Skip to main content

Milestones

        At midnight, I was older (in theory) than Andy was. What do I mean by this? Andrew graduated college when he was 29. It was May 2010. He died in August. I graduated in May 2014. I was 28, but turned 29 in July. As of this night, I was and am older than him. I surpassed the moment of his death. I am still here. And I know that my mother can now breathe easier knowing that we have crossed that milestone.
         It isn't easy forging a path that has been untrod. I always looked to the path that he had created for me. He surpassed me in many things, and now, as of midnight, I am forging my own. You may think that it is just a date and an age, but it is more than that. I am now...completely on my own. Yeah, yeah...he is still with me, I get it, but in an abstract way, I am here to forge ahead without his footsteps to guide me. And I am okay.
         I couldn't express the thankfulness that I have with my friends. I couldn't put into words the amazing relationships that I have. I am truly blessed beyond words to those in my life that create a joy within me. I could call you each by name, but why? If you know who you are then what does it matter? If I have failed to express the meaning you have in my life than I am the failure. I apologize.
         I am ready for the newness that is coming. I am ready to move on and take my life and make something beautiful of what I have. I am ready for God to take what little I think I have and make something grand. I have no idea what that is, but I am ready. (Granted, I must be careful of what I say, for God will sometimes give us what we ask.) However...bring it!
         To my brother:
                You were my life source. The one thing that truly made sense in my life. I couldn't truly ever understand what you meant to me, but I am beginning to come to full understanding of the love and care you had for me. I hope that I gave you a little of what you gave me, and I am ready to live life to the full potential that you knew I had. I love you as Valentine loved Ender, and grieve as she did when he left her for Lusitania.
         -Your sister, Alysse

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Tiger must stay in your backpack...

   I'm not that parent. The one who gloats too much, and shows off all the pictures. The parent who relays every detail of their kid to let others know how incredible I think they are. Perhaps it is a flaw. Who knows. And I also pride myself in not being a helicopter parent. I teach and let go. I discipline and let go.    And I thought I would be ready for this: first day of Pre-K. I have been very positive and uplifting and have wanted my son to be extra ready to go to school. We have talked about it for months! I am ready... Or so I thought.  This morning, as white boy was leaving to take them to daycare, he said to Owen, "You can't take Tiger to school tomorrow or he will have to stay in your backpack, so do you want to take him to daycare today?" I thought little of it, but as Owen threw him down on the ground and turned to head out the door, my throat hitched. "Are you sure you don't want to take him today?" He said no. It was a sense of finality.  ...
Post a Comment
Read more

A goodbye love letter to you...

  I sat across from my dad at lunch, yesterday, and asked him, "Do you know what tomorrow is?" He said, "Yeah. 1 year." And his eyes grew damp. "I'll never forget walking into that room..." He didn't continue. I didn't ask him to. "I'll never forget the police officer banging on my door at 1130 at night..." I didn't continue. He didn't ask me to.  "This journal was given to me several years ago by my children. I know they wanted me to write down my thoughts to get through the rough times I was going through at the time. I did not start this at that time. Why am I starting it now? Well, I only thought I had been through hell back then, but now I realize I didn't have any idea what heartache was until Aug 15, 2010 -"   This is the beginning of one of my mother's journals. A journal she started a little over a month after Andy died. And she wrote it--to him.  "Dear Mother - Today is the day before Mothe...
Post a Comment
Read more

Arithmetic of Purpose

   By nature, humans will, at one point in their life, ask the question, "For what purpose? Why am I here? What am I meant to do?" Okay, maybe they will ask themselves more than 1 question...but at least around the same theme. "Who am I, and why am I here?" It is built in our very DNA. Growing up, I didn't ask this often. I had a loving family who went with the current. Who I was and why I was here was bound up in my place in my family of 4. I was comfy. I was loved. I was secure. But alas...the question presented itself.   I first asked myself this question walking down the streets of Rome. I was alone, I was 21, and I was lost. I had just finished AmeriCorps and felt like I wanted something, but wasn't sure what that was. I had found my faith, at last, and realized that perhaps I wanted to be a bigger part of the Church collective. I felt meaning to my nothingness. I went home with direction. I graduated from college, finally, and started grad school to be...
Post a Comment
Read more