How odd when you come across someone who is more lost than yourself. I always kind of imagined that I was a little sailboat in the midst of a grand ocean. Not necessarily lost, but just adrift waiting to either land or just find what comes next. One of my motto songs has always been David Gray’s “Gathering Dust.” The opening lines:
I got no reason/ but that I must/ maybe I feel
like I've been gathering dust/ I must leave this harbour for the sea
I`m too young to settle down and make a home/ but I don`t know where I`m wanting to be
I just know I have to be there alone
I always connected with this idea of leaving the security of my everything and setting sail. But as I find that I am coming to another harbor or perhaps an island of adventure, I feel secure. So how odd that I encounter someone who is so much more lost than me. I find it sad, but something I can’t help. I was born in the month of July, a Cancer, and apparently I am one of those emotional caring type of people...which isn’t exactly false, but I feel like I have spent so long trying to care for others that are broken.
When this person told me of their issues and how they would love to share them with me if only I could help them figure themselves out, I got a little distant. Listen, I am trying to figure out my own self, I can’t try to fix you too. Not that we all can’t use someone in our lives to help deal with the vast randomness that bounces around in our brain, but we can learn to cope with ourselves. If not, there is medicine for that...and I am not that medicine.
We are all a little lost. We are all struggling with our own reality. We all wake up and have fleeting moments of undecidedness, and those that don’t are just fooling themselves. None of us are put together in a perfect harmonious manner. It just isn’t life. Life is a bitch! And she will prove to us that we are nothing short of a mosaic of broken hearts and minds. But, we can use that mosaic as a piece of something worthy of our Maker, or even something worthy of our own selves.
I don’t nor have I ever claimed to be unlost. That’s just ridiculous, but the more I am around my friends and family I am constantly reminded that there is a harbor of which I set sail from and a safe place to return to. It isn’t losing when we have to turn around and take refuge in what we know. It is human and necessary. I guess what I am realizing is that the harbor of which we set sail from isn’t always the harbor that will always be there. The sands shift, relationships come and go, family dies and we find ourselves facing or taking refuge in another harbor.
It is okay. It is life. It is growth. Unlike David Gray’s song, and my old mentality: I don’t want to be there alone anymore. I think I am ready to find another person to set sail with me. Oh, believe me I have tried and am trying, it just isn’t as that easy. I just have to make sure that I keep that Lighthouse forever in my mind’s eye. For in the darkest of nights, when the storms are raging I am going to need a safe place to dwell.
I hope this person finds the answers and hope they need. It is not me, but perhaps it isn’t anyone but themselves and their Maker. Anyway...sail away friends and be blessed!
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