Skip to main content

Sexual reassurance

     As a Catholic, I have been fortunate to not struggle with the basic fundamental things concerning my faith. I will admit that I did not want to be Catholic, until hell froze over...guess it did, but more importantly, I feel whole-heartily that I made the decision to revert to the faith with eyes open and a inquisitive mind. 
     Having said that...there have been some very major underlying things that I have struggled with. I can only begin to say that having people in my life that are willing to be open and honest with me concerning their life in the Church has given me hope for a good future. 
     If you know me at all, you know my sexual orientation and sexual lifestyle. It is one that I am open and more than happy to talk about at any given time. But even still, I have profound struggles with some teachings of the faith. I know what they are, and I agree with them. What are they?
    1. NFP. Now, I know that most people don't know what this is, and perhaps have not encountered this particular practice. NFP or "Natural Family Planning" is a way to engage in sexual relations with your spouse that does not involve contraceptives of any kind. This is probably why most Catholics have large families. It is a well known fact that the Catholic Church does not condone the use of contraceptives. I get it! I do...but hell if I wanna have 15 kids the first 15 years of my marriage. No thanks!! So, I struggle with the idea of not bagging it or swallowing the pill. I am aware that I will have to have faith and trust in the entire situation when/if it arises.
    2. Theology of the body. Or I guess I could specifically say (since I am not talking about the entire program of theology of the body) orgasms outside the vagina. Okay, a little raunchy, but hear me out. It has been my understanding, and this comes from not actually reading the book, that no matter what sexual activity one wishes to engage in, the moment a man climaxes he must insert object A into object B and release. Ugh...come on! Really? I don't plan to ever just engage in vaginal to penis only sex. I don't. It isn't my goal, and it isn't my desire. That being said: I don't like this!!
    Why do I bring this up? Because, I do plan (maybe) to be in a committed relationship inside the sanctity of my faith, and I desire above all else to live according to the faith of which I chose. I didn't choose this faith blindly, so I knew going in what this entails. Granted, it wasn't an issue when I reverted, but it has become more and more of a thing since I have decided to seriously consider getting married. 
     After tonight's conversation, with a dear dear friend, I still don't have the clearest of pictures regarding these two subjects, but I feel as though I was given a modicum of reassurance that helps me to breathe a bit better. I hope she knows how much of a blessing she is to me...a struggling highly sexual being who wants to eventually/maybe enter into marriage. 
     This may be a little more than you ever wanted to know, but hey...we all struggle with things concerning our faith and our desire to live that faith as unabashedly as possible, so I think there is some universal truth...even if you aren't Catholic. But I am...so suck! Not suck it. More like...this kinda sucks. But yeah...I feel loads better after tonight. Thanks friend!!

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

The sun will come out...when?

   I could have really used the sun today. You know that feeling between being in an okay mood and being in a not so okay mood? Well, I am there. And, I know for a fact that the sun would have pushed me to the side of okay...or maybe even taken me to great. No sun today. Just grey, blah weather. I hate it! It makes me doubt things. It makes me create things in my mind. It makes me think of the demeantors breeding bad juju.    I need the sun. Today has been more of a blah day than I have experienced in a long while. The weather isn't just hazy, I have become haze. The weather isn't just dank. I have become dank. The weather isn't just cold. I have become cold. So much so that the phone I answer at work would better serve me if thrown through the window in front of me. So much so that the cell phone I keep in touch with my friends would better serve me if broken.     SAD: seasonal affective disorder. I think most people know what this is...

What is love? Baby, I'm hurting...I'm hurting...🎶🎶

  Early last week was bad for white boy. He was injured and is probably left with a broken foot. Now, he hasn't been to the doctor and continues to walk and work and do all the things. He continues to also piss me off because he hasn't gone. Granted, I tend to be stubborn too, but if that would have happened to me and my foot looked like that, I would have been at the doctor's office first thing in the morning.   Having said that, that is all I can think about in the back of my mind. How much he is in pain and how much it sucks. I can't fix it, but I can get irritated and semi-yell at him for not going to have it checked out. Guess that's how I cope. I love him, but damn is it frustrating.   Sometimes I wonder how people show love. Sometimes I wonder if people show love in grandiose ways or if the subtlety of love is what is true love. Sure, I mean when he proposed that was a good indicator that he loves me. When I said yes is also a good indicator that I love him...

3000 miles...

      ...and I am exhausted. Just a little over an hour and a half ago, I reached 3000 miles on my trip, and as I sit here in this hotel room, in Fort Stockton, TX, I am realizing how tired I am. Isn't vacation supposed to be refreshing and relaxing? Yet, I feel neither. I feel as though I am running on fumes, like my car was moments ago before I gave her a drink.       I spent that last hour thinking about all the things I have done, all the people I have seen, all the wonderful food I have eaten, and I realize I am so blessed. I have everything I need and all the love and support a person could ask for, and because of that, I am truly blessed.       It took everything in my power to turn on my computer and type this, so this post is uber short. But, I wanted to thank everyone, thus far, who has extended a gracious hand to host me and be there for me in just a manner to show me love. I love each and everyone of you. (I am sure this will no...