Skip to main content

Milestones

        At midnight, I was older (in theory) than Andy was. What do I mean by this? Andrew graduated college when he was 29. It was May 2010. He died in August. I graduated in May 2014. I was 28, but turned 29 in July. As of this night, I was and am older than him. I surpassed the moment of his death. I am still here. And I know that my mother can now breathe easier knowing that we have crossed that milestone.
         It isn't easy forging a path that has been untrod. I always looked to the path that he had created for me. He surpassed me in many things, and now, as of midnight, I am forging my own. You may think that it is just a date and an age, but it is more than that. I am now...completely on my own. Yeah, yeah...he is still with me, I get it, but in an abstract way, I am here to forge ahead without his footsteps to guide me. And I am okay.
         I couldn't express the thankfulness that I have with my friends. I couldn't put into words the amazing relationships that I have. I am truly blessed beyond words to those in my life that create a joy within me. I could call you each by name, but why? If you know who you are then what does it matter? If I have failed to express the meaning you have in my life than I am the failure. I apologize.
         I am ready for the newness that is coming. I am ready to move on and take my life and make something beautiful of what I have. I am ready for God to take what little I think I have and make something grand. I have no idea what that is, but I am ready. (Granted, I must be careful of what I say, for God will sometimes give us what we ask.) However...bring it!
         To my brother:
                You were my life source. The one thing that truly made sense in my life. I couldn't truly ever understand what you meant to me, but I am beginning to come to full understanding of the love and care you had for me. I hope that I gave you a little of what you gave me, and I am ready to live life to the full potential that you knew I had. I love you as Valentine loved Ender, and grieve as she did when he left her for Lusitania.
         -Your sister, Alysse

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Beneath the Weeping Willow

  "The willow submits to the wind and prospers until one day it is many willows—a wall against the wind. This is the willow's purpose." —  Frank Herbert, Dune   Time, although a very evasive concept, is in each moment a gift. And most often, I don't stop to look back at the road I have traveled on. Even more so, the road Justin and I have travelled together. But today it is warranted. Today marks 9 years as husband and wife, and 9 years of truly some amazing and adverse moments. We have lost the most cherished and birthed the most loved all the while interwoven with each other.    I will be the first to admit that our day to day appears to some: mundane. However, inside the ordinary he and I together have understood the profundity of love. It is brash and loud, but it is also cautious and quiet.  "Love is a many splendored thing."  It is the true basis of community, and I am proud of the community we have built.   The  willow  is the t...
Post a Comment
Read more

Being his girlfriend

"Are you happy being my girlfriend?" He asks. In all seriousness. In all honesty. He asks. Never once have I been asked such a damned difficult question. Never once have I been asked that slight simple question. Never once have I been asked THAT question.   Immediately, my head goes a thousand different directions. I want to give him the most honest answer. But lately I feel as though I am trying to quantity my happiness. Yes. I. Am. Happy. But what is happiness? Am I? Can I honestly say that I am happy? I don't know.   Before I make an ass out of myself, I must say this: not one time in the history of Aly and men has she ever felt like her significant other was shelter. You know that line from Finding Nemo where Dory says to Marlin, "When I look at you, I remember. When I look at you, I am home." That's the way I feel when I am in his arms. Home. Perhaps it best not to tell him such a bold thought, but it's true.   Back to this question. Am I happy b...
3 comments
Read more

Seconds

  I always tried, growing up, to see if I felt different in certain moments of time. Such as when the clock strikes midnight on my birthday or when it strikes midnight bringing in a new year. Does that one second really feel different? No. Not usually. And that one second isn't truly that significant. But seconds can be significant. In fact, in one second our lives can be completely different.   For the last few months, 6 perhaps, there has been more overwhelming hatred for 2016. It has proven to be a very hard year. I have seen the death of my grandmother, the death of others dear to my friends, rape and murder scattered throughout this world like salt on a wound, natural disasters leaving thousands dead, and the tipping point of a nation that can't seem to get it right.   And as I wax nostalgic, I cringe at the bad, shake my head at the dumbfounded, but then remind myself to embrace and celebrate the good. Because in the midst of all the not good...there is good. The...
Post a Comment
Read more