Skip to main content

Finally moving on

      I could and probably did say that I had moved on from the ex when I told him I couldn't wait for him any longer. It was a moment that I had grown to expect would happen for a few months, but I knew that I wasn't ready. I wasn't ready because I was in love with this man. But I knew that it would happen when on more than one occasion I would cry myself to sleep. I was in more pain than I was love. 
       But I guess I hadn't. Until now. I am ready to finally move on. Now, whether that is because of someone one else ready to take that place or I am just in a better place all together, I don't know. All I know is that I am no longer bound by that pain or love. I still love the ex. I will always love the ex. I love him enough to want what is best for him and that he gets all he wants out of life. But I am not in love with him. In fact, I am not in love with him anymore that if he landed on my door step I would refuse him. Not because I am a harsh person, but because I love myself more than I love the pain.
       I know that I am not going to overcome the obstacle that is the rainbow, but I know that I have gotten past the obstacle that was a broken heart. Did it have to happen? Perhaps. Perhaps it did so that I am more myself and more aware of what I can and cannot give someone. I am more aware of my flaws and that I am more human now than I have been before.
      So...cheers. Cheers for being able to gain back the heart I gave away.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Beneath the Weeping Willow

  "The willow submits to the wind and prospers until one day it is many willows—a wall against the wind. This is the willow's purpose." —  Frank Herbert, Dune   Time, although a very evasive concept, is in each moment a gift. And most often, I don't stop to look back at the road I have traveled on. Even more so, the road Justin and I have travelled together. But today it is warranted. Today marks 9 years as husband and wife, and 9 years of truly some amazing and adverse moments. We have lost the most cherished and birthed the most loved all the while interwoven with each other.    I will be the first to admit that our day to day appears to some: mundane. However, inside the ordinary he and I together have understood the profundity of love. It is brash and loud, but it is also cautious and quiet.  "Love is a many splendored thing."  It is the true basis of community, and I am proud of the community we have built.   The  willow  is the t...

Being his girlfriend

"Are you happy being my girlfriend?" He asks. In all seriousness. In all honesty. He asks. Never once have I been asked such a damned difficult question. Never once have I been asked that slight simple question. Never once have I been asked THAT question.   Immediately, my head goes a thousand different directions. I want to give him the most honest answer. But lately I feel as though I am trying to quantity my happiness. Yes. I. Am. Happy. But what is happiness? Am I? Can I honestly say that I am happy? I don't know.   Before I make an ass out of myself, I must say this: not one time in the history of Aly and men has she ever felt like her significant other was shelter. You know that line from Finding Nemo where Dory says to Marlin, "When I look at you, I remember. When I look at you, I am home." That's the way I feel when I am in his arms. Home. Perhaps it best not to tell him such a bold thought, but it's true.   Back to this question. Am I happy b...

One year ago...for what greater good

  I sometimes enjoy the way Facebook reminds me of what I posted from years past. This year, at this time makes it a bit difficult since I am reminded more and more of Andy. But, this morning, as I opened up the "you have memories to look back on" notification, I read my blog post from this time last year. May 2nd, last year, I walked away from "the one my heart had fallen in love with." It was a pivotal moment in my life, not just because I was walking, but because more importantly, I was opening up myself for something better. I was walking away from pain and walking towards my true self.   "I just want to be loved and love in return. It is the story in all of us. But, when do we decide who gets that love? I am amazed at how easy it is to find the 'love' we think we want..." Quite a poignant opening statement. I was in pain. I was completely ready for more. I just wasn't sure where to find it. I always knew I was meant for a greater good, an...