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When did it change?

   I remember the days, as a teenager, thinking I had it all figured out. I wanted to be the Director of the FBI by the time I was 25. I wanted to be a famous writer showing the world the darkness and light and how they juxtaposed themselves in my soul. I wanted to go to the moon, the one place I saw true, unadulterated, divine beauty. I wanted this and this and that and more of this. I wanted it all. And no one was going to stop me.
    I remember thinking that I was invincible. I remember thinking that not getting the attention of the boy across the room was the hardest part of my life. I remember writing notes to my friends after every class period about said boy. I remember being invincible.
    When did it change? When did my perspective change so drastically on its axis that sometimes I dream of going back to that innocent stage of invicibility?
    Most people, myself sometimes included, berate anyone between the ages of 12-16. It is an age that we see as silly and filled with unnecessary drama. It is an age that begets egoism and materialism. It is an age that brings derision between what we think we know and what actually exists in the world. But...I also completely admire that age.
    I am a member of the Tumblr world. A world that consists of 420 million users, in which 61% of those people are between the ages of 13-19. This is a huge chunk. I consider this my most intimate form of social media, and I finally came to the realization of why. Because...they get it.
    They get that the simple and most heartfelt things in life are the most important. They get that a meme that says, "The bad news is, people are crueler, meaner, and more evil than you've ever imagined. The good news is, people are kinder, gentler, and more loving than you've ever dreamed" rings true for the majority of human beings. These kids are the ones that break when their best friend doesn't text them back. These are the kids that see cruelty the moment it is shown, but they are also the ones who can cause the most cruelty.
     In essence, this group, of people, are the ones who see innocence and although desire not to preserve it at times, still get to experience it. What saddens me most is the fact that the age of innocence is drastically dwindling down to the single digit age range. But this post isn't about the age of innocence. It is about the moment of change that takes us from invincibility to reality.
    I can't be too sure on when it changes, but it does, and usually we don't realize it until we look back and admire the hopes and dreams that we once held dear. We go from wanting the passionate love affair we see on the silver-screen to the stable 3 bedroom house with 2 kids. We go from wanting to travel the world in our beat-up car full of all of our belongings to wealth and status that comes from working an ungodly amount of hours at the expense of ourselves and those we love.
    The moment we go from daring and doing to fear and apprehension is the moment we lose the part of ourselves that makes life exciting. Life is exciting. It is for us to take and grapple with and destroy and build up and love and hate and conquer and fail...all with the air of "it is mine." Life is ours! The moment we see that life is full of pain and heartbreak we decide to shelter ourselves from the rest of the world. We decide to shelter ourselves because we think that we can't take anymore. But if we don't take anymore then we don't really live do we? We never truly become the vulnerable, broken, shaken-up, human that we are destined to be. And we are destined to be that person because that person is the one that looks at the first flower of spring and appreciates its beauty. That is the person that looks at the first robin of spring and appreciates its song. That is the person that after the cold, blah, gray winter sees that life will come again. And not only again...but more beautiful than ever before.

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