"Getting older's not been on my plans"

   I really really dis-like generalizations. I do understand that in today's society, we generalize almost as often as we breathe, and sometimes I wonder if we even think before we speak. I have come across, myself included, generalizing about a group of people, and then trying to backpedal, only to have myself dig a bigger hole before I started talking.    ISIS...All Moslems agree with ISIS, and want to hurt Americans, and especially infidels: those who don't believe in the "one true faith." Yeah...no. This wasn't ever something I thought twice about til I began dating a Moslem. Shocked? Yeah, well a lot of people are. But, now when I hear things of this nature, it hurts me. It hurts me because I know how abhorrently wrong this statement truly is. I know for a fact that the Moslem I am dating, is kind and generous and an amazing man who is passionate about his faith, you know...the faith that believes there is no one as benevolent as the Almighty God.    Pedoph

   I haven't written in a while, but for good reason. Been busy. And, even though it doesn't ever take hours to jot down a few thoughts and feelings, I feel that if I were to write it wouldn't be nice. I was able to take the bf down to Dallas to meet some of my good friends, and he and I had a great time. It was nice to see friends that I don't get to often. I am blessed to have friends that open up their hearts and lives to me and him.    I did get to attend my first ever trebuchet event. One word...interesting. I mean, the nerdiest of the nerdiest make these ginormous contraptions that end up throwing 10-15 pound pumpkins around 230 feet. Pretty impressive. I do not even being to have the engineering ability to build something like that. I was amused.    But alas...back at home, and enjoying the down time that has been an emotional roller coaster for the last month. Perhaps it is all self-inflicted, but it has been a ride. Not all good, not all bad. I am eagerly loo

   I have a confession: I have always been jealous of people with drug or hyper-sexual backgrounds who have accepted their lifestyle. Why? Because for sometime, even if it was a short time, lived the life I have secretly craved.    Sometimes, when I read or hear of someone who has lived a lifestyle that although brings nothing but heartache in the end, I get jealous. Simply because I think there is a part of us, maybe just me, that craves the lifestyle of pleasure. It is what makes us basic humans. We seek happiness...we get happiness from pleasure, and the basic needs of pleasure according to basic human needs are sex and food. I suppose I could be slightly referencing Maslow's hierarchy of needs. I know I mentioned drugs, but did can got a short time bring pleasure.     But still...I am not denying that a life full of meaningless sex is the only true pleasure or that elicit drug use is harmless and fun all the time. What I am saying is a part of me craves the ability to forge

  As I sat down on the grass before this unassuming building, I placed my cell phone next to me on silent. Between putting my phone down and lifting up my hands to grasp them together, I saw a small green caterpillar...no bigger than one of my freckles crawling across my knuckle.    I was here to pray, not to play with bugs, and as I gathered air into my lungs to blow away this tiny bug, I stopped. Here I was, in front of the only abortive clinic in Tulsa, fulfilling an hour of prayer I signed up for weeks prior, playing with a bug. But it wasn't just a bug.    Most people know how sensitive I am toward living things. From the largest animal to the smallest green caterpillar, I am a huge proponent of keeping life sacred and alive. I know that some consider me a hypocrite for eating meat when I so desire all animals to live long and healthy lives, but I suppose that they should know...I would never kill an animal. I have mo desire nor the need.    Having said that, I understand t

   I do understand now, in my older age, why St. Paul said that the greatest of these three (faith, hope, and love) is love. I remember sitting with my brother at Shakey's in Broken Arrow, and we were eating our frozen custard talking about love. I don't specifically remember if I was crying, or if I was just confused. Growing up, I never lacked to hear the words I love you from my family. We were always one to throw out an " I love you"  and make sure that the others knew it.    But, as we sat there...I was confused until Andy explained that people love in different ways. I was first then introduced to the 5 love languages . Most all evangelical Christians from this part of the country will know immediately of what I speak. If you have never read the book...read it! It is worth the time. Basically, it explains that there are 5 ways that people show love and want love: gifts, quality time, acts of service, words of affirmation, and physical touch.    It was that n

   My brother once told me that the most selfish thing a person can do is hope. After I asked him to explain this, I clearly understood. Hope...the one thing that I can't do for anyone else. Sure, often we say: "I hope the best for you, or I hope that you get better." But in the end...those are just sentimental words that don't actually do anything. I must admit that I am guilty of this very thing. Often do I say, "I hope that you..." (fill in the blank)    But hope is the one thing that we can truly only do for ourselves. It is the most selfish thing we can do. And the good thing about this is that it is not a unholy selfishness but a righteous one. The opposite of hope is despair, and in today's society I find that most of what we encounter is despair. A disparaging attitude of humanity. And how sad. Many times have I been in a crisis of hope, and many times do I come out of that crisis with a new found attitude of triumph and gratitude.    I think t

