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Patterns

   Just this week Walgreens was caught with selling Hanukkah wrapping paper with a repeating pattern which depicted swastikas. Now, I highly doubt that it was an intentional act by the company, or anyone for that matter, but the fact that it was ironically being sold as Hanukkah paper with that particular symbol is what is alarming.
    I bring this up, because patterns like this that indicate a horrific symbol is something that should be avoided at all cost not just by those who were religiously or familial-ly affected by it. Then my thought pattern changed. How often to I recognize symbols in my own attitude or life or those of others that have hurt me in the past, and yet I avoid them or don't take heed of them.
   I was watching a part of my life play out the other night, to no one else's notice, and I watched myself follow a pattern I had in the past, create a familiar thought in my mind, act out that thought, then feel absolutely horrible after. I knew what the end result would be. I knew I would feel like shit if I followed this pattern...but I did it anyway. The only good part about this night was the people in my life before and now.
   It has happened to me before. I have recognized it with those that are close to me and those I deeply care for. I get into a mindset and I perpetuate a character pattern, and instead of bucking up and changing my attitude or the pattern of thought or action I continue and just hope that people accept me the way that I believe to be.
   Lately, I have been trying to realize that I am truly the only one who can change or affect me long term. I am not saying that people and their actions don't affect me, but I am saying that in the end I am the one in charge of how I respond. Just as they are responsible for how they react to me and my patterns of self.
   It all kinda sounds like a small cop-out, but trust me...it might be. But! it does matter on who we allow in our lives to be a part of it. I find myself wanting to only be surrounded by people who understand me, and are wanting me to change and be the best me that I can. That's what patterns are about...change. They aren't indelible...they are changeable. And, sometimes, even when we don't want to, or we don't like the idea of changing ourselves we have to for the betterment of ourselves and our relationships with others!

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