Skip to main content

Breaking point

   I think we all have them. Those moments that we decide in one instant that we can't take it any longer or things just don't matter like they did...yeah, we all have those. I have a ton of them. But most of mine go under the radar.
   Just recently, I made a decision to do something I had never thought I would...ever, and without taking a long drawn out process of evaluating the situation, I did it. And I have no regrets. I thought I would, but I don't. And that got me thinking...the only reason why I didn't regret the situation, was because I had known all along what my reaction would be if I made this particular choice.
   Btw...the thing I chose isn't that grandiose or worth talking about, but it launched within me this idea of breaking points. Yes...yes...this sounds so ranty, but it isn't. Trust me. Okay, we all know that the person who knows us most in life is ourselves, and if we are healthy human beings we have taken the time to get to know ourselves inside and out. If we haven't we have no one to blame but ourselves.
   So what does that have to do with breaking points? Everything! If we truly do know ourselves, then as curious human beings that we are, we would imagjne ouourselves in situations that perhaps we never thought we would be in. I remember before Andy died, I used to have this reoccurring scenario I would play out in my head of what I would do if my family all died. Yeah...morbid, I know. But scenarios such as that perhaps gave me that foundation of tenacity that I would need when the pain and struggle of losing the one person in my life that I loved the most became a reality.
   We daydream; we fantasize; we manipulate; we endure...we encounter breaking points. Lately, I have been thinking if there are some people who have breaking points with me. I do believe that we have then with other people, so I wonder, "If I do one more thing will I lose someone in my life?" Is this something I even have control over?
   I guess what I have been thinking about most is that at some point there will come a time when what we said and did and professed and stood on our soap box for...will some day just become something we quietly embrace.
   Of course this has nothing to do with core values or the things in our life that we hold so tightly to or that we live our lives according to...these things, of which I speak, are the things that at the end of the day only help us embrace our humanity, that much tighter, in hopes that we are broken enough to allow God's mercy to be visible to us.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

A goodbye love letter to you...

  I sat across from my dad at lunch, yesterday, and asked him, "Do you know what tomorrow is?" He said, "Yeah. 1 year." And his eyes grew damp. "I'll never forget walking into that room..." He didn't continue. I didn't ask him to. "I'll never forget the police officer banging on my door at 1130 at night..." I didn't continue. He didn't ask me to.  "This journal was given to me several years ago by my children. I know they wanted me to write down my thoughts to get through the rough times I was going through at the time. I did not start this at that time. Why am I starting it now? Well, I only thought I had been through hell back then, but now I realize I didn't have any idea what heartache was until Aug 15, 2010 -"   This is the beginning of one of my mother's journals. A journal she started a little over a month after Andy died. And she wrote it--to him.  "Dear Mother - Today is the day before Mothe...

Arithmetic of Purpose

   By nature, humans will, at one point in their life, ask the question, "For what purpose? Why am I here? What am I meant to do?" Okay, maybe they will ask themselves more than 1 question...but at least around the same theme. "Who am I, and why am I here?" It is built in our very DNA. Growing up, I didn't ask this often. I had a loving family who went with the current. Who I was and why I was here was bound up in my place in my family of 4. I was comfy. I was loved. I was secure. But alas...the question presented itself.   I first asked myself this question walking down the streets of Rome. I was alone, I was 21, and I was lost. I had just finished AmeriCorps and felt like I wanted something, but wasn't sure what that was. I had found my faith, at last, and realized that perhaps I wanted to be a bigger part of the Church collective. I felt meaning to my nothingness. I went home with direction. I graduated from college, finally, and started grad school to be...

3000 miles...

      ...and I am exhausted. Just a little over an hour and a half ago, I reached 3000 miles on my trip, and as I sit here in this hotel room, in Fort Stockton, TX, I am realizing how tired I am. Isn't vacation supposed to be refreshing and relaxing? Yet, I feel neither. I feel as though I am running on fumes, like my car was moments ago before I gave her a drink.       I spent that last hour thinking about all the things I have done, all the people I have seen, all the wonderful food I have eaten, and I realize I am so blessed. I have everything I need and all the love and support a person could ask for, and because of that, I am truly blessed.       It took everything in my power to turn on my computer and type this, so this post is uber short. But, I wanted to thank everyone, thus far, who has extended a gracious hand to host me and be there for me in just a manner to show me love. I love each and everyone of you. (I am sure this will no...