Skip to main content

Finally moving on

      I could and probably did say that I had moved on from the ex when I told him I couldn't wait for him any longer. It was a moment that I had grown to expect would happen for a few months, but I knew that I wasn't ready. I wasn't ready because I was in love with this man. But I knew that it would happen when on more than one occasion I would cry myself to sleep. I was in more pain than I was love. 
       But I guess I hadn't. Until now. I am ready to finally move on. Now, whether that is because of someone one else ready to take that place or I am just in a better place all together, I don't know. All I know is that I am no longer bound by that pain or love. I still love the ex. I will always love the ex. I love him enough to want what is best for him and that he gets all he wants out of life. But I am not in love with him. In fact, I am not in love with him anymore that if he landed on my door step I would refuse him. Not because I am a harsh person, but because I love myself more than I love the pain.
       I know that I am not going to overcome the obstacle that is the rainbow, but I know that I have gotten past the obstacle that was a broken heart. Did it have to happen? Perhaps. Perhaps it did so that I am more myself and more aware of what I can and cannot give someone. I am more aware of my flaws and that I am more human now than I have been before.
      So...cheers. Cheers for being able to gain back the heart I gave away.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Arithmetic of Purpose

   By nature, humans will, at one point in their life, ask the question, "For what purpose? Why am I here? What am I meant to do?" Okay, maybe they will ask themselves more than 1 question...but at least around the same theme. "Who am I, and why am I here?" It is built in our very DNA. Growing up, I didn't ask this often. I had a loving family who went with the current. Who I was and why I was here was bound up in my place in my family of 4. I was comfy. I was loved. I was secure. But alas...the question presented itself.   I first asked myself this question walking down the streets of Rome. I was alone, I was 21, and I was lost. I had just finished AmeriCorps and felt like I wanted something, but wasn't sure what that was. I had found my faith, at last, and realized that perhaps I wanted to be a bigger part of the Church collective. I felt meaning to my nothingness. I went home with direction. I graduated from college, finally, and started grad school to be
Post a Comment
Read more

The sun will come out...when?

   I could have really used the sun today. You know that feeling between being in an okay mood and being in a not so okay mood? Well, I am there. And, I know for a fact that the sun would have pushed me to the side of okay...or maybe even taken me to great. No sun today. Just grey, blah weather. I hate it! It makes me doubt things. It makes me create things in my mind. It makes me think of the demeantors breeding bad juju.    I need the sun. Today has been more of a blah day than I have experienced in a long while. The weather isn't just hazy, I have become haze. The weather isn't just dank. I have become dank. The weather isn't just cold. I have become cold. So much so that the phone I answer at work would better serve me if thrown through the window in front of me. So much so that the cell phone I keep in touch with my friends would better serve me if broken.     SAD: seasonal affective disorder. I think most people know what this is. I have never thought I was driven s
Post a Comment
Read more

Used to but not anymore

       I used to have this friend. It was a friendship that was uncomplicated and never required a lot of personal struggle. I never felt uncomfortable or as though I had to compromise myself. It was a friendship of true honesty and sincerity, and I miss it.         Oddly enough, I have these moments that I imagine my entire life ending. Just stopping. And as I ponder on where I am and who I am around and who would be affected, I think of this friend. Probably because they aren't around anymore. I think that perhaps they aren't around to help me cope with the things I encounter on a daily basis. Odd, you say? Eh, if you knew them, you wouldn't think so.         I honestly can't remember the first time I met this person. I was very young, and never imagined that we would grow as close as we did. It was perhaps a friendship forged in similar tastes and loves. We loved to banter about religion and philosophy and literature...okay, maybe not when we were younger, but we d
2 comments
Read more