Skip to main content

It's just right

   "Interact with others as though you are radiating happiness and healing from within." This quote by Franklin Gillette has been running through me for 4 days. I have meditated on it, spoken it, breathed it, chewed on it, drank it...and tried to fully embrace the simplicity of it. 
    I was talking with a co-worker yesterday about being a state of "fake" happiness. And, when she told me that in conjunction with the relationship I was having with Zain, I knew I didn't have to be fake happy. I was happy. I am happy. I hate pretending because I suck at it. I hate pretending because it only makes things worse. I hate pretending because it is "the game." I didn't have to make something up in conjunction with the brown one because at the end of the day...he makes me happy.
    Driving across town, parking behind the little cafe, walking against the wind, waiting for him to walk in, then laying eyes on him...peace. My peace met his defense. To be honest, it sucked! But, I know him. I know me. I knew that given a little time and a little honesty we could work things out. "I am surprised I am here. It took a lot of courage for me to see you. I normally just erase and pretend that the pain didn't happen." He does what I do. He erases the pain to forget and pretend.
    ...and then, with our #airofgrievances out of the way--we began to mend. The light in his eyes shone brighter, he was able to look at me and see me for what I was...his friend. And for the first time in a week...I smiled. I smiled from the deepest part of my heart.
    I couldn't have walked away any happier from that moment. I couldn't have walked away from him having him distrust me or hate me or desire to shut me out. And, I certainly couldn't have walked away feeling broken in two. 

   So, for the first time since last Monday, I feel a tinge of the Christmas spirit. I am ready to enjoy myself, enjoy my friends, and enjoy the truth in knowing that peace has truly come on earth.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Beneath the Weeping Willow

  "The willow submits to the wind and prospers until one day it is many willows—a wall against the wind. This is the willow's purpose." —  Frank Herbert, Dune   Time, although a very evasive concept, is in each moment a gift. And most often, I don't stop to look back at the road I have traveled on. Even more so, the road Justin and I have travelled together. But today it is warranted. Today marks 9 years as husband and wife, and 9 years of truly some amazing and adverse moments. We have lost the most cherished and birthed the most loved all the while interwoven with each other.    I will be the first to admit that our day to day appears to some: mundane. However, inside the ordinary he and I together have understood the profundity of love. It is brash and loud, but it is also cautious and quiet.  "Love is a many splendored thing."  It is the true basis of community, and I am proud of the community we have built.   The  willow  is the t...
Post a Comment
Read more

Being his girlfriend

"Are you happy being my girlfriend?" He asks. In all seriousness. In all honesty. He asks. Never once have I been asked such a damned difficult question. Never once have I been asked that slight simple question. Never once have I been asked THAT question.   Immediately, my head goes a thousand different directions. I want to give him the most honest answer. But lately I feel as though I am trying to quantity my happiness. Yes. I. Am. Happy. But what is happiness? Am I? Can I honestly say that I am happy? I don't know.   Before I make an ass out of myself, I must say this: not one time in the history of Aly and men has she ever felt like her significant other was shelter. You know that line from Finding Nemo where Dory says to Marlin, "When I look at you, I remember. When I look at you, I am home." That's the way I feel when I am in his arms. Home. Perhaps it best not to tell him such a bold thought, but it's true.   Back to this question. Am I happy b...
3 comments
Read more

The Breath of Life

   "I c-c-c-can't stop shaking." "Oh, that is normal," he said as he looked down at me before he peered back over the blue medical sheet in front of my face. I couldn't. I just couldn't stop the incessant shaking. The moment of welcoming my son had played out in my head everyday for the last 10 months, and I promise, this was NOT it.   We arrived 30 hours prior, and my utopistic idea of induction had not come true.    "There are only a few reasons we would revert to a cesarean section... 1. He is under stress. 2. I am under stress. 3. He isn't progressing after some time, but chances are we won't get there."    So, after 22 hours of quite intense labor, I found myself being prepped for a c-section. I'll be the first to admit, my words of, "We will do what we have to do to have a healthy baby," seemed so far gone now. I wasn't sure emotionally how I had gotten this far, or even how I would get further.   "We are go...
1 comment
Read more