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An "open" letter to my nieces

  

 Five. Five years ago...today. I met you then, and I fell in love. Lillian and Ellyssa, my named and my namesake, how beautiful you have made my world. I will admit though, when I found out your mother was pregnant, I was scared. I wasn't ready to be a grownup. I wasn't ready to carry as much responsibility that I knew you would demand from me. I wasn't ready for my life to change the way it did when you both showed. But, how thankful I am.
   I remember looking at you both, in the hospital. I was so scared to touch you...afraid I might break you. You were both so tiny. But, I finally held you...one then the other. Holding tiny hand after tiny hand. And, in that moment, I saw myself falling more deeply in love.
   You two hold my heart...
Lillian: My named. Where do I even begin? I am going to admit I never thought you and I would actually click with each other. I know that sounds a bit drastic at such a young age, but I think we grew into each other. Or, perhaps, you just buried yourself into the depths of my heart, and took root. As I watched you grow, I was always reminded of the one that couldn't be tamed. You, my dear, are the storm in the calm. You are the glitch in the system. You are the avalanche on the snow covered mountain. You are the rain that falls on the picnic. And, I desire you no other way. You keep things alive, Lil. Don't ever change.
     Aunt Leesie loves you so much. When I see your face, I see pure life. You are one of the most beautiful girls I have ever seen. Your smile, my love, can light up any room of which you desire. I know that times are difficult when you can't determine how to understand the twists and turns. I know that moments seem unfathomably hard when you can't quite make the rest of the world understand...but don't stop trying, love.
Ellyssa: My namesake. How are you little one? You had many of my firsts...my first Aunt Essie, which eventually turned into Aunt Leesie. You had my first "i love you" from your little, cute mouth to my ears. You had my first diaper change. Then you became me, or at least a part of me. You are the glitter I wore til I was a senior in highschool. You are the pink frills I learned to love when I was past the age of 25. You are the make-up I love putting on when going out. You are the part of me that longed to be a graceful dancer when I knew I couldn't.
    Aunt Leesie loves you so much. When I see your face, I see such tenderness and love. I see your snarls and snappy comebacks too. I see your tenacity and your exhaustive tendencies. But, above all, I see an adorable little girl who is shaping up to be a beautiful young lady.

    Ladies, I am so honored to be a part of your world. I promise that I will fail you, and I will let you down. But, I will never stop loving you. If you wish something from me, or I can be anything for you, ask. My life is yours. You have my heart and all my love. Life is gonna suck sometimes, but we will get through. I promise.
                                           Love, Aunt Leesie



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