It's amazingly how quick I regret things, and yet I can convince anyone with flowery words that regret is the least thing we should hold against ourselves. But in the end, regret has taught me a lot of life lessons.
I try often to not do things or say things that I will regret, either in the moment or later. However, I am not always on the top of my game. And so my opening line tends to be the way I handle regret. The way it happens is I act or react and instantaneously I have a deep sense of regret.
And probably like most people the only way I can get rid of this regret is with reassurance from someone (usually the one involved or else someone I trust) that regret is the last thing I need to be shouldering. The problem...is that I have a tendency to either not trust them or doubt myself so much I can't get rid of it.
This is what happened with the ex: I screwed up, regretted, asked for forgiveness, was granted such, told by another I had no reason to have even asked for forgiveness, then carried around said regret from the first action that it in the end...made things worse.
Therein lies the reason I still sometimes have a hard time letting go. I think it is because I hate causing others pain. I hate it so much that if I have done so (and know about it) I wish to rectify the situation so much. I was speaking to a friend a few weeks ago, and we were talking about this very thing. He told me that I just had a deep sense of sensitivity towards people. I guess. I mean I don't doubt him, but I didn't realize how deep seated it really is.
I didn't realize until I hurt someone close to me and immediately I felt nauseated with myself. I couldn't believe that I had caused said hurt without knowingly doing so. Then sets in the regret. Will it go away? Hell I hope so! And soon...because I feel as though it is eating me alive. I guess it will all depend on if I can trust this person when they tell me that what I have done (evem subconsciously) is okay. All I know is that I wish to not give this dear person a reason for me to regret.
You know...sometimes I really hate being human. I love the ability to have my free will, but not when it can be misconstrued and taken as I don't wish it. It only causes pain...and I certainly don't like pain.
I try often to not do things or say things that I will regret, either in the moment or later. However, I am not always on the top of my game. And so my opening line tends to be the way I handle regret. The way it happens is I act or react and instantaneously I have a deep sense of regret.
And probably like most people the only way I can get rid of this regret is with reassurance from someone (usually the one involved or else someone I trust) that regret is the last thing I need to be shouldering. The problem...is that I have a tendency to either not trust them or doubt myself so much I can't get rid of it.
This is what happened with the ex: I screwed up, regretted, asked for forgiveness, was granted such, told by another I had no reason to have even asked for forgiveness, then carried around said regret from the first action that it in the end...made things worse.
Therein lies the reason I still sometimes have a hard time letting go. I think it is because I hate causing others pain. I hate it so much that if I have done so (and know about it) I wish to rectify the situation so much. I was speaking to a friend a few weeks ago, and we were talking about this very thing. He told me that I just had a deep sense of sensitivity towards people. I guess. I mean I don't doubt him, but I didn't realize how deep seated it really is.
I didn't realize until I hurt someone close to me and immediately I felt nauseated with myself. I couldn't believe that I had caused said hurt without knowingly doing so. Then sets in the regret. Will it go away? Hell I hope so! And soon...because I feel as though it is eating me alive. I guess it will all depend on if I can trust this person when they tell me that what I have done (evem subconsciously) is okay. All I know is that I wish to not give this dear person a reason for me to regret.
You know...sometimes I really hate being human. I love the ability to have my free will, but not when it can be misconstrued and taken as I don't wish it. It only causes pain...and I certainly don't like pain.
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