Skip to main content

We're all a little lost

How odd when you come across someone who is more lost than yourself. I always kind of imagined that I was a little sailboat in the midst of a grand ocean. Not necessarily lost, but just adrift waiting to either land or just find what comes next. One of my motto songs has always been David Gray’s “Gathering Dust.” The opening lines:
I got no reason/ but that I must/ maybe I feel
like I've been gathering dust/ I must leave this harbour for the sea
I`m too young to settle down and make a home/ but I don`t know where I`m wanting to be
I just know I have to be there alone
I always connected with this idea of leaving the security of my everything and setting sail. But as I find that I am coming to another harbor or perhaps an island of adventure, I feel secure. So how odd that I encounter someone who is so much more lost than me. I find it sad, but something I can’t help. I was born in the month of July, a Cancer, and apparently I am one of those emotional caring type of people...which isn’t exactly false, but I feel like I have spent so long trying to care for others that are broken.
When this person told me of their issues and how they would love to share them with me if only I could help them figure themselves out, I got a little distant. Listen, I am trying to figure out my own self, I can’t try to fix you too. Not that we all can’t use someone in our lives to help deal with the vast randomness that bounces around in our brain, but we can learn to cope with ourselves. If not, there is medicine for that...and I am not that medicine.
We are all a little lost. We are all struggling with our own reality. We all wake up and have fleeting moments of undecidedness, and those that don’t are just fooling themselves. None of us are put together in a perfect harmonious manner. It just isn’t life. Life is a bitch! And she will prove to us that we are nothing short of a mosaic of broken hearts and minds. But, we can use that mosaic as a piece of something worthy of our Maker, or even something worthy of our own selves.
I don’t nor have I ever claimed to be unlost. That’s just ridiculous, but the more I am around my friends and family I am constantly reminded that there is a harbor of which I set sail from and a safe place to return to. It isn’t losing when we have to turn around and take refuge in what we know. It is human and necessary. I guess what I am realizing is that the harbor of which we set sail from isn’t always the harbor that will always be there. The sands shift, relationships come and go, family dies and we find ourselves facing or taking refuge in another harbor.
It is okay. It is life. It is growth. Unlike David Gray’s song, and my old mentality: I don’t want to be there alone anymore. I think I am ready to find another person to set sail with me. Oh, believe me I have tried and am trying, it just isn’t as that easy. I just have to make sure that I keep that Lighthouse forever in my mind’s eye. For in the darkest of nights, when the storms are raging I am going to need a safe place to dwell.
I hope this person finds the answers and hope they need. It is not me, but perhaps it isn’t anyone but themselves and their Maker. Anyway...sail away friends and be blessed!

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

A goodbye love letter to you...

  I sat across from my dad at lunch, yesterday, and asked him, "Do you know what tomorrow is?" He said, "Yeah. 1 year." And his eyes grew damp. "I'll never forget walking into that room..." He didn't continue. I didn't ask him to. "I'll never forget the police officer banging on my door at 1130 at night..." I didn't continue. He didn't ask me to.  "This journal was given to me several years ago by my children. I know they wanted me to write down my thoughts to get through the rough times I was going through at the time. I did not start this at that time. Why am I starting it now? Well, I only thought I had been through hell back then, but now I realize I didn't have any idea what heartache was until Aug 15, 2010 -"   This is the beginning of one of my mother's journals. A journal she started a little over a month after Andy died. And she wrote it--to him.  "Dear Mother - Today is the day before Mothe...
Post a Comment
Read more

Arithmetic of Purpose

   By nature, humans will, at one point in their life, ask the question, "For what purpose? Why am I here? What am I meant to do?" Okay, maybe they will ask themselves more than 1 question...but at least around the same theme. "Who am I, and why am I here?" It is built in our very DNA. Growing up, I didn't ask this often. I had a loving family who went with the current. Who I was and why I was here was bound up in my place in my family of 4. I was comfy. I was loved. I was secure. But alas...the question presented itself.   I first asked myself this question walking down the streets of Rome. I was alone, I was 21, and I was lost. I had just finished AmeriCorps and felt like I wanted something, but wasn't sure what that was. I had found my faith, at last, and realized that perhaps I wanted to be a bigger part of the Church collective. I felt meaning to my nothingness. I went home with direction. I graduated from college, finally, and started grad school to be...
Post a Comment
Read more

3000 miles...

      ...and I am exhausted. Just a little over an hour and a half ago, I reached 3000 miles on my trip, and as I sit here in this hotel room, in Fort Stockton, TX, I am realizing how tired I am. Isn't vacation supposed to be refreshing and relaxing? Yet, I feel neither. I feel as though I am running on fumes, like my car was moments ago before I gave her a drink.       I spent that last hour thinking about all the things I have done, all the people I have seen, all the wonderful food I have eaten, and I realize I am so blessed. I have everything I need and all the love and support a person could ask for, and because of that, I am truly blessed.       It took everything in my power to turn on my computer and type this, so this post is uber short. But, I wanted to thank everyone, thus far, who has extended a gracious hand to host me and be there for me in just a manner to show me love. I love each and everyone of you. (I am sure this will no...
Post a Comment
Read more