Skip to main content

An "open" letter to my nieces

  

 Five. Five years ago...today. I met you then, and I fell in love. Lillian and Ellyssa, my named and my namesake, how beautiful you have made my world. I will admit though, when I found out your mother was pregnant, I was scared. I wasn't ready to be a grownup. I wasn't ready to carry as much responsibility that I knew you would demand from me. I wasn't ready for my life to change the way it did when you both showed. But, how thankful I am.
   I remember looking at you both, in the hospital. I was so scared to touch you...afraid I might break you. You were both so tiny. But, I finally held you...one then the other. Holding tiny hand after tiny hand. And, in that moment, I saw myself falling more deeply in love.
   You two hold my heart...
Lillian: My named. Where do I even begin? I am going to admit I never thought you and I would actually click with each other. I know that sounds a bit drastic at such a young age, but I think we grew into each other. Or, perhaps, you just buried yourself into the depths of my heart, and took root. As I watched you grow, I was always reminded of the one that couldn't be tamed. You, my dear, are the storm in the calm. You are the glitch in the system. You are the avalanche on the snow covered mountain. You are the rain that falls on the picnic. And, I desire you no other way. You keep things alive, Lil. Don't ever change.
     Aunt Leesie loves you so much. When I see your face, I see pure life. You are one of the most beautiful girls I have ever seen. Your smile, my love, can light up any room of which you desire. I know that times are difficult when you can't determine how to understand the twists and turns. I know that moments seem unfathomably hard when you can't quite make the rest of the world understand...but don't stop trying, love.
Ellyssa: My namesake. How are you little one? You had many of my firsts...my first Aunt Essie, which eventually turned into Aunt Leesie. You had my first "i love you" from your little, cute mouth to my ears. You had my first diaper change. Then you became me, or at least a part of me. You are the glitter I wore til I was a senior in highschool. You are the pink frills I learned to love when I was past the age of 25. You are the make-up I love putting on when going out. You are the part of me that longed to be a graceful dancer when I knew I couldn't.
    Aunt Leesie loves you so much. When I see your face, I see such tenderness and love. I see your snarls and snappy comebacks too. I see your tenacity and your exhaustive tendencies. But, above all, I see an adorable little girl who is shaping up to be a beautiful young lady.

    Ladies, I am so honored to be a part of your world. I promise that I will fail you, and I will let you down. But, I will never stop loving you. If you wish something from me, or I can be anything for you, ask. My life is yours. You have my heart and all my love. Life is gonna suck sometimes, but we will get through. I promise.
                                           Love, Aunt Leesie



Comments

Popular posts from this blog

The sun will come out...when?

   I could have really used the sun today. You know that feeling between being in an okay mood and being in a not so okay mood? Well, I am there. And, I know for a fact that the sun would have pushed me to the side of okay...or maybe even taken me to great. No sun today. Just grey, blah weather. I hate it! It makes me doubt things. It makes me create things in my mind. It makes me think of the demeantors breeding bad juju.    I need the sun. Today has been more of a blah day than I have experienced in a long while. The weather isn't just hazy, I have become haze. The weather isn't just dank. I have become dank. The weather isn't just cold. I have become cold. So much so that the phone I answer at work would better serve me if thrown through the window in front of me. So much so that the cell phone I keep in touch with my friends would better serve me if broken.     SAD: seasonal affective disorder. I think most people know what this is...

What is love? Baby, I'm hurting...I'm hurting...🎶🎶

  Early last week was bad for white boy. He was injured and is probably left with a broken foot. Now, he hasn't been to the doctor and continues to walk and work and do all the things. He continues to also piss me off because he hasn't gone. Granted, I tend to be stubborn too, but if that would have happened to me and my foot looked like that, I would have been at the doctor's office first thing in the morning.   Having said that, that is all I can think about in the back of my mind. How much he is in pain and how much it sucks. I can't fix it, but I can get irritated and semi-yell at him for not going to have it checked out. Guess that's how I cope. I love him, but damn is it frustrating.   Sometimes I wonder how people show love. Sometimes I wonder if people show love in grandiose ways or if the subtlety of love is what is true love. Sure, I mean when he proposed that was a good indicator that he loves me. When I said yes is also a good indicator that I love him...

3000 miles...

      ...and I am exhausted. Just a little over an hour and a half ago, I reached 3000 miles on my trip, and as I sit here in this hotel room, in Fort Stockton, TX, I am realizing how tired I am. Isn't vacation supposed to be refreshing and relaxing? Yet, I feel neither. I feel as though I am running on fumes, like my car was moments ago before I gave her a drink.       I spent that last hour thinking about all the things I have done, all the people I have seen, all the wonderful food I have eaten, and I realize I am so blessed. I have everything I need and all the love and support a person could ask for, and because of that, I am truly blessed.       It took everything in my power to turn on my computer and type this, so this post is uber short. But, I wanted to thank everyone, thus far, who has extended a gracious hand to host me and be there for me in just a manner to show me love. I love each and everyone of you. (I am sure this will no...