Skip to main content

Pleasure

   I have a confession: I have always been jealous of people with drug or hyper-sexual backgrounds who have accepted their lifestyle. Why? Because for sometime, even if it was a short time, lived the life I have secretly craved.
   Sometimes, when I read or hear of someone who has lived a lifestyle that although brings nothing but heartache in the end, I get jealous. Simply because I think there is a part of us, maybe just me, that craves the lifestyle of pleasure. It is what makes us basic humans. We seek happiness...we get happiness from pleasure, and the basic needs of pleasure according to basic human needs are sex and food. I suppose I could be slightly referencing Maslow's hierarchy of needs. I know I mentioned drugs, but did can got a short time bring pleasure. 
   But still...I am not denying that a life full of meaningless sex is the only true pleasure or that elicit drug use is harmless and fun all the time. What I am saying is a part of me craves the ability to forget what standard I have chosen for my life and embrace a sense of "fuck it" (literally.) 
   I can't. I can't do it, and I won't. I think because I see no point. I currently work in a drug lab where I encounter on a daily basis those who have abandoned any standard and embraced the savage lifestyle of drugs and sex, and it got them one thing: their life turned upside down. Does this happen with all people who chose this particular way of life? No. But, I have seen the ramifications of what it can do, and that is enough.
   I remember the commercials that used to run: such and such is my anti-drug, and I didn't think I would ever understand it until one night, I was lying in the middle of my friend's livingroom doped up on prescription pills, trying to wake her up enough so she could take care of her 2 year old son. He was crawling all over her needing her attention. I knew at that moment I had my anti-drug. 
   I know I am blessed to have dodged a very slippery road of which I could have traveled. I know that I am blessed to have parents who instilled in me a moral compass. I do not deny that I would have been a good candidate for a lifestyle of pure lonely pleasure. 
    Perhaps this blog is just some random confessional of which I can embrace. Who knows. But the truth is still there...I might die a virgin. Who knows. I might always harbor a little bit of jealousy toward those who feel no guilt or remorse in doing things that I can't. Who knows. All I know is that it is what it is...

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

The sun will come out...when?

   I could have really used the sun today. You know that feeling between being in an okay mood and being in a not so okay mood? Well, I am there. And, I know for a fact that the sun would have pushed me to the side of okay...or maybe even taken me to great. No sun today. Just grey, blah weather. I hate it! It makes me doubt things. It makes me create things in my mind. It makes me think of the demeantors breeding bad juju.    I need the sun. Today has been more of a blah day than I have experienced in a long while. The weather isn't just hazy, I have become haze. The weather isn't just dank. I have become dank. The weather isn't just cold. I have become cold. So much so that the phone I answer at work would better serve me if thrown through the window in front of me. So much so that the cell phone I keep in touch with my friends would better serve me if broken.     SAD: seasonal affective disorder. I think most people know what this is...

Used to but not anymore

       I used to have this friend. It was a friendship that was uncomplicated and never required a lot of personal struggle. I never felt uncomfortable or as though I had to compromise myself. It was a friendship of true honesty and sincerity, and I miss it.         Oddly enough, I have these moments that I imagine my entire life ending. Just stopping. And as I ponder on where I am and who I am around and who would be affected, I think of this friend. Probably because they aren't around anymore. I think that perhaps they aren't around to help me cope with the things I encounter on a daily basis. Odd, you say? Eh, if you knew them, you wouldn't think so.         I honestly can't remember the first time I met this person. I was very young, and never imagined that we would grow as close as we did. It was perhaps a friendship forged in similar tastes and loves. We loved to banter about religion and philosophy and litera...

What is love? Baby, I'm hurting...I'm hurting...🎶🎶

  Early last week was bad for white boy. He was injured and is probably left with a broken foot. Now, he hasn't been to the doctor and continues to walk and work and do all the things. He continues to also piss me off because he hasn't gone. Granted, I tend to be stubborn too, but if that would have happened to me and my foot looked like that, I would have been at the doctor's office first thing in the morning.   Having said that, that is all I can think about in the back of my mind. How much he is in pain and how much it sucks. I can't fix it, but I can get irritated and semi-yell at him for not going to have it checked out. Guess that's how I cope. I love him, but damn is it frustrating.   Sometimes I wonder how people show love. Sometimes I wonder if people show love in grandiose ways or if the subtlety of love is what is true love. Sure, I mean when he proposed that was a good indicator that he loves me. When I said yes is also a good indicator that I love him...