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Where is Dr. Leo Marvin when you need him?

      Baby steps. A fantastic fictional book written by none other than Dr. Leo Marvin. Dr. Marvin is a successful psychotherapist who delightfully put into a single volume all that I try to avoid in life...taking baby steps. I don't have time for baby steps. I am getting old; my eggs are getting old; my dog is getting old; my parent's are getting old. I think you get the picture. 
       Okay, this post has nothing to do with Dr. Leo Marvin, or baby steps (or maybe it does) I just love that movie, and I want to get a goldfish named Gill that I can wear around my neck. But that is beside the point. The point is that I am getting older, and even though I acknowledge this fact, this week I have also acknowledged that I am still a bratty teenager at times. I have this auto-pilot button that when engaged I act like a freaking child.
        I can't say I was surprised that I encountered this side of myself, it isn't something that came sneaking up behind me and raped my personality making it something different entirely. No, I am very aware of this part of myself. But...what I did that was different (baby steps if you will) was counteract it. I decided, instead of avoiding the situation and a particular person, I would confront the truth, confront my feelings and the inability to make something out of nothing, and act like a "bonafide" adult.
       It sucked...at first. I made it through, granted, only with the help of the person on the other end of the line. All this to say, that I am going to say something so very cliche, and you are just gonna have to deal. "I am still learning about myself even at this stage in my life." I almost didn't want to write about this, because it is a universal truth that we will always continue to learn about ourselves, and how we conduct ourselves in particular situations; however, it still surprises me when I do something I wouldn't normally do. Like when I sit in the left hand turn lane, and the cars are stacking up behind me. What I normally do is turn right and go the long way around to avoid the thought of someone behind hating me. This week...I waited and turned left. It was rough. I made it, but still...the point is that I did something I don't normally do and it paid off. I made it home just a little earlier. =)
       Cliche as it sounds, I am still learning about myself. I will always continue to learn about myself. I pray that I never stop learning about myself. I think I am realizing that one doesn't have to leave the homestead to find out exactly who they are. It is about baby stepping out of one's comfort zone into the great mysterious to realize and analyze. 
        I am a mystery...I am unpredictable...I am a force. And I love me. (Geez, that was uber shameless) Whateves. Perhaps my next baby step is humility. =/

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