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Who am I?

   The idea of the parallel universe is nothing new to us. In fact, there have been books and movies made that usher in the idea that we are alive in more places than one. We have the same name, look, attitude but different circumstances. Which, if you think about it, could make our appearances and attitudes different.
    But...Isn't it fact that we do live twice? Take out the idea that we live in seperate universes, but as people we tend to live in two places: the head and the heart. I have seen multiple cartoons depicting the fight betwen these two very different "aspects" of who we are. The head which bears our reason and rationale and the heart which holds our passion and our emotion.
    As a truly balanced person, we try to live in both of these aspects the same amount of time, and I find it utterly ridiculous. I can't stand the idea of having to balance out something that is unbalanceable. Some of us are reason some of us are emotion. I refuse to believe it is all soley based on gender. I know women who are more reason driven and men who are more emotional. Then there is me...and I tried for so long to try to be the "balanced" one...I am tired of not listening to the real me: the heart-driven me.
    I will be the first to admit, that we are all in use of our head and our heart. On a daily basis, we use both to make decisions and also to react to certain things in our lives at work, home, or in public. We are the make up of both aspects...but all of us are driven by one more than the other.
    So, where does reality reside? We could take it one step further and say that if we live in one of these aspects then we fail to live in reality. I learned a bit about myself this weekend, that was both painful and truthful. And, after hashing it out with a friend, I realized that I am stuck in this fantastical idea of non-reality. I think...
    I realize I am my heart-driven self, and I realize how much that that sometimes causes me to feel too much and react too irrationally. Then...I spend too much time apologizing for myself. It has made me tired. I am just exhausted.
    I am a bit afeard that I am being set up for some big change in my life, and I don't exactly know what to do. Because I don't exactly know what it is. I have spent a great deal in the last 6 months learning about aspects of myself that I didn't know existed. Some have been painful, but all have been helpful. So, here I sit...trying to find which aspect I live more in, and then seeing if I am living in the true reality.
    I always held pride in the fact that I knew myself, but now I don't know anymore. I feel less self-aware and more confused than I ever have. I do live in the emotional world. I do live in some sort of reality...but I am waking up to more of it everyday. I think.
    I just don't know anymore. I am up one minute down the next. I am laughing at something and crying at another. I am free to be me and yet bound up in the sake of others. I feel lost and confused. However, I don't feel a lot of fear. Just genuine confusion...
    ...
    ...
    ...
    ...Do I know me anymore?

   

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