Skip to main content

It's just right

   "Interact with others as though you are radiating happiness and healing from within." This quote by Franklin Gillette has been running through me for 4 days. I have meditated on it, spoken it, breathed it, chewed on it, drank it...and tried to fully embrace the simplicity of it. 
    I was talking with a co-worker yesterday about being a state of "fake" happiness. And, when she told me that in conjunction with the relationship I was having with Zain, I knew I didn't have to be fake happy. I was happy. I am happy. I hate pretending because I suck at it. I hate pretending because it only makes things worse. I hate pretending because it is "the game." I didn't have to make something up in conjunction with the brown one because at the end of the day...he makes me happy.
    Driving across town, parking behind the little cafe, walking against the wind, waiting for him to walk in, then laying eyes on him...peace. My peace met his defense. To be honest, it sucked! But, I know him. I know me. I knew that given a little time and a little honesty we could work things out. "I am surprised I am here. It took a lot of courage for me to see you. I normally just erase and pretend that the pain didn't happen." He does what I do. He erases the pain to forget and pretend.
    ...and then, with our #airofgrievances out of the way--we began to mend. The light in his eyes shone brighter, he was able to look at me and see me for what I was...his friend. And for the first time in a week...I smiled. I smiled from the deepest part of my heart.
    I couldn't have walked away any happier from that moment. I couldn't have walked away from him having him distrust me or hate me or desire to shut me out. And, I certainly couldn't have walked away feeling broken in two. 

   So, for the first time since last Monday, I feel a tinge of the Christmas spirit. I am ready to enjoy myself, enjoy my friends, and enjoy the truth in knowing that peace has truly come on earth.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Tiger must stay in your backpack...

   I'm not that parent. The one who gloats too much, and shows off all the pictures. The parent who relays every detail of their kid to let others know how incredible I think they are. Perhaps it is a flaw. Who knows. And I also pride myself in not being a helicopter parent. I teach and let go. I discipline and let go.    And I thought I would be ready for this: first day of Pre-K. I have been very positive and uplifting and have wanted my son to be extra ready to go to school. We have talked about it for months! I am ready... Or so I thought.  This morning, as white boy was leaving to take them to daycare, he said to Owen, "You can't take Tiger to school tomorrow or he will have to stay in your backpack, so do you want to take him to daycare today?" I thought little of it, but as Owen threw him down on the ground and turned to head out the door, my throat hitched. "Are you sure you don't want to take him today?" He said no. It was a sense of finality.  ...
Post a Comment
Read more

60 years ago is not the 1940s

  When you are born, you are lucky to get one day a year to celebrate just you. Well, you and all the others born on that day. When you become a mother or father, you get another day for just you. Sometimes those days come when you are not ready, and some come when you wish they wouldn't.   Today, 60 years ago, my mother was born. A date that means littler to most people I know than to her or me. As we age, and my mother is no different, our birthdays become just another cycle of the rising of the sun and a following of the moon. Nothing to make a big to do of.   My mother enjoys subtly. She can be dramatic but embraces the subtle acknowledgement of herself. She has ALWAYS placed herself second and counted the accolades of her children as if they were her own. That was one thing my mother NEVER lacked: humility. Which made me often sad she didn't get more than 2 days a year commemorating her.   Mom, I know I've come short. I know that I have openly and often faile...
Post a Comment
Read more

The Sacred Requiem

  He handed me the hymnal and asked me if I was ready...if I could do this. To be honest, I had no idea what I was doing. I had never planned a funeral, and even if I had imagined planning one it sure wasn't this early in life and it sure wasn't for my only brother, my only sibling. At 25, I felt like a little child getting left behind in a sea of strangers. I was terrified.   2 days prior, my heart stopped beating. 2 short days before this, my peaceful world collided with the dark. And now I had to prepare for the world to say goodbye to greatness. The tree fell in the woods and the world shook with its sudden end. And we, as the collective, needed to imagine that very tree as the beautiful piece of woodwork it now was and bow to it's new exulted shape.   I wasn't sure how to plan a requiem. But, it had been placed in my hands and I wanted to give him the best I could. He deserved it. He deserved life...to live...to breathe still and chase every dream he thought into...
Post a Comment
Read more