"Getting older's not been on my plans"

  After just celebrating the death of my brother, 4 days later I get to celebrate the birth of the man who has stolen my heart. The one who placed the ring on my finger and pledged his forever to me, Justin Garner.   I am pretty sure that I never thought I would say yes to spend the rest of my life to someone who irritates me to no end. I never thought I would say yes to spend the rest of my life with someone who makes me think this world has nothing on us. I never thought I would say yes to spend the rest of my life with someone who loves me flaws and all.   But this is less about me and more about the heart that beats inside his chest: honest. It is more about the character he portrays to the world: genuine. It is more about the personality that drives me wild: kind.   I am so blessed to have found the one who will be at the end of the aisle waiting for me. I love you, white boy...more than yesterday but certainly not as much as tomorrow. Stick with me, keep forgiving me, continue

  "Today the most amazing person I ever knew... I love you so much, Andy. My friend, my best friend, my brother...see you later."   The last few time an anniversary comes around that has to do with Andy, his birthday or death day, I get quiet. I used to need to be around friends and toast him with those that held me up higher than my demons. Now, I like the quiet that comes with being alone with his memory.   6 years ago, I sat in my living room surrounded by family and friends telling tales of his memory to perhaps bring some warm sense of comfort to the lot of us. Tonight, I sit at home...alone. I am exhausted, but not because I carry the heavy grief of his death with me today above others. No, I carry that always; however, it has ceased to be so heavy. It is an occasional dullness that resonates with my day-to-day life. I am exhausted because this weekend I took my fiancé to visit his grave. And it was truly a special moment.   The last time I visited his grave, I was d