Skip to main content

Breaking point

   I think we all have them. Those moments that we decide in one instant that we can't take it any longer or things just don't matter like they did...yeah, we all have those. I have a ton of them. But most of mine go under the radar.
   Just recently, I made a decision to do something I had never thought I would...ever, and without taking a long drawn out process of evaluating the situation, I did it. And I have no regrets. I thought I would, but I don't. And that got me thinking...the only reason why I didn't regret the situation, was because I had known all along what my reaction would be if I made this particular choice.
   Btw...the thing I chose isn't that grandiose or worth talking about, but it launched within me this idea of breaking points. Yes...yes...this sounds so ranty, but it isn't. Trust me. Okay, we all know that the person who knows us most in life is ourselves, and if we are healthy human beings we have taken the time to get to know ourselves inside and out. If we haven't we have no one to blame but ourselves.
   So what does that have to do with breaking points? Everything! If we truly do know ourselves, then as curious human beings that we are, we would imagjne ouourselves in situations that perhaps we never thought we would be in. I remember before Andy died, I used to have this reoccurring scenario I would play out in my head of what I would do if my family all died. Yeah...morbid, I know. But scenarios such as that perhaps gave me that foundation of tenacity that I would need when the pain and struggle of losing the one person in my life that I loved the most became a reality.
   We daydream; we fantasize; we manipulate; we endure...we encounter breaking points. Lately, I have been thinking if there are some people who have breaking points with me. I do believe that we have then with other people, so I wonder, "If I do one more thing will I lose someone in my life?" Is this something I even have control over?
   I guess what I have been thinking about most is that at some point there will come a time when what we said and did and professed and stood on our soap box for...will some day just become something we quietly embrace.
   Of course this has nothing to do with core values or the things in our life that we hold so tightly to or that we live our lives according to...these things, of which I speak, are the things that at the end of the day only help us embrace our humanity, that much tighter, in hopes that we are broken enough to allow God's mercy to be visible to us.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Tiger must stay in your backpack...

   I'm not that parent. The one who gloats too much, and shows off all the pictures. The parent who relays every detail of their kid to let others know how incredible I think they are. Perhaps it is a flaw. Who knows. And I also pride myself in not being a helicopter parent. I teach and let go. I discipline and let go.    And I thought I would be ready for this: first day of Pre-K. I have been very positive and uplifting and have wanted my son to be extra ready to go to school. We have talked about it for months! I am ready... Or so I thought.  This morning, as white boy was leaving to take them to daycare, he said to Owen, "You can't take Tiger to school tomorrow or he will have to stay in your backpack, so do you want to take him to daycare today?" I thought little of it, but as Owen threw him down on the ground and turned to head out the door, my throat hitched. "Are you sure you don't want to take him today?" He said no. It was a sense of finality.  ...
Post a Comment
Read more

60 years ago is not the 1940s

  When you are born, you are lucky to get one day a year to celebrate just you. Well, you and all the others born on that day. When you become a mother or father, you get another day for just you. Sometimes those days come when you are not ready, and some come when you wish they wouldn't.   Today, 60 years ago, my mother was born. A date that means littler to most people I know than to her or me. As we age, and my mother is no different, our birthdays become just another cycle of the rising of the sun and a following of the moon. Nothing to make a big to do of.   My mother enjoys subtly. She can be dramatic but embraces the subtle acknowledgement of herself. She has ALWAYS placed herself second and counted the accolades of her children as if they were her own. That was one thing my mother NEVER lacked: humility. Which made me often sad she didn't get more than 2 days a year commemorating her.   Mom, I know I've come short. I know that I have openly and often faile...
Post a Comment
Read more

The Sacred Requiem

  He handed me the hymnal and asked me if I was ready...if I could do this. To be honest, I had no idea what I was doing. I had never planned a funeral, and even if I had imagined planning one it sure wasn't this early in life and it sure wasn't for my only brother, my only sibling. At 25, I felt like a little child getting left behind in a sea of strangers. I was terrified.   2 days prior, my heart stopped beating. 2 short days before this, my peaceful world collided with the dark. And now I had to prepare for the world to say goodbye to greatness. The tree fell in the woods and the world shook with its sudden end. And we, as the collective, needed to imagine that very tree as the beautiful piece of woodwork it now was and bow to it's new exulted shape.   I wasn't sure how to plan a requiem. But, it had been placed in my hands and I wanted to give him the best I could. He deserved it. He deserved life...to live...to breathe still and chase every dream he thought into...
Post a Comment
Read more