As a Catholic, I have been fortunate to not struggle with the basic fundamental things concerning my faith. I will admit that I did not want to be Catholic, until hell froze over...guess it did, but more importantly, I feel whole-heartily that I made the decision to revert to the faith with eyes open and a inquisitive mind.
Having said that...there have been some very major underlying things that I have struggled with. I can only begin to say that having people in my life that are willing to be open and honest with me concerning their life in the Church has given me hope for a good future.
If you know me at all, you know my sexual orientation and sexual lifestyle. It is one that I am open and more than happy to talk about at any given time. But even still, I have profound struggles with some teachings of the faith. I know what they are, and I agree with them. What are they?
1. NFP. Now, I know that most people don't know what this is, and perhaps have not encountered this particular practice. NFP or "Natural Family Planning" is a way to engage in sexual relations with your spouse that does not involve contraceptives of any kind. This is probably why most Catholics have large families. It is a well known fact that the Catholic Church does not condone the use of contraceptives. I get it! I do...but hell if I wanna have 15 kids the first 15 years of my marriage. No thanks!! So, I struggle with the idea of not bagging it or swallowing the pill. I am aware that I will have to have faith and trust in the entire situation when/if it arises.
2. Theology of the body. Or I guess I could specifically say (since I am not talking about the entire program of theology of the body) orgasms outside the vagina. Okay, a little raunchy, but hear me out. It has been my understanding, and this comes from not actually reading the book, that no matter what sexual activity one wishes to engage in, the moment a man climaxes he must insert object A into object B and release. Ugh...come on! Really? I don't plan to ever just engage in vaginal to penis only sex. I don't. It isn't my goal, and it isn't my desire. That being said: I don't like this!!
Why do I bring this up? Because, I do plan (maybe) to be in a committed relationship inside the sanctity of my faith, and I desire above all else to live according to the faith of which I chose. I didn't choose this faith blindly, so I knew going in what this entails. Granted, it wasn't an issue when I reverted, but it has become more and more of a thing since I have decided to seriously consider getting married.
After tonight's conversation, with a dear dear friend, I still don't have the clearest of pictures regarding these two subjects, but I feel as though I was given a modicum of reassurance that helps me to breathe a bit better. I hope she knows how much of a blessing she is to me...a struggling highly sexual being who wants to eventually/maybe enter into marriage.
This may be a little more than you ever wanted to know, but hey...we all struggle with things concerning our faith and our desire to live that faith as unabashedly as possible, so I think there is some universal truth...even if you aren't Catholic. But I am...so suck! Not suck it. More like...this kinda sucks. But yeah...I feel loads better after tonight. Thanks friend!!
Having said that...there have been some very major underlying things that I have struggled with. I can only begin to say that having people in my life that are willing to be open and honest with me concerning their life in the Church has given me hope for a good future.
If you know me at all, you know my sexual orientation and sexual lifestyle. It is one that I am open and more than happy to talk about at any given time. But even still, I have profound struggles with some teachings of the faith. I know what they are, and I agree with them. What are they?
1. NFP. Now, I know that most people don't know what this is, and perhaps have not encountered this particular practice. NFP or "Natural Family Planning" is a way to engage in sexual relations with your spouse that does not involve contraceptives of any kind. This is probably why most Catholics have large families. It is a well known fact that the Catholic Church does not condone the use of contraceptives. I get it! I do...but hell if I wanna have 15 kids the first 15 years of my marriage. No thanks!! So, I struggle with the idea of not bagging it or swallowing the pill. I am aware that I will have to have faith and trust in the entire situation when/if it arises.
2. Theology of the body. Or I guess I could specifically say (since I am not talking about the entire program of theology of the body) orgasms outside the vagina. Okay, a little raunchy, but hear me out. It has been my understanding, and this comes from not actually reading the book, that no matter what sexual activity one wishes to engage in, the moment a man climaxes he must insert object A into object B and release. Ugh...come on! Really? I don't plan to ever just engage in vaginal to penis only sex. I don't. It isn't my goal, and it isn't my desire. That being said: I don't like this!!
Why do I bring this up? Because, I do plan (maybe) to be in a committed relationship inside the sanctity of my faith, and I desire above all else to live according to the faith of which I chose. I didn't choose this faith blindly, so I knew going in what this entails. Granted, it wasn't an issue when I reverted, but it has become more and more of a thing since I have decided to seriously consider getting married.
After tonight's conversation, with a dear dear friend, I still don't have the clearest of pictures regarding these two subjects, but I feel as though I was given a modicum of reassurance that helps me to breathe a bit better. I hope she knows how much of a blessing she is to me...a struggling highly sexual being who wants to eventually/maybe enter into marriage.
This may be a little more than you ever wanted to know, but hey...we all struggle with things concerning our faith and our desire to live that faith as unabashedly as possible, so I think there is some universal truth...even if you aren't Catholic. But I am...so suck! Not suck it. More like...this kinda sucks. But yeah...I feel loads better after tonight. Thanks friend!!
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