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Girl with moments

   Even though I think that I know myself pretty well, I am still trying to figure out how to change certain things about my character that I don't particularly care for. But how? I have these moments. Or so they have been dubbed. Times, in which, I will be bothered by something and because I can't seem to hide it, will be oozing out of every pore in my body.
   But, here is the deal. When I was younger, I used to pretend that nothing bothered me, and hide everything. I thought that to allow people to see me when I am having these "moments" was the change I needed. Apparently, they are more damaging than anything. So, what changed? I did. I actively decided to allow people into my world. I want to go back now.
   Why? Because, I have been told that it is "all about me." I might have that mentality, and I might have that problem. The thing is, and this is the complete truth, I can't and don't see it that way. I wish that someone could come and fix my glitches. I need someone who can come and erase those "sensitive" feelings in me. The funny thing...is that these moments will only happen with people I deeply care for.
   I have heard that those you are closest to can cause the most hurt. I know this...because I hurt people and I don't mean to. I feel a sudden remorse for my actions, and I wish nothing more than to fix the situation. It saddens me when I find out I hurt someone...but I don't know I hurt them unless they tell me. Why do I have moments? Because I tell someone when I feel uncomfortable or hurt or such...I figure that it will be okay and things can be fixed if it is talked and addressed.
   But, this has only caused me to look like I only care about myself. Which could be farther from the truth...but perception is everything. If someone perceives something about me, I wish that they would tell me. I always wish to rectify...I just don't always get the chance.
   I know that to be jaded is not what I want. I know that to be cold-hearted is not what I want. I know that to be unfeeling is not what I want. But, I want to get rid of these moments. Or, at least surround myself with people who realize that they aren't going anywhere...and so they are just going to have to deal.

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