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Breaking point

   I think we all have them. Those moments that we decide in one instant that we can't take it any longer or things just don't matter like they did...yeah, we all have those. I have a ton of them. But most of mine go under the radar.
   Just recently, I made a decision to do something I had never thought I would...ever, and without taking a long drawn out process of evaluating the situation, I did it. And I have no regrets. I thought I would, but I don't. And that got me thinking...the only reason why I didn't regret the situation, was because I had known all along what my reaction would be if I made this particular choice.
   Btw...the thing I chose isn't that grandiose or worth talking about, but it launched within me this idea of breaking points. Yes...yes...this sounds so ranty, but it isn't. Trust me. Okay, we all know that the person who knows us most in life is ourselves, and if we are healthy human beings we have taken the time to get to know ourselves inside and out. If we haven't we have no one to blame but ourselves.
   So what does that have to do with breaking points? Everything! If we truly do know ourselves, then as curious human beings that we are, we would imagjne ouourselves in situations that perhaps we never thought we would be in. I remember before Andy died, I used to have this reoccurring scenario I would play out in my head of what I would do if my family all died. Yeah...morbid, I know. But scenarios such as that perhaps gave me that foundation of tenacity that I would need when the pain and struggle of losing the one person in my life that I loved the most became a reality.
   We daydream; we fantasize; we manipulate; we endure...we encounter breaking points. Lately, I have been thinking if there are some people who have breaking points with me. I do believe that we have then with other people, so I wonder, "If I do one more thing will I lose someone in my life?" Is this something I even have control over?
   I guess what I have been thinking about most is that at some point there will come a time when what we said and did and professed and stood on our soap box for...will some day just become something we quietly embrace.
   Of course this has nothing to do with core values or the things in our life that we hold so tightly to or that we live our lives according to...these things, of which I speak, are the things that at the end of the day only help us embrace our humanity, that much tighter, in hopes that we are broken enough to allow God's mercy to be visible to us.

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