"Getting older's not been on my plans"

"And I've come to pour my praise on Him like oil..." " My son , do you believe that you are truly called by God and his Church to this priesthood?"    Tonight, we celebrated two beautiful things: the blessing of the oils and the renewing of the priestly vows to celibacy and obedience. This was one of my brother's favorite masses, and mine as well. I love seeing all the priests of the diocese up on the altar, after renewing their promise to the Church and the bishop, concelibrating the Mass. It is a beautiful example of the lives these men have given for their community and the Church.    Tonight, the bishop blessed the oils we use in the anointing of the sick, the anointing of the Catechumens for baptism, and the anointing of the priests/deacons at ordination and those who come into the faith. Three sacraments with these sacramentals. What beauty!      In the early church, the Christians would use olive oil for many purposes, and in scripture, we have

Holy Week      "What is your favorite holiday?" someone once asked me. "Christmas, 4th of July, Thanksgiving?" It wasn't hard to answer no to all of those. My answer was, "Passion week, holy week, hebdomas sancta." This week...this week is my favorite. This week, 8 years ago, changed my world. It was 8 years, yesterday, I made my first confession. It was 8 years ago, I experienced my first holy week. Now, this year, I get to experience it from a whole new perspective: as director of RCIA.    "When we change a part of ourselves, we become an advocate of that change..." I am blessed to have become an advocate for the one thing that gives my life the most meaning. I am blessed to get to experience this week as not just a Christian girl becoming Catholic, or even just as a Catholic. I get to experience it as a leader. Someone who, although has failed considerably in her work, still loves her faith. It has been my honor to get ready for t

   She had fire engine red hair, and the moment my mother laid eyes on her she knew we would be friends. We were, for a long time. But, she was mess. She was a complete fucked up mess and when we stopped talking after 9 years of friendship she was still a mess. In the beginning, the way she was made sense. She came from a completely broken family full of mistrust, abandonment, sexual abuse, verbal abuse, drug abuse, alcohol abuse, and every other messed up thing that could happen to a person.     It would be a long hard road for her, but I never stopped standing by her side. Although 6 years older than me, she and I became like sisters. We never lacked of intimate conversation or want of trust. We were polar opposites, but we got along very well.     And, to this day, I still don't know why we stopped talking. She had this problem with family and friends, and when they would not call her up and ask about her life and instead dump on her their own problems...she would slowly dump

  No boys were hurt in the taking of this photo, and carrots in the nose were under complete supervision. (Carrots not the boys) =P       I remember coming back from a trip to San Diego with these boys, their sisters, and their parents with this thought, "I want to be a mom." For the first time, 2 years ago almost to the day, I realized I wanted kids. I didn't care if I was married or if I did it alone. In fact, I was more eager to have kids than I was to get married. I texted my best friend, told my mom, and had a complete feeling of peace toward the idea of motherhood. These past 10 days, I got my chance.    Here we are 2 years later with those same boys, but not with their parents...completely alone. I will admit that the experience, in my head, was exciting. In reality, the idea was frightening. I had only ever taken care of myself and my dog for a long period of time. Well, I have dogsat before, but dogs are easier. These were two small non-furry creatur

   *sigh* Okay, I think I am ready. I think my heart has reset and slowed down just a bit even though it knows that things are not going to be the same for the next month. My best friend and part of her family left for England/Paris today. So, where does that leave the other part? With me =) I have procured 2 kids, 2 dogs, 2 cats, a house, and some fish. Damn... I think I might be a little over my head.     But, with help, I won't be doing it alone. There must be something said for someone who is willing to hang out with you everyday. Call it relationship building, or call it what you want, it doesn't matter. What matters is that since I have since procured said large estate for the next 10 days, I don't have to worry, from his mouth, that I will be left to my own devices. It is odd really. I believe that if I were still with brown boy I wouldn't see him for 10 days, but that could just be an assumption, albeit a legitimate one.      However, this time, I am not alone

    I guess you could say my personality is cannibalistic. I tend to feed off of human cues. This has always given me the ability to be a human chameleon and to adapt somewhat smoothly in any situation. What this does entail is that I will then hide myself from my true self at times. I will put what I want on the back burner if I know that it is not going to be accepted with open arms. I know this makes me sound like a selfless and endearing person...      It makes me closed off. It makes me build walls that are completely unnecessary so that I will protect my heart from continual or future heartbreak. There was a moment, almost a year and a half ago, where I was lying with him and he told me that if we continued the way we were going someone was going to get hurt, and that that somebody was probably going to be me. I started to build a wall. I casually, but heartbroken, told him that I wouldn't let him hurt me til I gained the ability to hurt back.      In that instant, I had be

   I could have really used the sun today. You know that feeling between being in an okay mood and being in a not so okay mood? Well, I am there. And, I know for a fact that the sun would have pushed me to the side of okay...or maybe even taken me to great. No sun today. Just grey, blah weather. I hate it! It makes me doubt things. It makes me create things in my mind. It makes me think of the demeantors breeding bad juju.    I need the sun. Today has been more of a blah day than I have experienced in a long while. The weather isn't just hazy, I have become haze. The weather isn't just dank. I have become dank. The weather isn't just cold. I have become cold. So much so that the phone I answer at work would better serve me if thrown through the window in front of me. So much so that the cell phone I keep in touch with my friends would better serve me if broken.     SAD: seasonal affective disorder. I think most people know what this is. I have never thought I was driven s

    The strongest trigger of memories is smell. The olfactory sense is connected to the parts of the brain, such as: amygdala and the hippocampus which are directly connected to emotion. While learning this in school, long time back, I couldn't quite believe that sight and sound were not stronger triggers. However, I was proven wrong one day I was with my family at the Long John Silvers. I had to use the bathroom, and as I opened the door, I was smacked with a smell I hadn't smelt in 11 years? And, in an instant, I was taken back to my father cleaning floors for the Catholic church in Plano, TX.     As I was driving during lunch today, I had the window cracked, the wind was coming through slightly, the smell of rain was slightly on the wind, and the song Divine Romance came playing through my playlist. I was immediatly taken back to the time of Lent the year I came into the Church. A song, a smell, and the look of the clouds were fast transporting.     So many things transpor

    I sometimes realize how much fear I still carry around with me. Sometimes I think that I am completely past the fear that engages my mind, and then I am hit with something that draws me back so forcefully that I feel all the air being dragged from my lungs.     It happened tonight. I was talking with my mother about the things in my life and where I feel my life is heading, and she thought that perhaps there was a negative outside force in the means of my ex being something that was bringing negativity or abrasion into my life. I immediately reassured her that it wasn't so.     But, I told her there was something else...and I fear it is my doing entirely. My fear...being a bookmark. When I was younger, I always wanted a bookmark for the book I was reading. Whether it be a new one or something significant I used to mark the page of which I was currently on. Now days I use a pen or pencil to mark said book.     Which means that I still use something to mark my spot. My fear is