Skip to main content

Patterns

   Just this week Walgreens was caught with selling Hanukkah wrapping paper with a repeating pattern which depicted swastikas. Now, I highly doubt that it was an intentional act by the company, or anyone for that matter, but the fact that it was ironically being sold as Hanukkah paper with that particular symbol is what is alarming.
    I bring this up, because patterns like this that indicate a horrific symbol is something that should be avoided at all cost not just by those who were religiously or familial-ly affected by it. Then my thought pattern changed. How often to I recognize symbols in my own attitude or life or those of others that have hurt me in the past, and yet I avoid them or don't take heed of them.
   I was watching a part of my life play out the other night, to no one else's notice, and I watched myself follow a pattern I had in the past, create a familiar thought in my mind, act out that thought, then feel absolutely horrible after. I knew what the end result would be. I knew I would feel like shit if I followed this pattern...but I did it anyway. The only good part about this night was the people in my life before and now.
   It has happened to me before. I have recognized it with those that are close to me and those I deeply care for. I get into a mindset and I perpetuate a character pattern, and instead of bucking up and changing my attitude or the pattern of thought or action I continue and just hope that people accept me the way that I believe to be.
   Lately, I have been trying to realize that I am truly the only one who can change or affect me long term. I am not saying that people and their actions don't affect me, but I am saying that in the end I am the one in charge of how I respond. Just as they are responsible for how they react to me and my patterns of self.
   It all kinda sounds like a small cop-out, but trust me...it might be. But! it does matter on who we allow in our lives to be a part of it. I find myself wanting to only be surrounded by people who understand me, and are wanting me to change and be the best me that I can. That's what patterns are about...change. They aren't indelible...they are changeable. And, sometimes, even when we don't want to, or we don't like the idea of changing ourselves we have to for the betterment of ourselves and our relationships with others!

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

The sun will come out...when?

   I could have really used the sun today. You know that feeling between being in an okay mood and being in a not so okay mood? Well, I am there. And, I know for a fact that the sun would have pushed me to the side of okay...or maybe even taken me to great. No sun today. Just grey, blah weather. I hate it! It makes me doubt things. It makes me create things in my mind. It makes me think of the demeantors breeding bad juju.    I need the sun. Today has been more of a blah day than I have experienced in a long while. The weather isn't just hazy, I have become haze. The weather isn't just dank. I have become dank. The weather isn't just cold. I have become cold. So much so that the phone I answer at work would better serve me if thrown through the window in front of me. So much so that the cell phone I keep in touch with my friends would better serve me if broken.     SAD: seasonal affective disorder. I think most people know what this is...

Used to but not anymore

       I used to have this friend. It was a friendship that was uncomplicated and never required a lot of personal struggle. I never felt uncomfortable or as though I had to compromise myself. It was a friendship of true honesty and sincerity, and I miss it.         Oddly enough, I have these moments that I imagine my entire life ending. Just stopping. And as I ponder on where I am and who I am around and who would be affected, I think of this friend. Probably because they aren't around anymore. I think that perhaps they aren't around to help me cope with the things I encounter on a daily basis. Odd, you say? Eh, if you knew them, you wouldn't think so.         I honestly can't remember the first time I met this person. I was very young, and never imagined that we would grow as close as we did. It was perhaps a friendship forged in similar tastes and loves. We loved to banter about religion and philosophy and litera...

What is love? Baby, I'm hurting...I'm hurting...🎶🎶

  Early last week was bad for white boy. He was injured and is probably left with a broken foot. Now, he hasn't been to the doctor and continues to walk and work and do all the things. He continues to also piss me off because he hasn't gone. Granted, I tend to be stubborn too, but if that would have happened to me and my foot looked like that, I would have been at the doctor's office first thing in the morning.   Having said that, that is all I can think about in the back of my mind. How much he is in pain and how much it sucks. I can't fix it, but I can get irritated and semi-yell at him for not going to have it checked out. Guess that's how I cope. I love him, but damn is it frustrating.   Sometimes I wonder how people show love. Sometimes I wonder if people show love in grandiose ways or if the subtlety of love is what is true love. Sure, I mean when he proposed that was a good indicator that he loves me. When I said yes is also a good indicator that I love him...