   My brother always told me that we will at any given point in our lives have a crisis. And in those crises they will manifest themselves in one of three ways...faith, hope, or love. He told me that even when we think we are out of the woods with the crisis we will encounter another, and when we think that we have one figured out and we are on to the next, it may come up years later.    Faith...I think that we all have this crisis. I was raised in a Christian home, going to church on a very consistent basis: Sunday morning, Sunday night, and Wednesday night. There was never a question where my family was at these times. My family has always been connected with the ministry in some form or fashion. It was what it was...I knew nothing different.    But as I grew up, I began to question my Christianity and my faith. I remember having this very distinct thought walking down the halls of the American Red Cross, "I don't think that a non-Christian would listen to Christian music

   I think we all have them. Those moments that we decide in one instant that we can't take it any longer or things just don't matter like they did...yeah, we all have those. I have a ton of them. But most of mine go under the radar.    Just recently, I made a decision to do something I had never thought I would...ever, and without taking a long drawn out process of evaluating the situation, I did it. And I have no regrets. I thought I would, but I don't. And that got me thinking...the only reason why I didn't regret the situation, was because I had known all along what my reaction would be if I made this particular choice.    Btw...the thing I chose isn't that grandiose or worth talking about, but it launched within me this idea of breaking points. Yes...yes...this sounds so ranty, but it isn't. Trust me. Okay, we all know that the person who knows us most in life is ourselves, and if we are healthy human beings we have taken the time to get to know ourselves

   The moment I started dating, I was 27. Yeah...I know uber late in life. But I learned to be one thing, or at least I thought I did: how to be a good friend. I was always the friend who was never with someone. I was forever the single one. A lot of times, I was the third wheel, but I never felt like it. My friends, those who I spend most of my time with, never made me feel out of place or like I didn't belong.    I was and am blessed to have amazing friends. I was always accepted and wanted, and I was always around. When I started dating the ex ex, I spent less time with my friends and more time with the dude. It is the natural process of things, and as I look back I didn't bring him around my friends because I wasn't sure how to integrate my two worlds. It was difficult. Then, when I started dating the ex, I knew that I wanted my friends to become his. I wanted to be a couple in the mix of my friends. I wanted to have someone to share these experiences with...only prob

   I think I might need to apologize. Somewhere in the past, I have been guilty of bringing judgement on people's definition of God...and i know now how wrong I was. I do, however, want to explain what exactly I mean. Because, there is a line that must be drawn as to what exactly God, in a His divine nature, is.    I think that most monotheistic faiths (okay the three monotheistic faiths) can agree that God is one thing...love. If we start there, then we can begin to look at the attributes of God. Tonight, in RCIA, we spoke about the nature of God the Father in the Old Testament. Most people, with some modicum of scriptural knowledge, know that God presents Himself in many ways. In Genesis, we have Creator. In Jeremiah, we have Jealous Lover. In Isaiah, we have Ultimate Reality.    These very different expressions of the One God, are not wrong nor right in their manifestations to us. In fact, God is manifested to us at different times in our lives in different ways. As we spoke

   I think I might be a closeted introvert. Most of the time, I am comfortable with being active and on the go, but it doesn't rejuvenate me. The only thing that rejuvenates me is being alone and by myself.    When I was younger, this was much more pronounced. I would get to the point where I would lock myself into my room and recoup for several days. I had to have personal time. It alone was my sanity. Well, after several full days of good friends and fun i am ready to once again pull into myself. I need healing.     How do I know I need this? First of all, if you don't know your body and mind by the age of 29 then there is something seriously wrong. Second, the signs are blaring...I first recognized the feeling when i texted the bf and instead of being excited to talk to him tonight, I was resenting the phone call that I was excited for just 4 hours earlier. It perpetuated with the feeling of complete exhaustion and an impending sadness.     It's in these introspective

   On the way to Dallas, I had an opportunity to talk to a dear friend about this very subject: love the sinner; hate the sin. And he said something that has always rang true with me, "I despise that statement." I concur.    I have searched for a scripture that gives us those exact words in that exact order...I can't find it. In Romans 12:9 it says, "Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good." But where in that scripture does it say anything about it being about a person, or someone else's situation.    All my life I have heard this statement, and never has it ever made me feel at peace. Because usually when it is spoken it is uttered out of judgement. There is no way that we can utter that statement without a modicum of judgement. Sure, we may say we aren't judging people, but we are. And we all know how I feel about judgment.    What I find most interesting and sad, is the when I do hear this it usually comes out of the mout

   I always knew what the conscience was. I have never been one to not listen to mine, but sometimes, things can become gray and it gets harder and harder with the frivolous noise in the world to listen to our conscience.    Tonight, in RCIA, our speaker was presenting on moral theology. (A personal favorite topic of mine) And he mentioned that there are 3 levels of knowledge. The first is natural instinct. The second is personal conscience, self-determining right from wrong, and the third was "who are we listening to?"    At the end of class, I posed a question concerning what might be considered a "mortal" sin. First of all, what is a mortal sin...a mortal sin is something that is of grave matter, done in full knowledge, and with full consent. Now, if someone, knowing that a particular matter is of grave matter, and does it with full consent, yet truly in their heart believes it to be okay or morally acceptable is this a mortal sin?    His answer...at the end o