness. I want harshness. I want nitty-gritty, smack-down, fucked up, can't hold it in any longer cause I am gonna burst realness...
   I won't play the game. I suck at it...and I refuse. I will be me, and only me. I swear.

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