I just read a rather depressing article that rang too true for me. It was essentially: time doesn't heal wounds. Nothing does. From what I gathered, it was a young girl writing to her brother who is no longer alive. In a flash, he was gone. Or, perhaps that is what I took from it because that is my story. Aside from the fact that this girl is writing my story, I couldn't help but disagree with her. Or, maybe I do agree with her, I just don't know how to dispute it.
For most of my life, I have been wracked with quotes. Quotes of life and love and loss and one we have all heard is this: "Time heals all wounds." And, for the most part, I have said that to myself, and had an inkling that perhaps it wasn't true. So, what does? I do believe I heard another quote which debunked this one, "Time doesn't heal all wounds; attitude does." Perhaps I didn't hear that, I just made it up. Either way...I don't know how I feel about it.
I have never been one to believe in relativity; however, I think that time can be at times relative, especially if we believe in the idea of purgatory. We, as humans, see time as linear. Time is something we can measure and count on. The sun will always rise and set. There will always be 60 seconds in a minute, 60 minutes in an hour, 24 hours a day and so on and so forth, but we measure our pain and our wounds outside of linear time. Our wounds and pain don't happen when we want, or when is most convenient for us...therefore the ability to measure the time in which it takes to be whole again doesn't work. Thus creating this idea of relative time.
Now, am I the same person that I was 4 1/2 years ago when Andrew died? No. Do I feel the sharp sting of death that lingered so close to my soul that horrible day? Not as often, and not as sharp. Do I feel as though breathing is impossible because the one who gave me a clear reason to breathe no longer breathes this side of eternity? No. So what changed? Time? Obviously time is a factor, but it is THE factor? Who can say?
This article did a good job of painting someone in turmoil and depression. I have seen the effects of these things on the psyche. I have seen how they plague someone years after tragedy. But, I have also been the one who has overcome these things by means of thought and choice. God, if I could count the times that I wanted to just freaking die and leave this dark, dank, and sinister world behind for the loving laughter of my brother...too many to count. What would that solve?
So, is it time that I came to call brother? Is it choice that I chose to extend a hand of friendship? I don't know. I probably will never know. But to definitively say that time doesn't heal is wrong. To definitively say that it does is also wrong. Even though, reading her story makes me relive mine, I can't address to her the fact that I think she is wrong. Because she is not. However, sometimes when we don't have the whole truth...the dark, dank, and sinister world we are living in seems all that is available to us. There is no clear and bright moments any longer. There is no smiles and laughter to be had again. There is no single ray of pure, unadulterated hope of which we can use as a lifeline.
In an essence, we end up like her: battling all alone. She speaks of once thinking she was strong, but when forced to endure this tragedy...she lost her strength. She didn't lose it. She abandoned it. We don't in an instant cease to be who we are before the tragedy struck, but we sometimes forget those things that would in essence keep us alive and whole. Whether this girl is still in the throes of sadness and depression, if she allows herself...she will rise above. Like we all do...like we all have.
For most of my life, I have been wracked with quotes. Quotes of life and love and loss and one we have all heard is this: "Time heals all wounds." And, for the most part, I have said that to myself, and had an inkling that perhaps it wasn't true. So, what does? I do believe I heard another quote which debunked this one, "Time doesn't heal all wounds; attitude does." Perhaps I didn't hear that, I just made it up. Either way...I don't know how I feel about it.
I have never been one to believe in relativity; however, I think that time can be at times relative, especially if we believe in the idea of purgatory. We, as humans, see time as linear. Time is something we can measure and count on. The sun will always rise and set. There will always be 60 seconds in a minute, 60 minutes in an hour, 24 hours a day and so on and so forth, but we measure our pain and our wounds outside of linear time. Our wounds and pain don't happen when we want, or when is most convenient for us...therefore the ability to measure the time in which it takes to be whole again doesn't work. Thus creating this idea of relative time.
Now, am I the same person that I was 4 1/2 years ago when Andrew died? No. Do I feel the sharp sting of death that lingered so close to my soul that horrible day? Not as often, and not as sharp. Do I feel as though breathing is impossible because the one who gave me a clear reason to breathe no longer breathes this side of eternity? No. So what changed? Time? Obviously time is a factor, but it is THE factor? Who can say?
This article did a good job of painting someone in turmoil and depression. I have seen the effects of these things on the psyche. I have seen how they plague someone years after tragedy. But, I have also been the one who has overcome these things by means of thought and choice. God, if I could count the times that I wanted to just freaking die and leave this dark, dank, and sinister world behind for the loving laughter of my brother...too many to count. What would that solve?
So, is it time that I came to call brother? Is it choice that I chose to extend a hand of friendship? I don't know. I probably will never know. But to definitively say that time doesn't heal is wrong. To definitively say that it does is also wrong. Even though, reading her story makes me relive mine, I can't address to her the fact that I think she is wrong. Because she is not. However, sometimes when we don't have the whole truth...the dark, dank, and sinister world we are living in seems all that is available to us. There is no clear and bright moments any longer. There is no smiles and laughter to be had again. There is no single ray of pure, unadulterated hope of which we can use as a lifeline.
In an essence, we end up like her: battling all alone. She speaks of once thinking she was strong, but when forced to endure this tragedy...she lost her strength. She didn't lose it. She abandoned it. We don't in an instant cease to be who we are before the tragedy struck, but we sometimes forget those things that would in essence keep us alive and whole. Whether this girl is still in the throes of sadness and depression, if she allows herself...she will rise above. Like we all do...like we all have.
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