Skip to main content

Finally moving on

      I could and probably did say that I had moved on from the ex when I told him I couldn't wait for him any longer. It was a moment that I had grown to expect would happen for a few months, but I knew that I wasn't ready. I wasn't ready because I was in love with this man. But I knew that it would happen when on more than one occasion I would cry myself to sleep. I was in more pain than I was love. 
       But I guess I hadn't. Until now. I am ready to finally move on. Now, whether that is because of someone one else ready to take that place or I am just in a better place all together, I don't know. All I know is that I am no longer bound by that pain or love. I still love the ex. I will always love the ex. I love him enough to want what is best for him and that he gets all he wants out of life. But I am not in love with him. In fact, I am not in love with him anymore that if he landed on my door step I would refuse him. Not because I am a harsh person, but because I love myself more than I love the pain.
       I know that I am not going to overcome the obstacle that is the rainbow, but I know that I have gotten past the obstacle that was a broken heart. Did it have to happen? Perhaps. Perhaps it did so that I am more myself and more aware of what I can and cannot give someone. I am more aware of my flaws and that I am more human now than I have been before.
      So...cheers. Cheers for being able to gain back the heart I gave away.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

A goodbye love letter to you...

  I sat across from my dad at lunch, yesterday, and asked him, "Do you know what tomorrow is?" He said, "Yeah. 1 year." And his eyes grew damp. "I'll never forget walking into that room..." He didn't continue. I didn't ask him to. "I'll never forget the police officer banging on my door at 1130 at night..." I didn't continue. He didn't ask me to.  "This journal was given to me several years ago by my children. I know they wanted me to write down my thoughts to get through the rough times I was going through at the time. I did not start this at that time. Why am I starting it now? Well, I only thought I had been through hell back then, but now I realize I didn't have any idea what heartache was until Aug 15, 2010 -"   This is the beginning of one of my mother's journals. A journal she started a little over a month after Andy died. And she wrote it--to him.  "Dear Mother - Today is the day before Mothe...
Post a Comment
Read more

Arithmetic of Purpose

   By nature, humans will, at one point in their life, ask the question, "For what purpose? Why am I here? What am I meant to do?" Okay, maybe they will ask themselves more than 1 question...but at least around the same theme. "Who am I, and why am I here?" It is built in our very DNA. Growing up, I didn't ask this often. I had a loving family who went with the current. Who I was and why I was here was bound up in my place in my family of 4. I was comfy. I was loved. I was secure. But alas...the question presented itself.   I first asked myself this question walking down the streets of Rome. I was alone, I was 21, and I was lost. I had just finished AmeriCorps and felt like I wanted something, but wasn't sure what that was. I had found my faith, at last, and realized that perhaps I wanted to be a bigger part of the Church collective. I felt meaning to my nothingness. I went home with direction. I graduated from college, finally, and started grad school to be...
Post a Comment
Read more

3000 miles...

      ...and I am exhausted. Just a little over an hour and a half ago, I reached 3000 miles on my trip, and as I sit here in this hotel room, in Fort Stockton, TX, I am realizing how tired I am. Isn't vacation supposed to be refreshing and relaxing? Yet, I feel neither. I feel as though I am running on fumes, like my car was moments ago before I gave her a drink.       I spent that last hour thinking about all the things I have done, all the people I have seen, all the wonderful food I have eaten, and I realize I am so blessed. I have everything I need and all the love and support a person could ask for, and because of that, I am truly blessed.       It took everything in my power to turn on my computer and type this, so this post is uber short. But, I wanted to thank everyone, thus far, who has extended a gracious hand to host me and be there for me in just a manner to show me love. I love each and everyone of you. (I am sure this will no...
Post a Comment
Read more