"Getting older's not been on my plans"

  We stood outside a bar in Manhattan dodging the rain, talking about what day we wanted to get married. Just 1 day after he dropped to his knee and asked me to marry him, we were "planning" our distant future wedding. It was a year ago he asked. It is 39 days till we say we do.    About a month ago, he and I were talking about love and how much we had for the other. We spoke about when and how we fell in love. He told me he loved me long before he told me that October day standing on the edge of the canyon. I told him that yes, I did love him, but it wasn't until much later that I fell "in love" with him.    In fact, I didn't truly believe of being "in love" till about 6 months ago. He asked me if I was in love with him when he asked for my hand. I told him no. He asked me why I said yes to his proposal. I said that I truly believed my feelings were as deep as they would ever get. For anyone. How wrong I was.   I remember sitting at home watc

  I am very close. One step closer and all will come tumbling down. A subtle puff of wind and it will topple. The tunnel vision...the black stars...the muffled sounds...all signs of imminent imploding.   Several years back, I watched a TV show with the most brilliant concept. A young girl, who recently had gone through something traumatic, was relieving stress in a room built for destruction. She stood behind a counter with a stack of cheap, glass plates. You know, the ones that you can buy for a dollar to be every day use. And she threw them. She threw them against the wall and let it go. She was able to destroy before it destroyed her.   Stress rears its ugly head in many forms and different ways in different people. In me? It presents itself as lack of patience, immediate need for seclusion, sudden leakage of eyes (some call this crying), overwhelming desire to tear out of my skin, and the paralyzing need to break...everything. I tend to get short with those that are close to me,